Learning to write "fluff"?

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Toadmaster

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I am a data geek, always have been. Give me horsepower, dates, muzzle velocities etc and I am a happy camper. I also come from a background of fact based report writing (who, what, where, when, why and how).

I am also an amateur historian, it really doesn't much matter the subject, if it is history I'm in. If it is history about the development of gadgets :heart::heart::heart: .

What I find though is when trying to write something a little softer, more interesting to read, it tends to come across as Joe Friday "just the facts ma'am". It often resembles a fleshed out list of bullet points. I have 20+ years of ruthless trimming of any non-essential language to get past.

Anyway I guess my question is where do you start when trying to humanize lists of data points to make them more interesting reading. Part of the way I got to this point was from taking classes on technical writing, short, and too the point.
Creative writing classes seem to go too far the other way, I'm not looking to write the next Harry Potter book, just livening up some interesting historically based technical material so it is more interesting. There are some historians and science writers who seem to do this well, where do they learn this?

If anyone knows the name of this particular branch of writing I'd be interested so I can try to find a class. Books, blogs etc with tips for this style of writing would be very welcome.
 
Hmm two things, one if trying to personalize a setting I would recommend reading books of the cozy mystery genre. stuff like cats that solve crimes or an unlikely duo solves crimes or anything that would get aired on USA "where characters are welcomed. The genre is based on repeating a small number of types of mysteries over and over again but because of the charisma of the character writing the popularity persists even if the same type of mystery is repeated.

If your trying to do an essay on the subject matter, well start with the coolest thing that results from the totality of the subject matters. If the audience also finds it cool then their in for the ride. I would suggest listening to either "Ken and Robin Talk About Stuff" podcast or read Ken Hite's "Suppressed Transmissions" a collection of essays about a very diverse subject matters that are all cool because the writer is able to convey the innate coolness to the reader.
 
Hmm two things, one if trying to personalize a setting I would recommend reading books of the cozy mystery genre. stuff like cats that solve crimes or an unlikely duo solves crimes or anything that would get aired on USA "where characters are welcomed. The genre is based on repeating a small number of types of mysteries over and over again but because of the charisma of the character writing the popularity persists even if the same type of mystery is repeated.

If your trying to do an essay on the subject matter, well start with the coolest thing that results from the totality of the subject matters. If the audience also finds it cool then their in for the ride. I would suggest listening to either "Ken and Robin Talk About Stuff" podcast or read Ken Hite's "Suppressed Transmissions" a collection of essays about a very diverse subject matters that are all cool because the writer is able to convey the innate coolness to the reader.

More the second, trying to relate facts and figures in a way that makes them more interesting than a timeline or listing, but at the same time keeping the information easy to sort through and find specifics.

I think the main issue I have is trying to keep it short and to the point when I probably should separate specifics into a timeline or table leaving the descriptive text open to develop into a more engaging style.
 
Well if your writing an alternate history essay I only have one piece of advice I got from my old history professor. Start the essay with "It was always invetiable that X would happen" where X is whatever change you want to happen. Doing this is a sort of mental trick where you switch from an objective historian to opinionated storyteller. Then your writing style becomes less dry (although you now run the risk of sounding pompous) as you twist and remake history to support the alternate history scenario. Later you can revise the opening sentence to avoid being repetitive.
 
Mostly real world history of smaller things that get overlooked, some gaming guide type stuff, some non-gaming of a purely historical bent.

Here is an example of something I wrote up about the development of firefighting pumps for a model making website. It was intended as a brief overview / introduction leading into more detailed articles. The intent of the series of articles was to help provide some context to the equipment for model builders who don't have actual hands on experience with firefighting equipment.

Until the late 1600s firefighting was primarily done by the use of bucket brigades and hand operated fire extinguishers resembling large syringes.

The first fire pumps operated by a team of men appeared in Europe in the late 1600s. The first fire hoses made of leather appeared at about the same time. In the mid 1800s lighter weight, more maneuverable linen hoses would start to appear.

