Real Life and What's Happening...

[David Johansen]

As I once told a psychiatrist who was concerned about my Dungeons & Dragons obsession. Of course I can tell fantasy from reality, reality sucks.

 

[noman]

As I once told a psychiatrist who was concerned about my Dungeons & Dragons obsession. Of course I can tell fantasy from reality, reality sucks.

I once had a shrink tell me I needed therapy. I told him he needed to STFU and make an Amber character.

 

[TheophilusCarter]

Leela: "Fry, this isn't TV. It's real life. Can't you tell the difference?"
Fry: "Sure. I just like TV better."

 

[noman]

Leela: "Fry, this isn't TV. It's real life. Can't you tell the difference?"
Fry: "Sure. I just like TV better."

RPGs are a cost-effect means of escapism. They're cheaper than drugs, gambling, hookers, or high-quality alcohol.

Can you remember the last time you went on a RPG bender, passed out, and woke up in the county jail? No? Me either.*

* Okay there was that one time! But that wasn't my fault!

 

[Spinachcat]

Pets are afraid of me and bigfoot lives in nature.

Stop eating out of the dog's bowl and be nicer to Chewbacca.

 

[TristramEvans]

I've been on a quest for many years now, pretty much my entire adult life.

My mother was only 16 when she had me. For all intents and purposes, I'm very lucky she was Catholic I suppose. But I was put up for adoption. The only relic I owned from my real mother was a stuffed mouse she bestowed upon my birth that had a wind-up mechanism that played 'Brahm's Lullaby.' That stuffed mouse, who somewhere along the road acquired the name 'Mousey' was my inseparable companion growing up, through foster homes and eventual adoption. The Hobbes to my Calvin. The Rosebud to my Kane. His music box mechanism long-since stopped working, his delicate felt hands multiple times replaced, his tail worn to nothing. I grew up drawing comics about Mousey and his adventures, he never strayed far from my bed. Then, tragically, when I left home at 13, he was lost, a loss that has haunted me since. A gnawing at my heart akin to the Velveteen Rabbit.

Finally today, after over a lifetime of searching, I've finally found that same plush Mouse again. Produced by a long-since dissolved Toy company from the 40s called Bantam.

 

[Ronin]

Thats awesome!

 

[The Butcher]

I've been on a quest for many years now, pretty much my entire adult life.

My mother was only 16 when she had me. For all intents and purposes, I'm very lucky she was Catholic I suppose. But I was put up for adoption. The only relic I owned from my real mother was a stuffed mouse she bestowed upon my birth that had a wind-up mechanism that played 'Brahm's Lullaby.' That stuffed mouse, who somewhere along the road acquired the name 'Mousey' was my inseparable companion growing up, through foster homes and eventual adoption. The Hobbes to my Calvin. The Rosebud to my Kane. His music box mechanism long-since stopped working, his delicate felt hands multiple times replaced, his tail worn to nothing. I grew up drawing comics about Mousey and his adventures, he never strayed far from my bed. Then, tragically, when I left home at 13, he was lost, a loss that has haunted me since. A gnawing at my heart akin to the Velveteen Rabbit.

Finally today, after over a lifetime of searching, I've finally found that same plush Mouse again. Produced by a long-since dissolved Toy company from the 40s called Bantam.

Fucking onion cutting ninjas.

 

[noman]

I've been on a quest for many years now, pretty much my entire adult life.

My mother was only 16 when she had me. For all intents and purposes, I'm very lucky she was Catholic I suppose. But I was put up for adoption. The only relic I owned from my real mother was a stuffed mouse she bestowed upon my birth that had a wind-up mechanism that played 'Brahm's Lullaby.' That stuffed mouse, who somewhere along the road acquired the name 'Mousey' was my inseparable companion growing up, through foster homes and eventual adoption. The Hobbes to my Calvin. The Rosebud to my Kane. His music box mechanism long-since stopped working, his delicate felt hands multiple times replaced, his tail worn to nothing. I grew up drawing comics about Mousey and his adventures, he never strayed far from my bed. Then, tragically, when I left home at 13, he was lost, a loss that has haunted me since. A gnawing at my heart akin to the Velveteen Rabbit.

