An Irishman moves to Dallas

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Ronnie Sanford

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An Irishman moves from Belfast to Dallas in the middle of July. Being Irish, his first order of business was to find a local pub, so ten minutes of Googling later he had settled on The Black Labrador a suitably pompous sounding pub in North Dallas.

The Irishman immediately goes to the pub and walks up to the bar. He tells the barkeep that he wants three pints of the establishment’s darkest beer. The barkeep complies filling three glasses with Guinness. The barkeep then watches curiously as the Irishman takes a swallow from the first pint, then the second and finally the third only to start the whole process over again. The barkeep can’t help but comment to the fellow that it might be better to order and drink one pint at a time as they will stay cold longer that way, but the Irishman explains that when he was in Belfast, he would have a drink with his two brothers every night and now that he is in Dallas he is simply drinking for them.

Many months pass, and the Irishman comes in the Pub religiously at 6:00PM every night. However, one night in late December the Irishman goes up to the bar but only orders two pints. A hush falls over the pub as in the months the Irishman has been coming to the pub he has got quite well liked and no one wants to see him in distress. The barkeep trundles up to the bar, and pours two Guinness; he says “These are on the house and I am very sorry for your loss." There is a look of confusion on the Irishman’s face and then he says “No you misunderstand, everyone in my family is okay. I have just decided to stop drinking”.
 

Simon Hogwood

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Unfortunately, a Scotsman who moved to the same city didn't have near as much luck. One night while Skyping home to his mum, she asks about his neighbors. "Well," he responds, "the man in the apartment next to me one one side seems to spend a lot of time sitting around moaning, while the one on the other side repeatedly bangs his head on the wall."

"Oh, dear," says the mum, "have you met many other people?"

"Not really - most nights I stay home and practice my bagpipes."
 

Lofgeornost

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So, a native Missourian also moved to Dallas and met up with the Irishman and the Scotsman in a bar there. The Irishman explained that he was a proud Dubliner, and the Scotsman that he was a Glaswegian. They asked their new Yank friend what they called people from his home region.

He put his revolver on the table and said, "I'm from Missouri."

This unfunny joke is a variation on a real one, where the two other men were from different U.S. states. It's only humorous if you know that a derisive nickname for people from Missouri once was 'pukes'. As you can see in this 'Nicknames of the States' print from 1884, published by a pork company:

service-pnp-pga-03900-03942v.jpg

I guess it's not that much worse than 'sucker' for Illinois residents, 'beef heads' for Texans, or 'bug eaters' for Nebraskans.
 

Séadna

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Georgians are called "Crackers" and Kentuckians "Corn Crackers"?

Funny map. I wonder when these fell out of use.
 

Lofgeornost

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Georgians are called "Crackers" and Kentuckians "Corn Crackers"?

Funny map. I wonder when these fell out of use.
'Cracker' as derogatory slang for Georgians is still in use, or was some years back. It's also a generic derisive term for Southern U.S. redneck.

I've never heard of someone from Arkansas being called a 'tooth pick' though. As a Missourian I have heard the obligatory Arkansas virgins jokes.
 

Ronnie Sanford

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I can't even read Washington's... :sad:
'Cracker' as derogatory slang for Georgians is still in use, or was some years back. It's also a generic derisive term for Southern U.S. redneck.

I've never heard of someone from Arkansas being called a 'tooth pick' though. As a Missourian I have heard the obligatory Arkansas virgins jokes.
I think Cracker is still a much used insult aimed at Caucasians by people of color.
 

Séadna

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Yeah. I've noticed that territories that had not yet achieved statehood in 1884 (like Washington, Arizona, Utah, what would be Oklahoma, Wyoming) are more likely to get uninspired nicknames on the map.
I always wanted to understand what was behind the boundaries of the various Western states and how they were settled, i.e. what kinds of people from where moved to them. How much was their character set before statehood and so on...
 

Ronnie Sanford

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An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman order a pint at the local pub. Shortly after a fly lands in each of their drinks. The English man refuses the drink, the Irishman blows the fly off the foam and has a drink, the Scotsman grabs the fly and says “spit it out you wee bastard!”
 

Nobby-W

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I always wanted to understand what was behind the boundaries of the various Western states and how they were settled, i.e. what kinds of people from where moved to them. How much was their character set before statehood and so on...

There's a town somewhere in the midwest that was settled by Cornish miners, and the local bakeries still make Cornish Pasties.
 

Lofgeornost

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Like what:shade:?
I’ll spoiler it, since it’s in bad taste (and I’ve had some good friends from Arkansas, over the years):
What’s an Arkansas virgin? A girl who can run faster than her brothers.
 

Alai

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I've never heard of someone from Arkansas being called a 'tooth pick' though. As a Missourian I have heard the obligatory Arkansas virgins jokes.
Couple of them are still at least notionally current. "Hoosier", "Clam Catcher", "Tar Heel". "Pennite" suffers from being mailing-it-in and obsolete.
 

AsenRG

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I’ll spoiler it, since it’s in bad taste (and I’ve had some good friends from Arkansas, over the years):
What’s an Arkansas virgin? A girl who can run faster than her brothers.
Thanks...and you're right about it being lame. (It's used around here as well, just not for Arkansasians:thumbsup:).
 

Nobby-W

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Thanks...and you're right about it being lame. (It's used around here as well, just not for Arkansasians:thumbsup:).
I suppose you must be aware of the etymology of 'Buggery.'

View attachment 38490

Watching this thread, gaining intel for important later international sledging
Keep going, heh heh :grin::grin::grin:

Aaaand an oldie but a goodie -
They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin!
I'm here 'til Friday. Try the veal.
 
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Ronin

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There's a town somewhere in the midwest that was settled by Cornish miners, and the local bakeries still make Cornish Pasties.
There is lots of towns like that in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. Some in northern Wisconsin, and a few in Minnesota. Mostly clustered around the areas of iron and copper mining. I like the ones from Muldoons in Munising.
 
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