Totally Random Thread of Random Charts

TristramEvans

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1d20 Theives Tools

1. Pendulum of the Window-Sneak
A long silver thread with a sharp-tipped metal pendulum attached to the end. When spun in a circle, the metal tip slices cleanly and noiselessly through glass. It can even score most metal surfaces with ease.

2. Belfry Hooks
Two black-iron hooks on either end of a fifty-foot rope. The hooks, if one end is grounded to a fixed surface, prevent any objects tethered from making noise.

3. Bell of the Book-Imp
A crystal handbell that makes no noise when rung. It summons a small, ugly imp that can memorize the contents of a 500-page tome in approximately one minute. The imp can both remember the last three individual works it has memorized and recite excerpts and general details from these books when asked. It may only be summoned twice per day.

4. Karjar's Ear-Horn
A strange brass listening device that allows the user to hear all noise perfectly when held to a horizontal surface such as a floor, trapdoor, or ceiling. It will produce no sound when used to listen at vertical surfaces such as upright doors or walls. It has a 3 in 6 chance of working on slanted surfaces.

5. The Berubalian Lockpick
Slim steel rods bent at odd angles. They cannot unlock any device but will always find whether the lock is trapped or not without setting off said trap.

6. Blacktallow Candles
These three-inch candles with stubby wicks are colored by the ink of abyssal squid. When lit, the shadows cast by the small flames are strange and flickering, allowing twice the normal success rate of detecting magical illusions and hidden doors.

7. Longhand Gloves
Simple leather gloves with a mechanism that attaches to the wrist. When the thumb is pulled in and the other fingers held straight, six-inch metal wires extend from each digit. They can be used as lockpicks - and if the user is nimble enough, to pick pockets.

8. Eyes of Pete the Trustless
Simple spectacles with glyphs carefully carved into the wearer's side of the lens. They draw the wearer's eyes to facial expressions made by liars and bluffers.

9. Nine-Foot Pole
This wooden pole with an iron core is thrice as durable as an ordinary ten-foot pole and has the ability to pick up the vibration of magical gylphs, enchanted traps, illusory fields, and dimensional portals in a nine-foot radius from either end of the pole.

10. The Hangman's Savior
A nearly-translucent sheet of abyssal squid-flesh. When wrapped around one's neck it is nearly impossible to detect. It makes breathing difficult, but the wearer is immune to garrotes, strangling, and the hangman's noose while worn.

11. Black Geodes of the Glitterdeep Gnomes
Stones just large enough to use in a sling. When used as ammunition or thrown with sufficient force to cause damage, they shatter. When a black geode breaks, it causes a howling noise and a ten foot radius cloud of strange, sparkling smoke. The smoke disrupts all spells in the radius and prevents light from escaping. Lasts for three rounds.

12. Tunnel-Rat's Pipe
A hollow iron pipe the size of a shortsword and with a one-inch diameter. One end is sharpened. A strange valve allows air to flow only from the sharpened end to the blunt end, and not the either way around.

13. Gorgok Bladder
This elastic sac is small enough to fit in a closed fist. When struck with enough force to cause damage the bladder will rapidly swell to three feet in diameter breaking free of anything restraining. It can shatter wood and bend metal.

14. Androsta's Puzzle Cube
This strange metal device comes paired with a small wand of the same material. When the wand is tapped against a puzzle or lock, the cube will shift to replicate the object and allow the user to examine it in perfectly-duplicated detail.

15. Hole-Breakers
Large, single-use pitons with an oddly splintered design. When used with a hammer to breach a hole in any single, solid surface the result will always be a four-foot diameter hole that leaves the surrounding rface structurally sound. If the surface is too small for such a hole, it will likely crumble in on itself.

16. Houndsbane
A silver harp with fine strings. When played, it makes no noise at a frequency that humans can hear. All creatures with keen hearing within one hundred feet (ex: dogs, elves, bats) must save or be stunned until the harp stops playing. If the creature passes, it must repeat this save every round.

17. Siphoncoins
Each siphoncoin is tied to a siphonpouch, which can be any receptacle. Most siphoncoins are designed to be slightly larger than a gold or silver piece. Any metal object smaller than a siphoncoin that comes into contact with it has a 1 in 6 chance of being discretely transported to the siphonpouch through a teleportation enchantment.

18. The Last Job
The enchanted skull of a dead thief and a personal trinket of that thief from when they were alive. A gemstone must be placed in each eye socket. The trinket will become uncomfortably hot to the touch if the skull detects any creature in its line of sight.

19. Slithereels
2d6 black eels trapped in a jar of slimy water. They require a small amount of food daily and will perish if exposed to bright light for more than one hour. When dropped into a body of water, they will search out and find underwater passages - hidden or otherwise - without fail, marking them with strange black smears.

20. Lily of the Fragile Valley
This small white flower is surprisingly durable to physical roughness, but will begin to wilt when exposed to gases or vapors that are harmful to humans, even if odorless.
 

TristramEvans

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1d20 Weapons for Thieves

1. Northman's Garrote

A loop of garrote-wire with a strange magnetic clasp at either end. If the wielder throws one end, it will encircle its target before catching on its own wire and tightening. It can be thrown at a target up to ten feet away.

2. Albert's Hollow Needle

A slim, golden needle roughly one foot in length. The needle can be used to draw out three standard vial's worth of liquids, and will store as much in its body. When it pricks flesh, it will always inject one dose of any stored liquid. There is no other way to reliably extract liquids stored within.

3. Quayshiv
Curved steel blades that nestle comfortably against one's palm. Can be used as a dagger, but while hidden in one's palm allows the wielder to safely catch swords and blades in their hand.

4. Errant Blade
Magical knives that must be paired to a spellcaster's familiar. The daggers may be thrown at any creature the familiar can see, attacking as normal around obstacles, over walls, through windows, etcetera.

5. Pisces' Quizblade
A delicate shortsword with an ivory hilt. The dark blade glows a faint shade of green when there is a solvable puzzle within sixty feet. This does not include traps.