Finally today, after over a lifetime of searching, I've finally found that same plush Mouse again. Produced by a long-since dissolved Toy company from the 40s called Bantam.

 

[Spinachcat]

Many kudos Tristam to you and Mousey.

 

[Bunch]

I've been on a quest for many years now, pretty much my entire adult life.

My mother was only 16 when she had me. For all intents and purposes, I'm very lucky she was Catholic I suppose. But I was put up for adoption. The only relic I owned from my real mother was a stuffed mouse she bestowed upon my birth that had a wind-up mechanism that played 'Brahm's Lullaby.' That stuffed mouse, who somewhere along the road acquired the name 'Mousey' was my inseparable companion growing up, through foster homes and eventual adoption. The Hobbes to my Calvin. The Rosebud to my Kane. His music box mechanism long-since stopped working, his delicate felt hands multiple times replaced, his tail worn to nothing. I grew up drawing comics about Mousey and his adventures, he never strayed far from my bed. Then, tragically, when I left home at 13, he was lost, a loss that has haunted me since. A gnawing at my heart akin to the Velveteen Rabbit.

Finally today, after over a lifetime of searching, I've finally found that same plush Mouse again. Produced by a long-since dissolved Toy company from the 40s called Bantam.

Anyone else wondering what adventures Mousey has been having?

Who knows maybe you found the son of Mousey?

 

[noman]

Inside your particular popo unit or within the system as a whole?

Think of a human body that's wracked with untreated cancer. There are still healthy cells, but less and less as time goes by. Less and less where it matters.

You can be a cop or a criminal. You can't be both. There are a lot cops who still understand this; they do a soul-crushing job because they love their communities and truly believe in 'protect and serve'. But the system is what it is. It takes its toll.

It is not.

I've been legal consulting for several years and I am working hard on leaving it behind for a new career direction.

And here's the scary part. I didn't enter the legal arena as Pollyanna with trust in my heart. I was hardened, but I had no idea how amazingly grotesquely corrupt the courts can be (especially in family law where I mostly operate). Civil is also a shitshow, but at least most people settle to avoid the shitshow.

I saw some of this when I worked court. Criminal cases were one thing, but watching civil cases was like an ongoing slideshow of the very worst in human nature.

 

[Ladybird]

The smaller the stakes, the more vicious the fights.

 

[Raleel]

Taking my moment to bitch in here.

Last year and a half has been pretty icky in the job department. Increasingly unsatisfying as I move into management. I am unhappy with where my project is going and it's likely impact. I'm very much a "I have X number of years, I need to get shit DONE" kind of person. It's started affecting my personal life a bunch, drinking more than I like, etc. My wife's pretty good, and we're not having issues, so that's good. No money problems, just really a lot of unhappiness, making it hard for me to be available at home for my son and my wife.

Then my brother in law, who was working 2 jobs full time for years has a break down and attacks his girlfriend and his teen kids. Ends up in jail. guy has no record, no history. Just snapped and had a psychotic episode, no doubt driven by various prescription substances that he took to help him get sleep and try and maintain this shit. This removed my wife from the support network I needed just as my work amped up into shitty - my support network is VERY small due to family bullshit.

anyhow, I'd like to move out of computer security and move into my data analysis that I love, and probably more on the social good side of things (I know about data science for the social good). I'm not trained in the area, but I have been doing data analysis in computer security for more than a decade. I don't really feel like computer security is helping people where they need it - basic human needs shit.

anyhow, I'm alright, my wife and I had a good talk yesterday, and I suspect I'll be looking to move off this shitty ass project here soon (I can move around in the company fairly easily).

 

[TheophilusCarter]

Raleel, I feel you. Without too much detail, I'm at a point in my career where I should feel like things are really taking off, but instead feel like they're at a low point. Probably just the usual mid-life crisis bullshit ... In the meantime, hang in there - and play more games.

 

[TristramEvans]

I can understand that pressure Raleel. Work stress drains so much on a person's life, and it can feel like a hamster wheel when you're doing something you don't enjoy.

 

[Raleel]

heh, didn't realize until after i looked at it again how foul mouthed i was sorry folks but it is cathartic

TheophilusCarter yep, very much that point. i should be feeling good that i'm moving up and getting more exposure, but it's just not satisfying for me. I am a goddamn wizard at what i do, and understand the process like very few in my area. It makes me happy, I want to do it in my spare time because it's downright fun. Thus, I want to move back to that.