The earliest units were not very mobile, and had to be loaded into a cart or be hand carried to the fire scene which greatly limited their effectiveness. Around 1720 the idea of building the pump onto its own cart was introduced which allowed the pump to be quickly moved by a team of men. These men would then operate the pump at the fire. A common feature was to include a trough for water that could be filled by a bucket brigade if a suitable source of water not readily available. These early pumps were capable of putting out 20-60 gallons of water per minute powered by a crew of 4-12 men. Hand powered pumps continued to be refined, and by the 1840s large pumpers utilizing teams of 40-50 men were capable of pumping more than 200 gallons of water per minute. As various forms of motorized pumper became available, hand pumpers began to fall out of favor, but their decline was gradual. A few manufactures were still building hand pumpers during World War 1, and they could still be found in service with small communities during the 1940s. The large number of men required to operate the pumps handles also meant these crews could push / pull the pumper without the aid of horses, although some fire companies preferred to use horse drawn equipment.

hand-pumper


Steam engine powered pumps became available in the 1850s, and they remained in service working alongside motorized equipment into the 1920s. Steam pumpers were capable of providing far more water than hand pumpers, generally providing 350-1000 gallons of water per minute. Although they provided far superior pumping capacity, steam pumpers did not end the use of hand pumpers. By comparison they were very heavy, and only the smallest could be moved without a team of horses. They were also much more expensive and complex requiring a trained boiler operator. As a result steam pumpers tended to be found in larger cities and their adoption often coincides with the creation of a paid fire department.

steam-pumper


The first gasoline engine powered pumps were introduced in the late 1880s. Initially these pumps were quite limited in their capacity, but by 1900 pumpers capable of supplying 250 to 500 gallons of water per minute were available. These early motorized pumpers were not self propelled, still relying on a team of men or horses to get them to the fire. They were lighter, cheaper and easier to operate than a steam pumper, while requiring far less manpower than hand pumpers.

The idea of a towed fire pumper did not end with the introduction of self propelled motorized fire pumpers in the first years of the 20th century. Trailer mounted pumps are still being built for industrial use and other special applications.

The motorized self propelled fire pumper came into use between 1905 and 1907. There is debate on who had the first, but by 1914 the automotive pumper was well on its way to becoming the dominant form of fire pumper. All of the major U.S. manufacturers of steam pumpers would leave the market or switch over to building motorized fire equipment between 1910 and 1917.


Photos are mine.
 
I always attach event hooks to my histories.
For Example: In 1067 Agar the Mighty perishes in the infamous Battle of the Black Rocks. His Heir, Klangor the Fool, takes over the aging empire.
or
The PF-T90 Rifle was famously used to great effect by Lance Troopers during the capture of Kax in 9217.

I don't actually have anything written down for the Battle of the Black Rocks, nor why it's so infamous.
Where, What or Who is Kax? I don't know beyond that it was captured in 9217 by Lance Troopers using the PF-T90 Rifle.
Try making up some lore to attach to your facts and figures that on the spot and eventually coming back to them for later use!
I always look to "Pocket Guide to the Empire, First Edition" from the Elder Scrolls series as a good example of fluff.
Here's a link: https://en.uesp.net/wiki/Lore:Pocket_Guide_to_the_Empire,_1st_Edition
It establishes some facts, but also leaves a lot of mystery's that can be answered in the future too.
Anyway, hope this helps!
 
I think what you're describing is really more of a skill more often used by RPG and sf and some fantasy writers.

Robert Heinlein was the master (during his mid-period of his late short stories and juveniles) of the apparently tossed off detail that cumulatively builds up the world. Everyone learned from him. The great sf writer Samuel Delany discusses this in one of his essays in The Jewel-hinged Jaw. A warning though that in contrast to his elegant narrative style Delany's essays although fascinating can also be quite dense and difficult.

When it comes to history, I can think of several great historians who are also great prose stylists (Orlando Figes and Tony Judt spring immediately to mind) but those skills are closer to that of a great novelist (structure, empathy, character, the telling detail).
 
Creative writing classes seem to go too far the other way, I'm not looking to write the next Harry Potter book, just livening up some interesting historically based technical material so it is more interesting.
I strongly disagree that evocative writing requires logorrhea. Something I've pulled from both giving presentations and writing game content is that a word is either hitting or it's diluting. Economy is key.