6. Tigerclaws
Gloves made from the paws of a slain Lamorrian tiger with the claws still attached. They can be used as a natural weapon and provide a bonus to climbing surfaces. The wearer will occasionally feel the deep-seated need to feast on raw flesh.

7. Loyal Dagger
A simple iron dagger with a fine sheathe. A small latch in the sheathe, when pulled, will cause an enchantment upon the dagger to briefly activate. It will glow red-hot and inflict serious burns upon the wielder unless it is dropped immediately.

8. Tripwire Knives
A pair of strange, fork-like throwing knives with two-pronged tips. If both are thrown correctly at the same time, they can cut a tripwire and pin both ends into a solid surface without setting off a tension trap.

9. Slumbershiv

A small, grooved dagger with a secret catch and an interior chamber in the hilt designed to hold the strangely-corrosive green lizard bile. This particular bile acts as a venom when injected into the human body. It puts the victim into a semi-comatose state where they appear dead but can see and feel normally. They will remain in this state for approximately three hours.

10. Water Arrows
Aerodynamic glass capsules filled with pressurized water attached to the end of an arrow-shaft. When impacting a torch or lantern, they will shatter and extinguish the light source.

11. Ring-Dart
A long, vicious dart with a barbed tip designed to embed itself deeply into flesh. It is paired with an ornate golden ring. When a secret catch on the ring is depressed, the dart tears itself free and if possible returns to the hand the ring is on.

12. Handsaw of Jinzo the Brutal
A butcher's cleaver with an extended handle and a serrated blade. It is crafted to tear through the hide and flesh of creatures. The blade can sunder leather armor with ease and can also be used to grip most shields and rip them from their user's hands.

13. Partho's Diminutive Spear
A black-iron rod approximately two feet in length with a loop to secure it to one's pack. A hidden catch allows it to extend into a full-length spear, or compress back into rod form.

14. Rapier of the Nimble Fingers
This long, slender blade has a large basket to protect the wielder's hand against other weapons. It sports a strange amount of flex. More strangely, only those who have seen the rapier can see the marks left behind - gouges left on surfaces and wounds on corpses are invisible to any who have never seen it flourished.

15. The Faceflayer of the Glitterdeep Gnomes
A strange green gemstone chiseled and scraped into a sharp blade. If used to slay a creature, their face is replaced with smooth, featureless flesh in 1d6 rounds.

16. Arrows of Jion the Swift
Once shot, anyone who goes to retrieve one of these fine golden arrows will find that their run speed is doubled so long as they move towards the arrow.

17. Gloves of Silence
Thick leather gauntlets and hand wraps to protect the wearer's knuckles. When used to strike a foe, the victim must save vs paralysis or be rendered mute for one round.

18. Necksnapper Wand
A simple iron mace with a round, featureless head. Attacks made with this weapon against unsuspecting targets roll an extra damage die.

19. The Gabriella Martin
Stout oak formed into a crossbow with a silent hand crank. The heavy-duty nature of the bow allows it to fire modified climbing pitons, so long as only lightweight rope is attached prior to firing.

20. Hand of the Pale Spirit
A simple wood wand with a ruby tip. In addition to serving as a spellcasting focus, it can be used twice per day to cast one of the following spells:
  • Lock/Unlock
  • Extinguish/Create Flame
  • Silence/Deafening Bang
  • Create/Reduce Shadows
  • Banish/Summon Ghosts
 

TristramEvans

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1d20 Oils

1. Twice-Boiled Lock-Grease

When applied to the interior of an open lock, this grease will allow the lock to seemingly close and be locked as normal. Anyone who knows that the grease has been applied can easily open the lock again.

2. Hinge-Paste
This yellow ichor can be smeared on hinges and will lock their use for one hour before weakening. During this time, the door cannot be forced open and must either be removed from the frame or broken through.

3. Boot-Slime
Thick green gel that may be used to treat one's boots. Ten minutes after applying, the boots will have terrible grip and almost no traction, but will not leave any footprints regardless of soft terrain or debris on the floor. Lasts for one hour.

4. Oil of the Sanctified Blade
Typically used in religious ceremonies by a reclusive order of swordsmen, this oil will seemingly sharpen any blade it is applied to. The process takes roughly an hour, but will leave the blade honed to a razor's edge.

5. Arrow-Pitch
A simple black salve made from the ink of some deep-sea creature, this dark liquid seems to absorb light. When fired in low-light conditions, projectiles treated with this oil are nearly invisible, and determining where the attack originated from is twice as difficult.

6. Oil of the Burglar
A strange perfume that requires three uses before the user is immune to the effects. It is nearly scentless, but anyone with the senses of an ordinary human can subconsciously detect it within one hundred feet. It causes any who smell it to instinctively avoid the area, whether they realize it or not.

7. Parrot Juice
Foul-tasting liquid that, when consumed, grants the user the ability to almost-perfectly mimic any noise heard for the next hour.

8. Slippery Jack's Homebrew
A flask of potent lubricant, a quick dowsing of the oil on one's body allows the user to go prone after moving and continue to slide. they will slide the same distance they moved prior to dropping prone. This oil also makes climbing and being grappled nearly impossible. This effect lasts for one hour.

9. Extract of the Mindflayer
A swirling purple oil that can be rubbed into one's scalp to develop temporary mental powers. For one hour after application, the user can read the surface thoughts of those they speak with, and can detect living creatures within a sixty-foot radius.

10. Oil of Anonymity
An odd salve that, when applied to one's face, causes others to perceive the wearer as being featureless and exceptionally difficult to remember. They will not realize the effect until they can no longer see the wearer and try to recall them. The effect lasts for one hour.

11. Lungman’s Ale
A strangely elastic substance that, when consumed, coats one's insides for an hour. It suppresses the noise of one's breathing and even the sound of one's heartbeat, making detection quite difficult.

12. Oil of Drunken Revelry
A small flask of golden liquid. When slipped into an alcohol substance - such as a keg of ale or a jug of wine - it enhances the effectiveness of the alcohol's inebriation. Anyone who partakes of a drink spiked in such a way is thrice as likely to become inebriated and the wildness of their behavior is altered to be more extreme.