 

[Spinachcat]

Just snapped and had a psychotic episode, no doubt driven by various prescription substances that he took to help him get sleep and try and maintain this shit.

There have been several class action lawsuits against pharma companies because of incidents like this. I know Abilify is being investigated currently for some creepy side effects. If you are still in touch with your brother in law, he may want to see legal counsel. He's not the first to go from zero to psycho on prescription meds.

anyhow, I'd like to move out of computer security and move into my data analysis that I love, and probably more on the social good side of things

Can you move from security to analysis as a lateral move in salary and title?
Are there local companies (or non-profits or gov't agencies) with the right roles?
If so, start a quiet job search. No time like the present to change jobs.
Life is too short to be stuck in a bad job.

Also, if you are on a crapass project, its better to bail before the project disintegrates. It doesn't affect your resume as long as everything melts down after you leave!

 

[Spinachcat]

You can be a cop or a criminal. You can't be both.

Unfortunately, you most certainly can be both.

But the system is what it is. It takes its toll.

What is the worst part of the system for cops?

What was the last straw for you?

Ex-cop is a good background for a lot of jobs. I hope you landed on your feet, and if you have not, please know that your skills absolutely do have significant value in the marketplace, but you might need to find the right company and right role.

 

[Raleel]

There have been several class action lawsuits against pharma companies because of incidents like this. I know Abilify is being investigated currently for some creepy side effects. If you are still in touch with your brother in law, he may want to see legal counsel. He's not the first to go from zero to psycho on prescription meds.




Can you move from security to analysis as a lateral move in salary and title?
Are there local companies (or non-profits or gov't agencies) with the right roles?
If so, start a quiet job search. No time like the present to change jobs.
Life is too short to be stuck in a bad job.

Also, if you are on a crapass project, its better to bail before the project disintegrates. It doesn't affect your resume as long as everything melts down after you leave!

Thanks. He is in contact with a lawyer. It’s being pursued.

I can move laterally pretty easily. It’s more finding the right work. I actually work for the government, so it’s more of a matter of time. I made some progress on this yesterday, finding that I can get some of my time doing analysis (which I like) and helping out some junior analysts (which I like) over the next year. I can’t up and change jobs in the next seven months without taking a penalty due to an agreement with the company.

I’ll be fine, really. Just kind of all cropped up at once.

 

[noman]

Raleel

I sincerely hope things work out for your brother-in-law, and his family is okay. Likewise I hope you find the type of work you're searching for.

 

[noman]

What is the worst part of the system for cops?

Jesus, Spinach. I don't even know where to begin to answer that. It's complicated. And because the issue is complicated is why there's no real effort to address it.

The simple answer is the crisis of ethics within the profession. But that's both a cop-out (ha!) and me being a complete hypocrite. I'm no angel, and I was happy to let a lot of shit pass. I'm not an absolutist with regard to the ethics of the job because you have to have some gray areas in order to (a) survive the job and (b) do it effectively. Sometimes you have to bend the rules; sometimes you have to break them a little.

But there are limits. I found mine.

You need higher standard of ethics in the profession. You need a strong IA department. You need quality control, especially the higher you go in rank. My department was so rotten it stank, but that rot started at the top and worked its way down. Leadership matters.

But that's just the surface. American law enforcement is a profession that endures a great deal of pressure from a variety of legal, criminal, and cultural forces. This pressure has an effect, on the profession itself and the men and women who make it up. I could go on and on about each of the factors in play and what effect they have, but it'd be better to simply say there are so many pressures, stressors, and dangers within the job, with no real support by the public cops are tasked to serving, that the profession itself lends itself to corruption.

LE is always evolving. In the late 90s, there was this thing called community policing. The idea being to reach out to the public, especially high-crime areas, in new ways. Deploy new communication strategies. Build rapport. Win the public's support. And it was working. There were noticeable reductions in crime and deaths (both officer and not) where this strategy was used.

Then 911 happened and everything went to hell. Community policing was mostly abandoned and we went back to Us vs. Them. On my first day on the street, I was told that anyone not wearing a uniform was the enemy.