I find that it's very useful to focus on one or two strong sensory details, and describe them using attention-grabbing words. That helps to ground a reader or listener in whatever is being described. It's good to either emphasize the very familiar, to give the audience something to relate to, or the exotic, to transport them.

If you're writing about fictional history, you can still do this. If there was a battle, maybe just a quick aside to mention the ground littered with broken lances and the banquets of crows. If a nation grows wealthy through trade, a sentence about the bolts of lustrous fabric, sacks of fragrant tea, etc. When I'm trying to be colorful, I go the extra distance in choosing unusual adjectives. I just enjoy writing that way, so I let that guide me.
Books, blogs etc with tips for this style of writing would be very welcome.
I can't say that I have any suggestions here. I suspect it might be hard to find instruction on colorful technical writing. If you do find any good resources, please post it back here - I'd be curious.

I suspect the best guide would be to read the sort of materials you'd like to emulate, and just have fun with it. Eventually, you'll find your own voice. I don't think you have to forget everything you learned about technical writing by any means.
 
In terms of RPG writers I'd say Greg Stafford, Greg Costikyan, Ken Hite, Lisa Steele and Ben Robbins are clear yet evocative writers. For adventure writing John Tynes, David Cook, Jennel Jaquays are great models with more modern examples being Chris Kutalik, Jacob Hurst and Patrick Stuart being among my favs for the concise but vivid detail.
 
The thing about literature is you can't really nail it down to a set of 'rules.' Hemingway was a great short story writer but I don't find his style convincing over the length of a novel. Greene or Fitzgerald are more moderate than the severity of a Hemingway and so to me superior as novelists. Some writers wrote simply, like Tolstoy, while others are quite elaborate like Proust or to pick a very relevant example the recently passed Gene Wolfe.

Rules writing though is closer to journalism or technical writing. Here there are clearer standards to follow. Some would say it is closer to a craft than an art. I wouldn't go that far when it comes to RPG writing though which is more of a hybrid form. Still historically so much of RPG writing has been rather shoddily written and lacking in clarity and skill it is probably better to error on the side of concision.
 
The thing about literature is you can't really nail it down to a set of 'rules.'
Agreed, but there are some things that are almost always true (except when they are totally wrong).
 
Sorry I stopped getting alerts that there were new posts and didn't realize that there have been several new posts. The journalism comment is worth exploring, I've actually had some (very little) journalism training as I have been working towards doing public information work on large fires. I do have a copy of the AP Stylebook I could look to for some ideas and kill two birds with one stone. Might have to look into the local college and see if they have any classes that might fit into that. Very similar issue of economy of words, but trying to keep it interesting. In fact thinking about it some of the best historians I've read have been journalists at some point in their career.


I strongly disagree that evocative writing requires logorrhea. Something I've pulled from both giving presentations and writing game content is that a word is either hitting or it's diluting. Economy is key.

I agree that good writing doesn't have to be wordy, but that has been me experience with creative writing classes, some going so far as making word count more important than the content (aka Dickens style).
 
Just a follow up. I found a book:

On Writing Well, an informal guide to writing non-fiction by William Zinsser

Nothing Earth shattering about it, mostly it confirms that there is nothing wrong about getting right to the point. It provides lots of examples of good expressive writing as well as good simple and to the point writing as well as bad examples of both. Suggests some methods to improve your writing, mostly to help a writer develop a style they are comfortable with. Certainly some author opinion but it gives me something to work from.

Even new the book is not expensive and has been in print for almost 40 years so not hard to find a used copy, I paid $3.75 for a 1980s printing, less than a trip to Starbucks.
 
Just a follow up. I found a book:

On Writing Well, an informal guide to writing non-fiction by William Zinsser

Nothing Earth shattering about it, mostly it confirms that there is nothing wrong about getting right to the point. It provides lots of examples of good expressive writing as well as good simple and to the point writing as well as bad examples of both. Suggests some methods to improve your writing, mostly to help a writer develop a style they are comfortable with. Certainly some author opinion but it gives me something to work from.

Even new the book is not expensive and has been in print for almost 40 years so not hard to find a used copy, I paid $3.75 for a 1980s printing, less than a trip to Starbucks.

That is considered a classic, pretty much every journalism student has to read it in their first year. Still stands up well but then the principles of good non-fiction writing are pretty established by now.