13. Flame-Douser
A bluish oil that can be tossed into a fire. Any fuel it contacts will cause the flames to burn a dark shade of blue and cast a far more subtle light. Furthermore it will eliminate all smoke; the fire will instead give off a colorless and wispy vapor that is difficult to spot.

14. Ethereal Oil
This vial of pastel fluid can be doused on one's body to cause them to appear chalky-white and glow faintly. It will also cause their outline to seemingly shimmer and warp, giving them a very ghost-like appearance. This effect lasts for three hours.

15. Oil of Sticky Fingers
A simple but popular oil used by many thieves that gives one's fingertips extra grip, and allows them to more easily retrieve items from pockets or out of slim coinpurses. Lasts for one hour.

16. Oil of the Owl
A cheap black substance that can be smeared about one's eyes. When wearing this paint, the user's vision is amplified to better see in the dark. The effect is so strong that the user is able to more accurately spot fine and hidden details, but they are more susceptible to blinding effects. Lasts for six hours, or until removed.

17. Demon's Embrace
A blood-red salve that can be used by a desperate individual. It gives the wearer a strange amount of courage, allowing them to tackle challenges that would normally instill great fear in the user. Lasts for two hours.

18. Green Oils of the Trickster Dryad
Simple but effective oils that mask one's true nature. This causes any spell or ability that could detect one's alignment, type, nature, lies, or anything else of a personal nature to backfire or give incorrect results. Lasts for one hour.

19. Thieves' Holy Water
A mockery of the sanctified water of the more clerical, this salve was brewed with special herbs that are abhorrent to creatures of both devilish and celestial origin. It can be used to banish such monsters back to their realms of origin, or to remove their blessing/curses from an object.

20. Cuffslip Oil
This blackish oil has a strange effect on metal, causing it to grow almost elastic. If applied to metal handcuffs or bars, the user can easily bend or manipulate them in such a way that they cannot restrain the user. Lasts for ten minutes on steel.
 

TristramEvans

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1d20 Boots

1. Quickstep Treads

A set of light, comfortable leather boots with silver threadwork that give the user an advantage in ducking in and out of combat. Every lunge in and dash back seems more rapid to the opponent's eye, preventing counterattacks.

2. How To Fly and Other Lies
A pair of mismatched but magically paired boots. They allow the user to leap twice their normal height and recover from falls at the same height. Control over one's jumping is twice as difficult, however.

3. Boots of the Strangler
A pair of heavy, well-worn leather greaves that have been repaired time and time again. When dropping down from any height onto a creature, the user may instantly grab and restrain the creature with ease.

4. Tabi of the Silent
When worn on a non-natural surface, these comfortable cloth treads grant the wearer nearly silent footsteps. They also prevent any noise when dropping down from a height, so long as the wearer lands on their feet.

5. Gregor's Boots
A set of flashy red boots with ink-stained laces, these loud garments are enchanted to help rogues who are naturally suspicious of spellcasters. If the wearer detects a magical effect that is about to target them, the boots help them to leap away from danger.

6. The Purgatory Greaves
This set of heavy metal legguards are surprisingly quiet given their bulk and weight. They give the user a strange quality wherein their lies cannot be detected by magical means and when the user speaks, it is more likely to be assumed that they are an authority figure.

7. Oiled Boots
A pair of slick black leather treads, neatly kept in good condition with the ink of the abyssal squid. Boots treated in this manner have the unique quality of totally repelling all liquid - they will never grow wet and will never fill with water, and refuse to leave behind any sort of water-smeared footprint.

8. Squidskin Sandals
Silky white leather from the abyssal squid is stretched around a sturdy wooden frame. These sandals appear antiquated, but they are comfortable to wear at the very least. What’s more, with enough speed, they allow the wearer to practically run across a body of water so long as they can maintain a sprint. Any attempt to slow down or jump will result in a quick plunge.

9. Balthazar's Slippers of Wonder
Strange azure cloth with gold and silver threadwork, these pointy-toed monstrosities are an exceptionally loud choice. When worn, they can completely mask the wearer’s footsteps and instead project them to a spot the wearer can see nearby.

10. Magnet-Heels
Any boots treated with the gleaming oils of the red-shelled beetle can be imbued with the strangely magnetic properties. They allow the user to affix themselves to any metal surface at will. The strange enchantment of boots treated in this way are so strong that one could walk up a straight wall, were it made of iron.

11. Illusory Treads
The cursed leather of a murdered unicorn must be used to craft these boots, but they carry a powerful enchantment. Prints left behind by these boots always appear to be travelling in the opposite direction, and oftentimes will appear anywhere from one to ten feet away from where the wearer is stepping.

12. The Ghostwalkers
The haunted boots of an exhumed corpse; these shoes fill the user with dread but allow them to enter any house without waking the inhabitants so long as the wearer does not intend to visit any violence upon them. If they do intend violence, the cursed boots give off a loud rattling of chains and a low moaning noise that only the intended victim can hear.

13. Surestep Laces
Black leather laces intended to strap up one’s boots with. The wearer of boots augmented in this way will always know if their next step will land them either in a trap’s snare or into the range of an opponent’s strike.

14. Fencer's Insurance
Adorned with the insignia of a famous duelist, these light boots can give the wearer an incredible burst of speed once per day. If this speed is also used to make a lunging strike, the blow will never miss and can only be parried by a prodigy of the sword.

15. Boots of the Disciple
Simple leather boots used by the silent monks of the Talix mountains. When at full sprint, the wearer of these boots is able to run parallel to the ground on walls for half of their movement speed per turn.

16. Lantern-Keeper's Shoes
When a pair of shoes are left in an empty grave for three hundred and thirty-three days, the results are a set of cursed garments. Any light source held by the user is invisible to anyone not also wearing a pair of Lantern-Keeper’s Shoes

17. Gravekeep's Protection
Blessed leather is often gifted to those who tend graveyards as a way to ward off the undead underfoot. So long as one wears these, they are rendered invisible and undetectable to any unintelligent undead.