Ethics matter. Leadership matters. Quality control matters. I can forgive a lot of gray areas because I've been there and something things aren't black and white, but certain lines can not be crossed. Communication and trust between LEOs and the public matters. These things were eroding by the time I quit. I can only imagine what it's like out there now.

But you asked what the worst part was. If I had to pick a single thing, it's the courts.

LE policy, powers, and expansion are determined by case law. The courts almost always side with LE in any given case where LE powers are challenged by the public. That, combined with the fact that unless you've got a strong IA department that actually deals properly with problem officers, results in there being no consequences for abuses of LE authority, gross negligence of duty, or outright criminal behavior. You can think of LE as being an angry teenager, then give that teenager more and more power, but no real consequences for misbehavior, and you can imagine where that's going to go.

My Exibit A for this is the fact that police are not required to protect you.

Yeah. Shocker for me too when I found out.

There needs to be actual consequences for incompetence, abuses in power, and criminal behavior, beyond slaps on the wrist.

What was the last straw for you?

Not going to go there. Because melodramatic backstory materiel that has no place anywhere on this forum. I'll only repeat what I said above: I found my limitations; it was a bitter pill to swallow.

I gave my two weeks, turned in my gear, flipped off the Major, and quit. Twenty-four hours later, I was gone. Nobody knew where I was.

It was a few years later before I put down roots on the other side of the country.

Now I'm a civilian. I get pulled over like everybody else. Dealing with me is a dream. It's all "Yes, sir. No, sir." And doing all of the things that makes a cop feel safe during a stop. And even though I'm mindful of the fact there's a good chance the cop I'm dealing with is okay, I'm still evaluating him as a threat.

I hope you landed on your feet...

I appreciate that. I'm doing okay. Doing my own thing now, outside of my original career. I'm enjoying a nice, low-stress, boring life now.

EDIT:

Most of my friends that became cops have quit by now, just the amount of on the job injuries is ridiculous: shot, stabbed, terrifying car accident? Got 'em.

Yeah. Pretty much. The smart ones have the sense to quit. Of the small group of fellow deputies I trusted and was friends with, I'm the only one still standing and functional.

 

[Raleel]

Dealing with me is a dream. It's all "Yes, sir. No, sir." And doing all of the things that makes a cop feel safe during a stop. And even though I'm mindful of the fact there's a good chance the cop I'm dealing with is okay, I'm still evaluating him as a threat.

heh, this is me. I've not been a cop, but realizing these guys are going into hazardous situations all the time, you gotta think everythign is a risk. So make them feel like everything is nice and easy and predictable. Hands are on 10 and 2 when they walk up to the car. Announce what actions you are taking if it might involve something hidden from their sight. Yes, sir. No, sir. Once you get past some of the formalities, I might ask them how their day is going and try and be pleasant as possible. I make sure to take down my hood and take off my sunglasses so I don't look like a hoodlum (really, I do when I have them on).

 

[Bunch]

I've gotten out of almost every ticket I could have been given in my life by just being a basically respectful human being to the police. It's shocking to just how hard it is for people to behave civilly for ten minutes even if you think you have done nothing wrong.

I'm curious if you see any correlation between big city and small city for relative corruption. I ask because I live in a smallish affluent area with almost zero violent crime and I suspect average drug use by teens. Property crime is probably the biggest problem and even that is relatively rare. I just assume my town is relatively easy place to be a cop.

 

[Raleel]

I'm curious if you see any correlation between big city and small city for relative corruption. I ask because I live in a smallish affluent area with almost zero violent crime and I suspect average drug use by teens. Property crime is probably the biggest problem and even that is relatively rare. I just assume my town is relatively easy place to be a cop.

I don't think the correlation is big city/small city as much as rich/poor.

 

[noman]

I hear ya on that other stuff, heard about the same from my friends. As far as work goes, it was slightly humorous when a friend who always tried to get me to join the force, 10 years in, he calls and asked if I could get him a job at my company as an apprentice carpenter, "I just want to hit something that doesn't hit back" is what he said. He's a contractor now. Being a carpenter is a good job if you like that kind of work, going to school I did a lot of crap work, like in factories on the third shift, last two years as a carpenter on a framing crew were a good deal.