Elements of Style by Strunk is another standard.

A short but excellent book on writing fiction that has a lot of great general principles for prose writing is John Gardner's the Art of Fiction: Notes on Craft for Young Writers. Reading this one book will save one from years of poor writing.
 
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I am a data geek, always have been. Give me horsepower, dates, muzzle velocities etc and I am a happy camper. I also come from a background of fact based report writing (who, what, where, when, why and how).

I am also an amateur historian, it really doesn't much matter the subject, if it is history I'm in. If it is history about the development of gadgets :heart::heart::heart: .

What I find though is when trying to write something a little softer, more interesting to read, it tends to come across as Joe Friday "just the facts ma'am". It often resembles a fleshed out list of bullet points. I have 20+ years of ruthless trimming of any non-essential language to get past.

Anyway I guess my question is where do you start when trying to humanize lists of data points to make them more interesting reading. Part of the way I got to this point was from taking classes on technical writing, short, and too the point.
Creative writing classes seem to go too far the other way, I'm not looking to write the next Harry Potter book, just livening up some interesting historically based technical material so it is more interesting. There are some historians and science writers who seem to do this well, where do they learn this?

If anyone knows the name of this particular branch of writing I'd be interested so I can try to find a class. Books, blogs etc with tips for this style of writing would be very welcome.
Look for the human touch. So you're writing a piece of medical rules...how does that work for Jhas'on Average in your setting who has a minor rash after a fun night at the pub :tongue:?

Write with all six of your senses. You don't see three cases of dismemberment critical hits. You see the hot blood flying from the wound, and covering your face with warm, sticky, quickly coagulating film, while the arm itself falls in the mud with a splash that you hear over the clashing of the arms, and the soon-to-be-dead enemy loses control over his bowels form the shock, adding to the stench already in the air from the other dead and dying. And then you get a bad feeling that someone has noticed what has happened and is going to try and get even with you... :devil:
Granted, that example was overwrought. But stick to one or two senses beyond those that can be seen, and you'd be golden:shade:.
 
[ . . . ]
I am also an amateur historian, it really doesn't much matter the subject, if it is history I'm in. If it is history about the development of gadgets :heart::heart::heart: .
I take it you've seen Connections?


Famous for this iconic sequence:

 
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In that case we have to assume you've not actually read Dickens.

I have, I had to read several Dickens books in school. I know it is a myth that he got paid by the word, he actually got paid by the page (well every 32 pages actually). They also were not written to be read as novels, but installments.

He also would not be the first writer whose best works are not "required reading" and I have not read Dickens for pleasure.

I didn't think much of John Steinbeck either based on the books I had to read in school (Of Mice and Men, Grapes of Wrath), his shorter more humorous stories are much more enjoyable.

Note enjoyable, I'm not a writing critic and I will admit you don't have books published decades (century plus in Dickens case) after your death by being a hack.


I take it you've seen Connections?


Famous for this iconic sequence:




I know Connections, I was addicted to that show in my youth. Love how it starts with a sharp stick and somehow ends up with humans cavorting with hot alien girls. (Ok, maybe not but that would have been a great episode). :grin:
 
I find that like many but not all writers of his era the effect of writing in installments sometimes led to rambling plots not prose per se.

Prose-wise Dickens is usually a model of clarity, I'd only put Thomas Hardy and Jane Austen ahead of him in terms of quality of prose among novelists in English. And note I'm not a big fan of Austen's books but in terms of technical facility with the language she is top drawer.

I tend to prefer the more modern virtues of concision in novels (although many of my all time favs are anything but) so my favourite Dickens are Great Expectations (with the original intended ending), A Tale of Two Cities and the Mystery of Edwin Drood but I wouldn't say I've read him too extensively, still lots more to check out (next on my to-read pile is Hard Times).

It is funny that Dickens is now considered a bit difficut, dour and 'high art' as at the time he wrote he was the very defintion of popular writer. I'm not sure there has been a more widely read writer since him.
 
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I find that like many but not all writers of his era the effect of writing in installments sometimes led to rambling plots not prose per se.