18. Slippers of the Shadowsneak
A strange set of shoes blessed by a master-thief using an arcane ritual, these shoes allow the user to appear as though they are sinking into shadows. Simply standing in a deep shadow is enough to grant cover against ranged attacks and aid in avoiding detection.

19. Orcish Warboots
Favored by some particularly tactless rogues, these orcish boots endow one’s kicks with exceptional might, allowing the wearer to more easily kick through doors and locked chests when more stealthy methods are ineffective.

20. Boots of the Garret Halfcaster
A pair of blue-leather boots with silver laces, these tall jackboots are infamous for their singular ability - once the wearer is airborne, they are able to make a single jump as though there were an invisible ledge beneath their feet at all times.
 

TristramEvans

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1d20 Trinkets

1. Red String

Tying a small red string around any one of one’s fingers makes them far less likely to accidentally trigger a trap they are disarming.

2. Broken Locket
So long as a picture is still contained within, a broken locket protects the owner from scrying magics while engaging in illicit activities.

3. Weather-Worn Ring
When a ring has been worn down by constant wear, it picks up a bit of luck of its own, adding it to the wearer’s. Wearing one such ring is said to increase the monetary gains from illegal activities and gambling.

4. Mute Chime
Plucking the striker free from a metal chime will make the owner more difficult to hear when attempting to sneak past attentive people.

5. Small Reminder
Keeping a short list of one’s goals and burning it shortly before setting out on a mission will ensure that one does not forget any of the details of the plan.

6. Sprig of Thyme
Carrying a small bunch of dried thyme in one’s satchel will ensure that if searched by a stranger, any hidden pouches will go undiscovered.

7. Desiccated Finger
Though morbid, this keepsake from a dead burglar’s hand will ensure the thief is able to locate the most valuable gemstones, coins, and souvenirs while looting an estate.

8. Black Pendant
Wearing any black stone necklace or amulet around one’s neck is said to ward off any curses a sorcerer would put on those who steal from them.

9. Cat’s Eye
Simply carrying this sort of gemstone around in one’s pocket is enough to give thieves the foresight to avoid trouble.

10. Silver Wire
Looping a silver wire around any of one’s belongings is enough to keep it from being forgotten or stolen.

11. Broken Lock
A broken lock will ward off any bad luck one might acquire from other small superstitions or hexes.

12. Rusty Lockpick
Carrying but never using a rusted lockpick is said to ensure that one’s own skills never grow rusty.

13. Broken Rosary
Any rosary not entirely intact will keep the thief’s soul safe, lest a sorcerer try to damn it with foul magics.

14. Grave Dirt
A pocket full of grave dirt is said to ward off evil spirits and any who try to stop you from achieving your goals - illegal or otherwise.

15. Cone of Incense
A small, scented cone is enough to ward off the interference of dogs, hounds, and wolves from one’s operations.

16. Dull Knife
Carrying a dull knife on one’s missions is said to reduce the chance of being slain and instead will ensure the thief is captured should they fail to escape so they might live another day.

17. Gold Tooth
Wearing a gold tooth in one’s mouth or carrying one in a pocket is enough to increase the amount of coinage retrieved from a fence after selling stolen goods.

18. Love Letter
Bringing a signed confession of love will ward off any envious or jealous ghosts that one might encounter on a heist or burglary.

19. Double-Headed Coin
Carrying such a coin is enough to ensure that should a thief make a gamble, it will always pay off.

20. Rabbit’s Foot
A simple charm, but a popular one that is said to boost one’s luck in general. It is said to amplify the power of any other charms the rogue brings with them.
 