I don't regret the job; I did things I never thought I'd be able to do in a million years, and I learned a lot about people and myself. But if I had to do it all again, I'd be an electrician, a plumber, or something.

heh, this is me. I've not been a cop, but realizing these guys are going into hazardous situations all the time, you gotta think everythign is a risk. So make them feel like everything is nice and easy and predictable. Hands are on 10 and 2 when they walk up to the car. Announce what actions you are taking if it might involve something hidden from their sight. Yes, sir. No, sir. Once you get past some of the formalities, I might ask them how their day is going and try and be pleasant as possible. I make sure to take down my hood and take off my sunglasses so I don't look like a hoodlum (really, I do when I have them on).

You have no idea how much that kinda thing matters. Just dealing with somebody that's not being an asshole about being stopped is often the highlight of the shift. Anyone who's worked in the service industry, and deals with the rare customer who treats you like an actual human being, will understand where I'm coming from.

Fun fact: most cops get killed in one of two situations: domestic violence calls and routine traffic stops. If you're pulled over, and you're wondering why he's approaching your car with his hand on his sidearm, this is why.

I do all the things you describe, with one exception. I don't get chatty. I'm polite, but I don't try to talk the cop up. The reason for this is being talkative can be construed as nervousness, which in turn leads to suspicion. Also, there's a type of professional criminal I call the "Smooth Talker", who likes to chat up the cops in order to feel him out, distract him while his buddies are setting him up, or working some kind of angle. Some cops (like me) get immediately suspicious if somebody is being too friendly.

I've gotten out of almost every ticket I could have been given in my life by just being a basically respectful human being to the police. It's shocking to just how hard it is for people to behave civilly for ten minutes even if you think you have done nothing wrong.

I've literally been called everything in the book. When I worked the jail, I got ragged on a little by the inmates (like everybody else) as they let off some steam or try to push buttons. I actually preferred them to the public, as most the inmates and convicts understood the rules of the game, and the public doesn't have a clue.



One of the great thing about that job is you learn that so many people are out there paying their taxes. 'Cause they will tell you. All the time.

The Public: "I pay taxes; I pay your salary!"

Me: "And that why you're the worst boss ever."

That usually shuts them up.

I'm curious if you see any correlation between big city and small city for relative corruption.

I don't. I don't have any statistics to back it up, but I'd argue that population density is not a significant factor in the level of corruption of a LE agency. I think you'd have to evaluate on a case by case basis. Leadership matters. If you've got good leaders heading your SO or PD, then there's likely going to be less corruption.

I worked for a particularly bad department, and I know there were larger agencies out there that were cleaner than we were. I partnered for a while with an ex-LAPD guy who had fled after the Rampart scandle. And even he remarked about how nasty things were here. I think YMMV.

I ask because I live in a smallish affluent area with almost zero violent crime and I suspect average drug use by teens. Property crime is probably the biggest problem and even that is relatively rare. I just assume my town is relatively easy place to be a cop.

Well, it's probably better than Detroit.

If there's not a heavy crime element there, your town either hasn't been discovered yet, or there are already organized crime assets present that are laying low.

I worked a semi-rural county in the South, meaning it was a once-rural area enjoying rapid economic development, as land was cheap and companies were moving in. It was a large, high crime area in the middle of a major drug-running route. Heavy drug use: mostly heroine, crack, and meth. Domestic violence like you'd never believe. Heavy violent crime; we had above-average shootings and LEO deaths in the line of duty. The major organized crime faction was a white supremacist group that owned the meth, robbery, and murder-for-hire markets in the region. They got taken down during the time I was there. That created a vacuum. You know what filled it? The Russian mob.

I grew up in a town similar to what you describe. A decade after I left it, I get told by one the top gang experts in the state that he was on his way there. The Yakuza had moved in, and the locals had no idea how to deal with it.

In the late 80s and the early 90s, big city gangs began sending scouts into rural towns in the South and Midwest. You know what they called Atlanta? A Gangbanger's Disneyland.

There's certain cliches about small times cops. Mayberry doesn't exist. Neither does Barney Fife. That old cop who "never drew my gun in the thirty years on the job", I never met him. The old guy I knew, my mentor, was a terrifying son-of-a-bitch.