Prose-wise Dickens is usually a model of clarity, I'd only put Thomas Hardy and Jane Austen ahead of him in terms of quality of prose among novelists in English. And note I'm not a big fan of Austen's books but in terms of technical facility with the language she is top drawer.

I tend to prefer the more modern virtues of concision in novels (although many of my all time favs are anything but) so my favourite Dickens are Great Expectations (with the original intended ending), A Tale of Two Cities and the Mystery of Edwin Drood but I wouldn't say I've read him too extensively, still lots more to check out (next on my to-read pile is Hard Times).

It is funny that Dickens is now considered a bit difficut, dour and 'high art' as at the time he wrote he was the very defintion of popular writer. I'm not sure there has been a more widely read writer since him.

I have read other authors of the period and like quite a few, Arthur Conan Doyle, Bram Stoker, Mary Shelley, Edgar Allen Poe, H.G. Wells, H. Rider Haggard, hmmm perhaps a theme here.


Hard times and I have a rocky existence. In 12th grade I had an English teacher who asked for a list of books we liked so he could pick a out a book for us that fit our interests. I gave him my list, of course with a lot of sci-fi and fantasy, but also some history and "legit" literature Frankenstein, Dracula, some Hemingway, E.A. Poe. Orwell etc. I rode the bus for more than an hour each way to / from school and read to pass the time so was a fairly well read teenager. I got a lot of my sci fi from my dad so I had included many of the respectable classic authors like Clarke, Bradbury, and Asimov, it wasn't all Hitchhikers Guide, Star Wars, Conan and Cthulhu.

He assigns me Charles Dickens' Hard Times... I go to the school library, they don't have it. I go to the main city library, they don't have it. I go back to him and tell him it is not available from the library. He tells me to buy it. This is public school in Oakland, talking with teachers later that was absolutely not an acceptable answer, but regardless I tried to buy it. Tried a couple of big book stores, don't have it, say they can't get it. I go back to him and tell him this asking for another book. He tells me to try used book stores... At this point we are 3 weeks to a month into the semester with the book report due at the end and I still haven't been able to get the stupid book. Never did get it so took a big fat F on a major assignment which pulled me from a solid B to a D-.

This was my first experience with a teacher who felt his job was beneath him. He was always talking about his part time job at a Community College and it was pretty clear he thought high school was not worthy of his talents. Dude was a class A jerk.
I later had an English teacher at community college who was always taking about her part time job at the nearby State college and how smart the students in that class were, how they challenged her. I dropped that class like a chunk of molten lava.


So yeah, Hard Times indeed. :hehe: Perhaps part of my aversion to Dickens.
 
Anyway I guess my question is where do you start when trying to humanize lists of data points to make them more interesting reading. Part of the way I got to this point was from taking classes on technical writing, short, and too the point.
You still want to keep to the principles of technical writing in keeping it concise and to the point. What I do is focus on things that inform the referee on how a character is roleplayed i.e. movitations and personality. Or why a creature acts the way it does. In some cases why a location function or looks the way it does.

When we run a campaign with a setting, the setting is comprised of locales, characters, and things like items. So background that aides the referee in playing or incorporating these items is "on topic". And because we are doing this in the time we have for a hobby, it more useful if it is concise.
 
For example I attached documents of notes about the Ghinorian Empire. I enjoyed writing these and even gave them to one or two players. But as you can see they are not very helpful if the point is to give useful information on how to use these in a campaign. I know what important out of the various bits of information but it is unreasonable to assume a reader would see things the way I do.

So for the Majestic Wilderlands Supplement I took all this information and boiled down to it most important essence. So while the following doesn't have all the details in the attached documents, I believe the convey the information that is important in how to roleplay characters who are part of the Ghinorian cultures and the faith of Mitra, as well as coming up with details for locales and things.

==========================================
Ghinorians
The Ghinorians are humans who are descendents of a once mighty empire. The Ghinorians believe that they are the chosen people of Mitra, destined to bring justice and law to the world. They are taught an ethos of duty, honor, and charity. Every Ghinorian, from the Princes to the least peasant, is taught this. Because of their love of the law, the Ghinorians are noted for their skills for organization. They bear special enmity against the Thules and other followers of Set for being tyrants and despots.