AsenRG

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HISTORIES

RULERS

ResultRuler Table 1
1He flung himself at the feet of his adoptive mother, promising to be her slave. Old, weak, stupid and gullible, with no one to advise her, she was easily persuaded.
2He found himself the rallying-point of all his mother's enemies, including many of the old guard.
3His triumph had brought out a degree of brutality that none had suspected. He now set about eliminating everyone who stood between himself and the throne.
4The two had also been firm personal friends, no small consideration where ruling monarchs are concerned.
5He showed every prospect of proving himself, in the fullness of time, as great a ruler as his father.
6A sad and sickly young man, probably consumptive...
7...the furious old lady received with the greatest possible reluctance the crown.
8Horrified at the prospect of a marriage to a man nearly twice her age, she decided on a desperate course of action.
9Entirely illiterate, he could boast only two obvious assets: herculean physical strength and a remarkable way with horses.
10He was spending more of his time with monks than with ministers, gradually losing his grip on the state as he sank into morbid religiosity.
11Presumably to protect the interests of his elder, legitimate, sons he had had him castrated in infancy.
12Everywhere he set himself up as a champion of the poor, of all those oppressed by high taxation and the corruption of officials.
13This may have been due to his rapidly-growing insanity.
14He therefore had no objection to leaving affairs of state to his sister, long after he had reached the age when he should have taken them over himself.
15Tall and haggard, his features clouded by constant pain after a lifetime of exaggerated austerities, he was consumed by a blazing zeal.
16With advancing age he was becoming ever more convinced of a divine dispensation that singled him out from his fellow-men.
17At the time of his accession his wife had borne him at least six children, and before her death she was to present him with two more.
18Weak-willed and easily led, he was a natural puppet who could be manipulated by anyone who seized the strings.
19He showed all the makings of a capable ruler. Unfortunately he had inherited that streak of insanity that had clouded the last years of his father's life.
20Her unpopularity increased sharply after the murder of her son, and she now attempted to redeem it by granting enormous remissions of taxes.
21His immediate predecessors had been sensualists and sybarites, happier by far to recline in their palaces, surrounded by women and eunuchs.
22His reign began with perfidy and bloodshed; its close was also clouded by the imprisonment and garrotting of a famous philosopher.
23He took much pleasure in rubbing his decaying teeth, putting new ones in the place of those that had fallen out through old age.
24Among his many unattractive habits was that of surrounding himself with favourites and cronies who would accompany him in wild roisterings through the capital.
25Uncouth, almost illiterate and possessed of a quite uncontrollable temper...
26In war, he had been merciless and brutal; with the coming of peace he proved moderate and understanding.
27For some time he had been conscious of his father's growing jealousy – jealousy aroused by his popularity with the army and citizenry.
28Now about thirty-six, fair-haired and broad-chested, he must have appeared something of a demi-god when he stepped out of the palace, his young wife on his arm.
29For the three younger sons he cared little, and his second he loathed, but his eldest was the only human being, perhaps, whom he ever really loved.
30His only son had predeceased him, worn out by homosexual excesses and venereal disease.
31...not only a foreigner but a heathen, who had killed his own brother and who already boasted at least four wives and 800 concubines.
32He was unfailingly courteous to everyone and was never known to lose his temper.
33He scarcely seemed to have noticed the decline, imitating rather than restraining his wife's wild prodigality.
34She was said to flaunt her depravity by wearing a fringe low over the forehead, the trademark of a courtesan.
35He passed his entire life at play or the chase, and contracted several habits of pronounced viciousness.
36A supreme strategist and a superb commander; there was only one quality that he lacked: the ability to inspire the loyalty of his subordinates.
37He had no military or even administrative experience; but he was intelligent, serious-minded and a hard worker, and his loyalty had never been in question.
38He sold government offices like vegetables in a market.
39Many believed him to be a great man; few would have called him a lovable one.
40He displayed embarrassing signs of falling in love with his half-sister.
41An elderly nephew of the former ruler, he had done his best to hide when the mob began calling his name.
42...made no objection to his continued association with his second wife's niece, a lady of unusual charm who had uncomplainingly shared her lover's exile.
43... a miserable childhood: a father dead, a mother reviled as a concubine and twice exiled, he himself facing constant accusations of bastardy.
44...ascetic and celibate, to whom food and drink were of little interest and creature comforts of none...
45He was already in a state of grave religious uncertainty. No man, in short, was readier for conversion.
46His energy, too, astonished all who knew him, while his capacity for hard work was apparently without limit.
47His immense efforts to reform the administration and to purge it of corruption were repeatedly sabotaged by his own extravagance.
48She was a deeply selfish woman and a pragmatist. They detested their her, but they never questioned her fundamental right to occupy the throne.
49Of her nine children, four had died in infancy, one had a twisted neck and another was deaf and dumb.
50He proved a hopeless hedonist who, in his serious moments, seemed interested only in reviving the old theological disputes.
51Though he had received little formal schooling, a lively intellectual curiosity had given him a modicum of culture.
52A few days later on fuel was added to the flames when he excluded his wife from his coronation.
53A huge and hideous eunuch never seen without a whip in his hand...
54He was accustomed to spend the greater part of the day in bed. Whenever the sun appeared he would seek the darkness, like a wild beast.
55Finding that his affection was not reciprocated, he became suspicious, jealous and at last openly hostile.
56There she remained for the next seven years, constantly intriguing against her husband.
57Few doubted that she was capable of such a crime; but it is hard indeed to see how her position might have been improved by widowhood, self-inflicted or not.
58In physical strength he so surpassed his contemporaries as to fill them with terror.
59As she reached maturity she became a harlot. Never was any woman so completely abandoned to pleasure.
60Her father had been a bear-keeper, her mother an acrobat – antecedents more than enough to debar her from polite society.
61At twenty-eight she was still as beautiful as ever; her embraces cannot have been altogether distasteful.
62...took no interest in power, preferring to lead the life of a gentleman-scholar in one of his innumerable villas.
63He had inspired his subjects with the morale to withstand five years of siege by a power hitherto considered irresistible.
64He finally decided to send his mother, together with his unmarried sisters, to a convent.
65...the initial trickle of footloose younger sons in search of wealth and adventure rapidly grew to the point where it became a steady immigration.
66He cared now only for the state of his Church and for the endless theological disputations in which he found both stimulus and relaxation.
67At the age of fifteen he took a mistress, but his mother forced him to cast her aside.
68He was a man of total moral integrity, intelligent but narrow-minded, incorruptible, impervious to flattery and hard as nails; but he could also be pitiless and cruel.
69Of his four younger brothers, the two eldest were eunuchs like himself; the youngest, outstandingly handsome though unfortunately epileptic...
70...until a hideous wound in the face put an end to his military career.
71This rectitude did not, however, prevent him from putting aside his first wife in order to make an infinitely more distinguished alliance.
72His eleven-year-old bride had turned into a formidably ambitious woman, and relations between the two had long been tense.
73When he was sixteen he had been married off against his will to an ill-favoured girl of asphyxiating piety.
74He was lazy and pleasure-loving, with little of his father's intelligence and finesse.
75The tragedy was that as he eliminated corruption from the government, so he himself grew more and more corrupt.
76She herself was strong and determined, with a love of power for its own sake; she was also excessively pious.
77He was weak and irresponsible, and the effective power soon passed into the hands of his uncle.
78...in appearance, little short of grotesque; bandy-legged and pot-bellied, with a ferocious squint...
79Those whom he believed to possess hidden riches he subjected to imprisonment, flogging or even torture.
80A vulgar illiterate who had been neither educated in the palace nor initiated in the proper traditions...
81...Immersed in sensuality and the most frivolous pleasures
82The violence of his nature has been attributed to the mutilation that he had suffered and the hideous face which he was thenceforth obliged to present.
83His peers were as irritated by his arrogance as they had been revolted by his cruelty.
84He was short and squat, with broad shoulders and barrel chest; his face swarthy and weather-beaten with small, dark eyes under heavy brows.
85He was almost too holy, living on a diet of berries and water, wearing the same filthy robe until it disintegrated, sleeping on the bare earth.
86...transforming him into a monster whose only attributes were a pathological suspicion of all around him and an insatiable lust for blood.
87He was a compulsive liar and inveterate schemer.
88She saw her chance and proposed a joint monarchy. He would enjoy all the pleasures and privileges of kingship, while she took over the regulation of affairs.
89He was always ready to sell justice for gain and every day, as a rule, he would repeal certain laws and propose others.
90It was only to be expected, in view of his character, manners and appearance, that he should have been incapable of maintaining the affections of his subjects.
91He emerges from the chronicles as an able yet somewhat sinister figure. Highly intelligent and energetic, he was also greedy, self-seeking and cruel.
92A more unsatisfactory consort for a lusty young prince could hardly be imagined.
93His only interest seems to have been the raising of poultry.
94By his early twenties he was already a seasoned campaigner, and his physical courage in the field was never in question. What he lacked was will.
95Although he had had little formal education, he learned fast. Within months of his assumption of power he was ruling with a sure and steady hand.
96...carousing with his cronies, cavorting with his concubines, watching obscene performances in his private theatre and avoiding whenever possible the affairs of state.
97His popularity was greater than it had ever been, his supremacy undisputed. The future was his. And he threw it away.
98A woman of immense build, she hardly ever left her husband's side least of all in battle, one of her favourite occupations.
99Her indecent advances were received, however, with coldness and disdain.
100...nightly to the corner of the palace where, among other less reprehensible occupations, the two of them cold-bloodedly planned her husband's murder.
What do you say if you notice that you can put names to many of these guys:grin:? Maybe "I need to lay off the history books"?
I think I'll settle on "I need to read more history books until I can put names on the others":thumbsup:.
 