During my last year on the job, I found myself dealing with an unruley female. I had to take her in, and I had to apply force. I had a taser. For the first time in years, I hesitated (hesitate and you're dead). I somehow sweet-talked her into my car and got her to jail, where she made bail shortly thereafter.

She was the girlfriend of the local Russian BMOC. I had the distinct feeling that if I tased that crazy bitch, I'd be poking a hornet's nest that operated on an entirely different level than the local gangsters I was used to.

Corruption aside, the writing was on the wall. It was time to get out.

 

[Endless Flight]

I’ve only been pulled over a few times in my life and have always been respectful. “Thank you, officer” etc. The only time I was ever pissed and I was still cordial was when I saw the cop in a speed trap, I slowed down and went past him, he pulled out turned on his lights, pulled me over. Got out of his car and came up and said to me “You we’re going 52 in a 40. You slowed down to 46, but it wasn’t enough.” He preceded to write me a ticket that cost about $100. I was pissed, not because I speeded but because I perceived it as him rubbing it in after he wrote me the ticket. I didn’t even say have a nice day.

 

[Bunch]

The only time in my life I disliked cops was the teenage years. Mostly because they would do shit to us they back then would never do to our parents. Even then I was polite. It just seemed to be the best way to increase my chances of getting out of the ticket.

 

[noman]

I’ve only been pulled over a few times in my life and have always been respectful. “Thank you, officer” etc. The only time I was ever pissed and I was still cordial was when I saw the cop in a speed trap, I slowed down and went past him, he pulled out turned on his lights, pulled me over. Got out of his car and came up and said to me “You we’re going 52 in a 40. You slowed down to 46, but it wasn’t enough.” He preceded to write me a ticket that cost about $100. I was pissed, not because I speeded but because I perceived it as him rubbing it in after he wrote me the ticket. I didn’t even say have a nice day.

I had a rule. I 'd either lecture, or I'd punish. Not both. So if I pulled somebody over for a broken tail light, I'd give a lecture about getting it fixed, but wouldn't issue a citation. Then I'd let them go. Likewise, if I wrote a ticket, that was it. I'd explain what the citation was for and what can be done about it. That's all. Running traffic, I wanted to get the person I pulled over back on the road as soon as I could. I didn't like wasting time over petty crap.

Some cops loved running traffic. I hated it. I pulled people over to look for smugglers, not to write tickets.

 

[Spinachcat]

Noman, thank you so much for talking about this as much as you have.

Please consider writing a book, either non-fic or a novel, either with your name or an alias.
What you have to say will be very interesting to both LEO and civilians interested in the situation.

 

[The Butcher]

Man, this thread took a turn to the depressing.

Noman, you have my sympathy. FWIW, the problem's hardly restricted to the US. In Brazil, too, corruption is rampant and not just in law enforcement.

I am also told, but have no way to confirm, that Rio's police leads the world in two very sad statistics — most likely to kill, and most likely to die on the job.

 

[noman]

Noman, thank you so much for talking about this as much as you have.

You're welcome. I haven't talked about this outside of my SO and a handful of trusted associates. I've only done so here, at your request and on this forum, due to the high regard I have for you and many others here.

Please consider writing a book, either non-fic or a novel, either with your name or an alias. What you have to say will be very interesting to both LEO and civilians interested in the situation.

No one will care, and it won't matter.

Man, this thread took a turn to the depressing.

I'm very sorry, Butcher. The last thing I wanted to do was make people feel bad. For what it's worth, I chose my words carefully so as to not go too deeply into the subject. I didn't give examples of corruption, or the more heinous crimes I saw, for example. I tried to have a light touch.

FWIW, the problem's hardly restricted to the US. In Brazil, too, corruption is rampant and not just in law enforcement.

I am also told, but have no way to confirm, that Rio's police leads the world in two very sad statistics — most likely to kill, and most likely to die on the job.

It's worse in many other countries.

 

[Bunch]

You're welcome. I haven't talked about this outside of my SO and a handful of trusted associates. I've only done so here, at your request and on this forum, due to the high regard I have for you and many others here.



No one will care, and it won't matter.