The negative side of their culture is their sense of righteousness. Ghinorians grudgingly acknowledge the existence of other gods but claims that Mitra is supreme among the deities. The Ghinorians are noted for their ruthlessness in suppressing cultures and mores they believe to be abhorrent.

During the time of the Ghinorian Empire they came to rule many of the Wilderlands cultures. Faced with this the Imperial Prince, supreme ruler of the Empire, favored the doctrine of toleration. That Mitra called the Ghinorians to be an example to other nations. That if one accepted Mitra and her church that person would be considered Ghinorian.

During the waning days of the empire this doctrine was confronted by the rise of orthodoxy which held that only true born Ghinorians were accorded special status by Mitra. The religious and civil strife caused by this issue led to the fall of the empire and continues to divide the Ghinorian successor states to this day.

Mitra
The religion of Mitra is probably one of the most widespread religions of the Wilderlands. Over four thousand years ago she called the Ghinorians to be her chosen people. She called them to be the example of honor and justice throughout the Wilderlands. At their height, fifteen hundred years ago, their empire stretched into every corner of the Wilderlands challenging even Viridistan.

Mitra’s religion is woven into the fabric of Ghinorian society. Her clergy preside over nearly every major event including ones normally handled by other gods like agricultural rites. A unique aspect of her religion was its stress on egalitarianism. Every Ghinorian was equal in Mitra’s eyes. All were called to uphold honor and justice and that one’s worth was a result of actions not class or station.

The fall of the empire shattered the Ghinorian Empire into numerous successor states. Isolated from one another the Ghinorian successor states were forced to deal with the surrounding cultures on an equal basis. In many Ghinorian lands, Mitra’s religion became more tolerant. Clergy accepted non-Ghinorians as believers and started to work with other religions with similar views. There has been a negative reaction against the new doctrine of tolerance and many Ghinorian lands now deals with fundamentalists who wish to return to the old ways.

Ghinor
This region was once the heartland of the Empire of Ghinor. Over four thousand years ago the Ghinorian people migrated here. They were fleeing slavery from another empire ruled by the god Set. They believed they were the chosen people of the goddess Mitra. For two thousand years they were just one of many tribes in the region. Then after a devastating invasion by barbarians they resolved that never again they would be conquered. They resolved that the word of Mitra would be spread throughout the world so all will live in peace.

Over the next thousand years they spread outwards from their river valley into nearly every corner of the Wilderlands. They established numerous colonies in every direction. To make administration easier the Imperial Princes of Ghinor built the city of Tula overlooking the Sea of Five Winds. Their hubris grew the longer their reach extended. Their faith transformed into a lust for power and wealth. They gave only lip service to Mitra’s worship. The throne of the Imperial Prince became a game between rival factions. Then civil war wrecked the empire.

The final blow came when a federation of barbarians known as the Ionians swept through the weakened empire. The various pretenders were killed and their leader, Andros the Great, was crowned as the Overlord of the Empire. The overseas colonies of the empire declared their independence and left to find their own destinies. At first Andros attempted to respect the belief of his Ghinorian subjects and work with the Church of Mitra. But after a failed rebellion, Andros eradicated the Church of Mitra in the Great Harrowing.

Andros’ successors were not able to hold the empire together. After two centuries the last Ionian Overlord was killed. Since then the region has seen a succession of petty kingdoms and robber barons. The Church of Mitra was never able to recover here. Instead a church grew around the worship of Mantriv and Dannu imported from the Ament Plains.

The old imperial city of Tula was devastated by the various civil wars of Andros’ successors. In desperation they turned to the wizards of the Order of Thoth for protection. The wizards were successful and Tula has regained its place as the largest city of the region. It is now known as the City of Wizards and one of the largest centers for trade along the Sea of Five Winds.

This region was originally detailed to provide the back history of the Main Campaign Area around City-State. The history after the fall of the Ghinorian Empire came later. The history was design to produce a region of small realms and city-state dominated by humans. Much of the politics was taken from the history of the Italian City-States of the Renaissance. It is designed for campaigns stressing intrigue and politics.
==========================================
History of Ghinor Maps - an Example of how I use a time line of historical maps
 

Attachments

  • Lands - Ghinor, Empire the Imperial Princes of.pdf
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