TristramEvans

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D20 Weapon Enchantments

1. Translucency

The weapon is rendered either mostly transparent or entirely invisible. Oftentimes, the effect wanes during the day and replenishes at night. Can sometimes only influence certain parts of the weapon, such as the blade or the spear-shaft.

2. Featherweight
Anything enchanted with this weighs a fraction of its normal weight, varying from negative - tends to float away if not tethered down - to faintly light, as if it were hollow.

3. Crying
The weapon cries when unsheathed or unwrapped. Sometimes includes tears. On occasion, only cries when near certain monsters or geological features such as rivers or bottomless pits.

4. Morphic

The weapon changes shape under certain conditions. Most often seen as a blade that grows longer or shorter between dusk and dawn.

5. Amnesiac
The wielder of the weapon has a difficult time recalling past events. Can often be beneficial for those suffering under trauma, but the intensity of the enchantment can sometimes render a person entirely non-functioning.

6. Unhealing
Anyone struck by a weapon with this enchantment finds that the wounds are more difficult to heal, sometimes impossible without the use of healing magics. Occasionally causes the wielder to experience the same effect, when injured.

7. Sworn to Lies & Truth
A powerful ceremonial enchantment. When drawn, may compel those who see it to either speak only the truth, or only to speak falsehoods. Oftentimes subtly alters the behavior of the wielder to lean towards one or the other as well.

8. Deafening
When a weapon with this enchantment strikes a hard surface such as rock or metal, the sound is loud enough to deafen anyone in the nearby vicinity. Useless on bows, but coveted on arrows.

9. Oozening
Any living creature slain by this weapon is melted down into a colorful, gelatinous ooze pile. When particularly strong, injuries sustained by these weapons leak ooze rather than blood.

10. Mind-Whisper
The wielder of a weapon with this enchantment can hear the thoughts of nearby creatures - in the form of hushed whispering and murmurs. Unless the thinker is focusing on one thought intensely these words are unintelligible, which can be a maddening experience.

11. Natureshaping
Any weapon with this enchantment may be thrust into fertile soil. Over the next few hours, a plant of some variety will grow around the weapon. Once fully mature at the end of this period, the weapon can often be removed without harming the plant.

Common plants
1. Hemlock
2. Holly
3. Rose
4. Giant Scaly Pholiota
5. Spruce
6. Soaptree Yucca

12. Animalism
Anything inflicted with this enchantment can, on the utterance of a Word of Power, transform into an animal or transform back into a weapon.

Common Animals
1. Raven
2. Rat
3. Falcon
4. Rabbit
5. Coyote
6. Snake

13. Thief's Light
This particularly sought-after enchantment emits a pale blue light that only the wielder can see. On occasion is reversed - emits a dull red light that only those other than the wielder can see.

14. Darkness

A weapon with this enchantment causes light sources nearby to dwindle. Over the course of a few minutes, all non-magical fires will slowly grow weaker until they eventually extinguish.

15. Inscribing
Marks etched or traced with this weapon will glow a faint green for a week.

16. Hunter

This ill-omen of an enchantment causes the weapon, once it has tasted blood, to pull towards the creature it injured until either they are dead or it has sampled another's life-essence.

17. Dreamer
The bearer of a weapon with this enchantment will find themselves perfectly lucid in their dreams and nightmares. Those effected by this ensorcellment will need either twice or half as much sleep to become rested.

18. Muffled
Any weapon with this enchantment will never produce noise, regardless of what it strikes.

19. Dispelling
The mere presence of a weapon with this enchantment will cause extraplanar beings to feel uneasy, or even sick until they return to their native plane of existence.

20. Growth and Decay
This enchantment will alternate between causing nearby living things to wax and wane. During the day, plants will wither and the infirm will sink closer to death's door. At night, this is reversed.
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TristramEvans

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d100 Minor Magical Items


  1. Wooden Spoon. Carved with rune for "food". When tapped on an inert organic or semi-organic material (wood, dirt) it turns that stuff into edible foodstuffs, although it will be mushy and unpalatable.
  2. Amulet of Hope. Shines as bright as a candle, but only when there are no other light sources. Light points back towards dungeon entrance, vaguely. Hums reassuringly when clutched, and warms your hand.
  3. Orphan's Top. Cannot be spun if there are any invisible undead nearby.
  4. Ring of the Adventurous Limb. If worn on a hand, the entire arm will vanish. It will return after 24 hours have elapsed. Roll a d10: 1 - tattoo on arm, 2 - arm injured, 3 - gained a ring, probably a wedding ring, 4 - ring missing, 5-10 - nothing special. It will have a similar effect on legs.
  5. Dust of De-Appearance. Can make things invisible, but wears off if the object moves, is moved, or even wiggles a bit. Best used on inanimate objects or people who can hold really, really, still.
  6. Paired Scrolls. Whatever is written on one appears on the other. Give players a 3"x5" card to write on, to limit how much they can write.
  7. Statuette of Baal. Can be "fed" gold to grow larger, adding to its. Starts out the size of a gold coin. Becomes more complex as it grows larger, adds features and companions. If grown to the size of 100,000 gp, golden tablet reveals great secret. (Does not create or destroy gold, just absorbs it.) If grown to 1,000,000 gp, it will come alive and try to take over the world.
  8. Book of Epic Boredom. When reading, save vs sleep.
  9. Black Cigarette. When smoked, it creates a huge cloud of smoke and allows the smoker to see through smoke and fog. Can be smoked for 5 minutes (or 5 one-minute segments).
  10. Colorthief's Brush. This paintbrush has a needle on the back. If you prick something, you steal all the color from it, but can later paint with those same brilliant colors (stored in the brush, controlled by imagination). If a book is pricked, it will steal the words. The book can then be reconstructed, but it takes a few days of writing for it to be recovered.
  11. Sleeping Draught. Sleep TWICE AS HARD for four hours. You get a full night's rest, but cannot be woken up. Unwilling targets get a save.
  12. Love Potion.
  13. Exploserous Carnelian. When activated, begins to glow hotter and hotter. Explodes like a stick of dynamite after 1d2+2 rounds.
  14. Mighty Acorn. When thrown on the ground, immediately grows into a 20' oak.
  15. Mechanical Torchbearer. Follows the associated amulet, or whoever is wearing it. Can hold 6 torches, and relight a new one as the old one burns out. Looks like a mechanical spider, 5' in diameter.
  16. Penguin tokens (1d6). Summons an 80 lb emperor penguin. On land, cannot do anything except waddle to where you direct. In water, can attack as a 1 HD creature. Is destroyed/killed if it takes any damage. Reverts to a small (1") wooden token after 1 minute.
  17. Saint's Bones. About the size of a cigar box. Contains mandible + some carpals. Will rattle ominously when a lie is uttered nearby.
  18. Amber Comb. Any lightning attack within 10' is diverted to the comb instead. If the comb takes 6 or more damage (it is not immune to lightning), it shatters.
  19. Chewed Bone. When chewed, it fills the air with the smell of delicious fresh meat. This is strong enough to mask other odors.
  20. Bottle of Light. When swung overhead (a small chain is attached for this purpose) the bottle absorbs ambient light. Later, the bottle can be unstoppered to allow the light back out again. Can hold up to 5 rounds of light. Special properties of light are preserved: moonlight can induce lycanthropy, for example.
  21. Silver silk handkerchief. 3' on a side. On the command word, it becomes as hard as thick steel. A second command word reverts.
  22. Silver silk rope. As above, except a rope. 25'.
  23. Goggles of the Clown. When worn, everything looks like a clown, and speaks in a mocking, clowning voice. It is very difficult to tell people apart. You can barely tell a knight apart from his horse (which appears as a four-legged clown). In combat, you must make a Wisdom check every round or lose track of which clown is which. On the upside, you are immune to the beauty of nymphs and the ugliness of catoblepas.
  24. Vial of Nightshade. When drunk, it puts the body into a deep coma and ejects the spirit. You can now roam around, incorporeal, until you return to your body. There is a 1-in-6 chance each hour that some mishap befalls you (body possessed by outsider, soul lost forever, etc). Coma lasts for 1d3 days.
  25. Grinning Amulet. Anyone who laughs--even a snicker--near this amulet must make a save or laugh uncontrollably for the next minute. Careful, it's contagious--if a player laughs during this, so does their character.
  26. Trollwax. Tacky and unpalatable. Anything that tastes it must succeed on a check, or be so disgusted that it cannot taste it again. (Takes a week to fully leave the tongue.)
  27. Cheater's Coin. When flipped, it will give whatever result the owner wishes. This is not limited to heads/tails--it can also give results of king, dragon, treasury, pilgrims, etc.
  28. Boots of Independence. When you remove these boots and fail to restrain them (put them in a pack, etc) they will walk back the way they came, all the way back to where you first put them on, with more-or-less the same cadence and sounds. If you walked in a loop somewhere along the line, the boots will get stuck in the loop and repeat.
  29. Tiny tree. Produces three fat apples every day (enough to feed 1 person). Must be watered with 1 cup of blood each day, or it will die. If dead, can be revived with water. Probably found dead/in a chest.
  30. Skeleton gourd. This gourd has a peephole. Anyone holding the gourd up to their face and looking into the peephole will be paralyzed while their brain is filled with visions of dancing skeletons.
  31. Ring of Petrification. Putting this ring on will turn a person to stone, except for the ring. Someone else can remove the ring, and thereby return them to flesh.
  32. Party Book. This book creates audible illusions imitating a party. The state of the party depends on the page the book is opened to. If the book is turned to page 1, you'll hear a couple people setting up silverware. Middle of the book, raucous carousing. Near the end, mostly snores and a few people taking shots.
  33. Quiet Bell. This 2" tall silver bell prevents all sound within 1'.
  34. Palette of All Colors. Contains 7 mundane palettes (ROYGBIV) and 1 color that is invisible to humans. If the invisible color is painted on a wall, it allows people to see through it. Can paint up to a 3' diameter spot, or 10 3" peepholes. Penetrates no more than 6". Getting it on someone's face blinds them.
  35. Slimming Cone. When touched to a creature, it instantly and harmless sucks out all the excess fat from them, ejecting it onto the floor in a big mass.