I'm very sorry, Butcher. The last thing I wanted to do was make people feel bad. For what it's worth, I chose my words carefully so as to not go too deeply into the subject. I didn't give examples of corruption, or the more heinous crimes I saw, for example. I tried to have a light touch.



It's worse in many other countries.

I remember travelling through Morocco and the driver being so happy he was carrying tourists. Apparently the cops are paid so low there they regularly setup stops to just fleece drivers but they only do it to locals. If they hurt the tourist industry they'd get fired.

 

[Spinachcat]

No one will care, and it won't matter.

You would be very surprised. There are millions of LEO, ex-LEO, LEO friends, LEO family and interested non-LEO. AKA, you have a built in audience for your work - especially if you let loose with what you are just hinting about here. An alias (nom de plume!) and changing the people and place names will provide the cover of anonymity.

Your book may not change anything, but there is a catharsis for many people when they read about experiences they either share or heard about occurring to people who matter to them.

It may be very eye opening to friends and family of LEO who are having (or had) a rough time and help them better understand what the LEO might not be willing or able to express themselves.

And THEN it can be made into an action packed buddy cop movie with Shia LeBeouf, Miley Cyrus and Dr. Dre as the angry sergeant with a heart of gold and a foul mouthed police dog voiced by Bob Saget!!

 

[noman]

Since I've been a depressing donkey-bitch lately, I'd thought I'd share some weird/fun/silly stories from the popo-fun-times.

Crom

One night, when I was working in the jail, we had a guy go crazy in one of the cells. He had made a shank, and was threatening to kill himself. My LT, being the inspiring leader that he was, pointed at me and said, "Go handle it," before returning to his hot wings.

So me and and a couple of rookies went to deal with this guy. All the other inmates in the cell had backed the hell up to the other side of the cell (it was a wide, open room with multiple bunks, not single, individual cells) because they didn't want anything to do with this crap.

He was raving and ranting about how he was going to kill himself, and us, and the LT, and the sheriff, and so on and so forth. He was highly enthusiastic about the whole thing, which I have to applaud.

We pinned him in a corner, a good distance away, and were prepping for the charge. The rookies were about to shit themselves, and I was more than a little nervous myself. So I decided to break the ice a little.

"Before we do this," I told the rookies, "let us pray." I put my hands together, as if in prayer. The rookies, the crazy guy, and the inmates were looking at me like I was crazy. Except for the inmates who knew me; they were familiar with my antics.

"Crom!" I called passionately, while looking directly at the cray cray guy. "I have never prayed to you before. I do not have time for it. So if you won't help us now, TO HELL WITH YOU!"

By the time I was finished, he had dropped the shank. He happily allowed us to take him to a secure cell where he was checked on by the nurse.

Oops

While I was working patrol, I got a call of a suspicious person. I roll up on a guy walking down the side of a road, in the middle of the night. I stop him, put on all the "Hi there" lights, and get out talk to him. I ask for his ID, and he tells me he doesn't have any. He's thinking that things were going to go bad for him, given the circumstances, and I was inclined to agree. He needed to produce some ID, and the fact he couldn't or wouldn't was suggestive.

So I'm doing the street interview, trying to get a read on this guy, and he suddenly points at behind me. I put my hand on my pistol, back up, and quickly turn my head to look. And what do I see?

My brand new popo car is rolling backwards, down the hill I parked it on, heading towards the front lawn of somebody's house. And accelerating as it did so.

I never imagined I could run that fast.

I somehow got inside and stopped it. I had put it in neutral and failed to use the emergy brake. Idiot!

I got everything situated, and looked back to see the guy was still there. I drove up, got out, and walked back up to him.

"You didn't run," I stated.

"No, sir. I ain't gonna run. I don't need that kind of trouble."

I studied him for a minute. "Yout got somewhere you can go?"

"A buddy's house. He'll lend me a couch."

I nod at my car. "Get in the back, I'll give you a lift."

I put him in the back, and took him to the house. I stayed long enough to make sure he was legit, and watched as another male let him in the front door.

All that crap was recorded, of course. The video was required watching throughout the county. I got ragged on for weeks.

Marine life

Another jail story. One night we got an actual Navy SEAL in the jail. He was in for domestic. I don't even.

