Voros
Doomed Investigator
- Joined
- Sep 23, 2017
- Messages
- 15,122
- Reaction score
- 32,994
Well, the generational tangent was about admitting when you are wrong, not apologizing. Inability to admit when you are wrong means that when you dig yourself into a hole, you often keep digging or at least have to keep living in that hole for awhile.
As for apologies, I agree that they are a matter of social etiquette, but that doesn't mean they have no value. Sure, there are times they will be effective and times that they won't or will even make things worse, but they are a powerful social option. People that are incapable of apologies have less social options. And good luck to them if they ever have to spend time in Japan.
It is also important to remember that apologies can be slow acting as well. You can apologize to someone and only get anger back at the time, but after the person has time to cool off, the apology can register. At that point, they can get over their grievance.
They also don't require the offended party to accept them to have value. Looking at it from a Machiavellian perspective, they have value if most people in your social circle believe in your sincerity. If those people buy your apology, the offended party goes from being the object of sympathy to being the annoying person that won't let things go. "Jeez, he apologized. Can't we just get on with things?" It's not a use of apologies that I particularly endorse, but I've seen it used a lot.
There are certainly times an apology won't help, and being someone that always apologizes is a social flaw in itself, but being able to deploy apologies effectively is an enormous benefit both personally and professionally.
I was a manager for a long time and definitely encountered those who use apologies as an escape hatch from actual personal responsibility. It was definitely of the ‘geez, I apologized, what else do you want from me?’ school.
It took me a while to figure out what exactly was going on with their constant apologies until I read someone define what a sincere apology is: first the apology, acknowledging the impact the mistake had on others and then presenting/proposing a solution so it won’t happen again.
Without that last part an apology can just be an excuse to continue to do the same thing they are apologizing for again and again.
Last edited: