- Joined
- Jul 9, 2020
- Messages
- 15,108
- Reaction score
- 48,930
Don't worry, you can choose which cat box you want to poop in.It is, if you like the structure of the sand that goes with it!
Follow along with the video below to see how to install our site as a web app on your home screen.
Note: This feature currently requires accessing the site using the built-in Safari browser.
Don't worry, you can choose which cat box you want to poop in.It is, if you like the structure of the sand that goes with it!
THE BARBARIAN
other stuff deleted to save the internet
You have to be really skilled to never misspell Barbarian the same way twice. Level 9 Tiny Item had me LOLing.THE BARBARIA
N
WE KNOW WHERE THEY COME FROM—–PARTS UNKNOWN OR “BEYOND THE RIVER” OR A SAVAGE LAND OF FAR AWAY.
THE 1ST THING TO KNOW OF A BRABARIAN IS THEY HAVE NO ALINEMENT. A BARBARIAN HAS ONLY TWO SETTING: “HATE” AND “OKAY FOR NOW”. THE BARBARIAN HATES 99.999999999999999999999999999999% PERCENT OF STUFF, AND THE REST OF ITALL IS OKAY FOR NOW, BUT CHECK AGAIN IN A LITTELW HILE AND HE MIGHT HATE IT.
RANDOM BARBARIAN REACTION TABLE (1D100): ROLL FOR WHEN YOUWANT TO NOW WHAT HE IS THINKING:
1-22 HATE
23 OKAY FOR NOW
24-100 HATE
MOST BARBARIANS ARE DUDES- A GIRL CAN BE A BARBARIAIN AS LONG AS SHE HAS A PENUS. THEY ARE ALL HUMANS.
CLASS REQIREMENTS: 16STR, LESS THAN 9 FOR INT & WISDOM, 16CON
HIT DICE: 1D12
MAX LEVEL: FOREVER
XP LEVEL TITLE HD
0 1 SAVIGE 1D12
3000 2 BRUTE 2D12
6000 3 MEAN SONOFABITCH 3D12
12000 4 BASTARD PRICK 4D12
25000 5 FASESTABBER 5D12
5000 6 BLOODBATHER 6
120000 7 APOCALYPTO 7D12
250000 8 PRINSE OF DESTRUCTION 8D12
450000 9 INSANE 9D12
650000 10 BARBARIAN KING 10D12
AFTER THIS JUST DOUBEL EVERYTHING, SO 11 LEVEL TAKES 1300000 POINTSXP AND IS CALLED A DOUBEL SAVIGE BUT THE HP ONLY GETS +3
SAVING THROWS
BREATHING POISON/DEATH PARA. WAND SPELLS
LVL.1-3 13 10 14 13 18
4-6 11 8 12 11 14
7-9 9 6 10 9 10
10+ 2 2 2 2 3
GETOUT OF HEAR HOGAN THIS IS BARABARIANS ONLY!!!!!!1
SPECIAL ABILITYIES
KILLERS: ALL BARABRAIANS GET +1TOHIT/+1DAMAGE NO MATTER WHAT, PLUS THERE ANY OTHER BONUS – IF YOU ROLL A 20 TO HIT, ROLL 1D20 AGAIN AND IG YOU ROLL UNDER YOUR LEVEL THE FACE IS STABBED AND DEATH IS INSTANT
LOINCLOTH OR FUR SHORTS IS ALL YOU NEED: NEVER HAVE A PROBELM WITH COLD OR HOT DAYS, DONT SUFFER DAMAGE FROM THE ENVIRONMENT AS LONG AS YOU WEAR YOUR LOINCLOTH……MAGTIC COLD IS A DIFFERENT STORY
CIVILIZED IS FOR DORKS: BARBARIANS NEVER BUY SHIT AND SMART PEPLE WOULD NOT EVEN LET THEM IN THE STORE. YOU KEEP STUFF YOU STEAL OR FROM DICKS YOU KILL, BUT NEVER A SHOPPING TRIP. BOOZE OR FOOD OR SEXTIME IS THE EXCEPT, FROM A BAR OR HOORHOUSE.
NO MAGIC: DONT USE IT, OR POTIONS, OR EVEN LET SOME DICK CAST A FRIEND ON YOU EVEN IF HE IS A SPELL. NO MAGIC WEAPONS EVEN.
DONT NEED MAGIC: OH, TOUGH GUY UNDEAD-DEMON, HOW TO HIT IT WITH NO MAGIC? A SIMPLE PUNCH IN THE GOD-DAMN FACE WILL DO! BARBARIAN FISTS ARE AS GOOD AS MAGIC AND DO NORMAL DAMAGE. PUNCH A GHOST? HOW???!???!!1 WITH THE FIST, SAYS A BRABARIAN!!!!!!!!
DONT GET ALONG WITH CLERICS: YOU WILL JUST ARGUE ALL THE TIME ABOUT EVERY LITTLE SHIT, AND THEN IT ENDS WITH VIOLENCE
LEVELIGN UP: IT TAKES A SOMETHING EXTRA AS THE BARBAR LEARNS HIS WAY AROUND THE WORLD, SO DO THIS THINGS BEFORE YOU CAN MAEKTHE NEW L
EVEL:
BEFORE 2ND – KILL SOMEONE WITH BEAR HANDS
BEFROE 3RD – TAKE ON ENTIRE BAR IN BRAWL (AND WIN!!!)
BEFORE 4 – MAKE A NEW LOINCLOTH FROM FUR OF MONSTER AT LEAST 8HD (THE OLD ONE IS SUPER SMELLY!!)
BEFORE 5TH – BURN DOWN WHOLE VILLIGE
BEFORE 6TH – STEAL A GEM WORTH AT LEAST 50000GP, THEN LOSE IT LIKE A DOPE
BEFORE 7TH – BONE A QUEEN & THE KING FINDS OUT!!!!!
8TH – SMACK AROUND A GOD
BEFORE 9TH – MAKE A BIG PIRAMID FROM HEADS
BFORE 10 – CONKER A CITY
LEVEL POWERS
LEVEL TWO
DRUNK: BOTTLES OF BOOZE ACT AS HEALING POTIONS……. BUT YOU ALSO GET DRUNK SO NOT TOOO MUCH!!!!1
LEVEL THREE
YOU CAN USE ANY MAGIC AXE
LEVEL 4
SOME THIEF ABILITIES: MOVE QUIET, CLIMB STUFF, HIDE IN SHADOWS LIKE THIEF OF SAME LEVEL (BUT YOU NEVER HIDE IN SHADOWS TO LISEN TO A CONVERSATION OR MOVE QUIET TO SNEEK BYSO MEONE, ONLY TO PEEP ON CHICKS OR LAUNCH A CHOP-HEAD ATTACK.
LEVEL FIVE
YOU GET A FOLLOWER, ROLL ON THIS TABLE 1D12:
1-3 NERD: HE IS THE OPOSITE IN MANY WAYS OF YOU, AND HE TALKSLI KE A DORK AND HIS SHITS ALL LAME, BUT HE IS OKAY FOR NOW
4 – 6 SEXY CHICK: MAYBE GOOD WITH A BOW OR SOMETHING, CAREFUL THE HOT ONES ARETRICKERS!
7-9 LOSE CANNON WIZARD: ALWAYS DRUNK 75% OF TIME
10-12 ORNERY CRITTER: GOOD IN A FIGHT BUT EATS ALLOT AND WILL PEE ON YOU TO COMIC AFFECT
LEVEL 6
DONT HAVE TIME TO DIE: WHENEVER YOU GO TO 0 HP, SAVE VS. DEATH AND IF IT WORKS YOU GET HALF YOUR FULL HIT POINTS BACK- IF IT DOESNT WORK, YOU JUST DIED
LEVEL 7
WOLVERINE: YOU HEAL 4X FAST AS ANYONE (BUT CHOPPED OFF STUFF
DOES NOT GROWBACK………..OR MAYB EIT DOES????!?!?!?!?!?!!!?!1?!???!)
LEVEL 8
YOU CAN USE ANY MAGIC AXE, SPEAR, OR 2-HAND SWORD UNLES IT HAS STUPID POWERS LIKE LIGHT 10FEET RADIUM OR FIND SECRET DOORS OR STUFFF
LEVEL 9
TINY ITEM: A SAMLL THING YOU FIND AFTER KILLING A MILLION OR SO PEOPLE MAKES YOU CONSIDER IF THTHE BLOOD IS WORTH IT. IT IS A GIRL’S STUFFED DOLL, OR A TINY MUSIC BOX THAT PLAYS A SAD TOON, OR A TINY SHOE FOR A BABY THAT HAS THE FOOT STUCK INSI DE.TO LOOK AT IT YOU THINK “HOLY SHIT WHAT HAVE I DONE, ALL THE DEADS! THEY ARE ALL OF THEM LOST LIKE SOME TEARS IN THE RAIN………………….” THIS IS YOUR PRESHIOUS. IF ANY ONE TAKES IT YOU MUST TRACK THEM DOWN AND WHEN IT IS TIME TO FIGHT DOUBLE YOUR HIT POINTS AND STR BONUSES. IF IT EVER GETS DEST-ROYED FOR GOOD, YOU WILL EMBARK ON A MISSION OF SUICIDE AFTER YOU KILL THE HOLE WORLD FIRST.
LEVEL 10
KING OF BARBSARIANS……………… ASSEMBLE YOUR HOARD!!!!
CONAN GOES WITHOUT SAY AS THE BEST BARBARIAN, BUT CAN WE HAVE A CONSIDER OF OTHERS? I WOULD SAY ULTIMITE WARRIOR IS A GOOD BARBARIAN. RAMBO IS TO A GOOD BARBRAINIAN. AND ATILA THE HUND.
THE KID FROM THE CARTOON WITH THE UINIOCORN BUDDY WAS THE WORST BARBARIAN EVER AND SHOULS BE KILLED ON SITE.
THATS IT! NOW MAKE A BARABRIAN…………AND..
FIGHT!!!!!!!
Better than Black Pudding, ROFL. This shit is great.I hate it when my plate mail gets infested with leprechauns.
Fireball | One Use: Throw the shrivelled heart of a salamander, stored in cooking oil. 1/day: Sojourn to a Place of Fire and sacrifice a limb to the beings within. | A ball of flame explodes, dealing 5d6 damage to all in a 50’ radius. Victims may make a Dodge saving throw to halve damage received. |
I kept on misreading fog and frog interchangeably, making this sound like a really bizarre spell.
Fog Wall One Use: The caster swallows eight frogs whole to charge the spell - vomiting out fog at will. 1/day: Deliver freedom to a mist-wight. A 20’ thick bank of fog rolls in. It is immobile and opaque.