Quiet, polite, and did everything we told him. My LT, being the nice man that he is, and former Army, put him in one of the worst cells in the entire jail.

I only dealt with him once. I was doing my rounds and found him and his cellmates in lockdown. He was sitting at a table, playing chess with one of the alpha gangbangers while the rest were pressed against the opposite wall, clearly intimidated.

Badass, I thought.

Navy picked him up the next day.

Ghost story

There was this old cemetery in the middle of one of the towns in the county. It was beautifully scary at night. I had been meaning to tour it at some point, but hadn't had the time.

One night, on of the city cops asks for assistance with a stop. I'm there, and I roll up. It was a buddy of mine, a native to the area; we had gone to the academy together.

The suspect decides to run, and we go after him. We're huffing and puffing, and this guy outdistances us, then jumps the fence into the cemetery.

My buddy stops cold. I turn to him, "Why are you stopping?!"

"I ain't going in there," he stated flatly.

I cursed, jumped the fence and went in. Think every spooky, old cemetery you've ever seen in movies. That's where I found myself.

So I went stealth mode, and started searching.

Every now and then, I'd get this feeling. I'd get the feeling I was in real danger. It was like icewater running through my nerves while feeling a strong sense of prescience. I was experiencing it now.

I went on high alert, and kept searching.

I heard a scream. A grown man's scream. And I see the suspect, running like hell towards me. I raised my pistol.

He put his hands up. "Don't shoot, noman!" His eyes were wide as saucers and his face was a chalky gray.

"Don't shoot!" He repeated.

"Where is it?" I demanded. I was no longer pointing my pistol at him, but was covering the graveyard before me.

"We need to get the fuck out of here!" He said. He was barely holding it together.

"Yeah," I said. "Move slow, stay ahead of me. Run, or try for me, and I'll kill you."

He nodded, and we headed back to where we had jumped the fence. He was ahead of me, and I had my back to him, walking backwards, my pistol and flashlight frantically moving across the graveyard. We moved that way, at a fast walk, back to back.

I felt eyes on me. I felt like I was being tracked. It wasn't an animal.

I'd never, ever ever turn my back on somebody like that. But you deal with the bigger threat before the lesser, and this guy knew I was the only protection he had.

We got to the fence, somehow managing to get over it without pissing ourselves. My buddy was still there. I glared at him.

He hooked up the suspect, and told me, "I told you not to go in there."

I know there was something there. I know it wasn't an animal. Neither my buddy or the suspect would tell me anything.

When I wrote the report, I suggested there was a wolf or wild dog in the cemetery.

And that's it. I hope this was at least somewhat amusing.

 

[Ronnie Sanford]

You have some good stories Noman. I bet you have had an interesting life! I look forward to more stories sometime!

 

[noman]

You have some good stories Noman. I bet you have had an interesting life! I look forward to more stories sometime!

These days, I'm literally the most boring human being you'll ever meet. And I like it that way.

 

[Ronnie Sanford]

These days, I'm literally the most boring human being you'll ever meet. And I like it that way.

Yeah I am there with you. I am as boring as a 53 year old guy with a 7 year old daughter can be. BTW - I loved your Part-Time Gods review and I am half way through the book. My group is considering now whether to run another game of Cthulhu or try Part Time Gods. When that happens I will probably have a lot of questions or you. Are there any of the Part Time Gods scenarios or modules you would recommend? I will probably write something myself (steal some ideas from American Gods) but if there is something good out there I could be convinced to use it.

 

[noman]

Yeah I am there with you. I am as boring as a 53 year old guy with a 7 year old daughter can be. BTW - I loved your Part-Time Gods review and I am half way through the book. My group is considering now whether to run another game of Cthulhu or try Part Time Gods. When that happens I will probably have a lot of questions or you. Are there any of the Part Time Gods scenarios or modules you would recommend? I will probably write something myself (steal some ideas from American Gods) but if there is something good out there I could be convinced to use it.

Each of the books have a short scenerio. They're okay. I reccomend picking one of those and modding to taste.

Thanks for the kind words, Ronnie. I'm happy to talk about PTG, as it's growing on me. Like a fungus.

 

[Ronnie Sanford]

Yeah Tinanactin is good for that sort of thing! :-)