  36. Grass Whistle. When blown, roll for a random encounter. If the location has no encounter table (some cities, maybe), the PCs will meet someone interesting who wants something.
  37. Naiad-hair Ring. 50% cursed. When worn, PC treats all water as if it had the consistency of a gas. (Don't fall off a boat.) Water is still unbreathable.
  38. Ring of Swimming. Wearer treats air as if it had the consistency of water. You can "fly" by swimming through the air, but the air is too thick to breath. Other water penalties also apply.
  39. Belt of Cat Imprisonment. When laid on the ground, felines are compelled to sit in the center of it. As charm.
  40. Endless Boots. Cannot stop walking. Will never tire from walking. Cannot run. Walk walk walk.
  41. Spike of Woodland Suicides. Sort of like a hunter's trap. When left in the woods, wild animals will come and impale themselves on it. A verdant forest yield 1d10 rations worth per day, but must be moved daily. Fey will fucking hate you, though.
  42. Salt Block. Any food you carry will never spoil. Doesn't have to be on your person. Applies to a captain and his ship's cargo, for example.
  43. Log of Alarum. This 300 lb log protects those who sleep with their heads against it. If they would be attacked in their sleep, the log has a 90% chance of waking them up (by making bird song).
  44. Demonic Muffin. When eaten, reverses your gravity for 1d6 minutes.
  45. Everice. Never melts.
  46. Chest of the Mundane. Anything placed inside it is covered with an illusion that makes it look worthless and boring. Currently holding 3 peridots worth 10gp each.
  47. Boots of Devouring. Cursed. As soon as you put one on your foot it starts fucking eating you like a garbage disposal. Feeding it lots of booze causes it to vomit out everything in its stomache (which may include some treasure).
  48. Fox-in-a-Bag. Sleeps all the time. As soon as it touches the ground, it will run around like crazy. Dex 18, AC as plate because of high Dexterity + foxy nature. If you pick it up (good luck) it will fall back asleep.
  49. Feather of Bravado. When placed in a hat, it points in the direction of the nearest deadly foe capable of killing the PCs. When placed in the bottom of one's shoe, allows them to run slightly faster.
  50. Gossip Cookies. Each one contains either a random rumor from the most relevant rumor table or "You will be killed by [random monster from most relevant random encounter table]". 50% chance of each.
  51. A small silver figurine that, when given away, will return to your pocket after 1d6 minutes. The only way to permanently get rid of it is for the recipient to similarly give it away before the 1d6 minutes expire. (Alternatively, the original owner could die.) Yes, this is great for scamming people. Apparent value: 1d100 silver.
  52. A rock that, when thrown, always hits its target. Always. Cannot do anything that you couldn't conceivably do with a really lucky throw.
  53. A saddle that turns any animal into a horse when it is strapped on. The horse cannot remove the saddle on its own. Currently owned by a bounty hunter who is fond of riding his bounties back to town.
  54. A key that can unlock any door, but cannot be removed from the mechanism until the door is relocked.
  55. A mug that points the way to the nearest tavern when it is balanced on its edge.
  56. An egg cup that can hatch any egg that is placed atop it.
  57. A ring that gives the wearer a magnificent mustache/beard, depending on which finger it is worn on. The left ring finger, for example, always yields a Van Dyke.
  58. A ring that makes your eyeball pop out. This is not a problem, and you can continue to see through the eye just fine, like a spy-eye. Reversible if the ring is removed.
  59. A ring that makes you invisible, but not your equipment or clothing.
  60. An umbrella that allows you float downwards at 60'/round when open, negating fall damage.
  61. Chicken Arrows (1d6). On a hit, target must save vs fear (first arrow only). If sat upon like an egg, quickly turns into an adult chicken. Fletched with white feathers.
  62. Bag of Infinite Manure. Useful for campfires.
  63. Wand of Necromantic Cooking. Can enchant a corpse or cut of meat to cut, prepare, marinate, and cook itself. A slaughtered pig will seek out gravy to roll around in. Sausages will jump into the saucepan, and then seek out your plate when cooked.
  64. Omnidress. Can turn into any type of dress (can even imitate leather armor, but not metal).
  65. Indelible Pen. Can write on anything. Writing is permanent. Works 1d6 times.
  66. Ring that makes the wearer appear to be dead and rotten.
  67. Scones (1d6). When broken in half, it erupts into 1d100 scones (10 scones = food for a day). Alternatively, it can be eaten to restore 1d6 HP.
  68. Wooden hand. 1/day, can turn into a living-but-disembodied hand for 1 hour. Will obey your commands for the duration. Str 1, can climb most walls. Int 6, can see normally, but cannot speak.
  69. Locket. Woman's face inside the amulet always looks towards Meltheria.
  70. Box of paired snails. When one snail dies, so does its mate. Normally used to send very crude, binary messages. There are 1d6 pairs of snails. Feed them leaves.
  71. Hungry coin. Cursed. Will attempt to eat other coins that it comes into contact with. Eats 100 coins an hour.
  72. Armor of Glamour. Looks like a fancy dinner suit. Is actually a suit of plate mail.
  73. Ring of Good Omen. The first time you fail a save against a curse or other magic, the ring breaks and you instead make your save.
  74. Prayer of the Seal. When this sheet of paper is attached to a door or portal, it become locked (until the paper is removed or destroyed.)
  75. Boots of the Aristocrat. When you click them together, your clothes become clean, your skin becomes perfumed, and your hair is styled.
  76. Cursed matches (1d6). When lit, the match does not ignite. Instead, whatever the PC is looking at catches fire. (Tiny match-sized fire. Does no damage unless allowed to progress.)
  77. Preservative jar. Anything placed in this jar enters stasis. Cannot hold anything bigger than a toad. Currently holds a toad.
  78. Library Box. When a non-magical book is placed inside it, another of the same type will be found there the next day.
  79. Monocle of Entropy. If you stare at something long enough, it will fall over. 1 round for a candlestick, 1 minute for a sleeping cow, 1 hour for a small tree, 1 day for a cottage or large tree, 1 week for a castle. Must be within 100'.
  80. Girdle of Masculinity/Femininity. Non-cursed because that's way more fun.
  81. Stick of the Titan. Hits for 2d8, then breaks.
  82. Singing frog. Knows 1d6 songs. Good for a free round of drinks in pretty much any bar you walk in to, with only a 20% chance that someone will try to steal it from you at the end of the night.
  83. Perpetual motion machine. Utterly unremarkable in a world filled with magic, but still cool.
  84. Seed of Moon Ice. If dropped in a body of water, will "freeze" an area up to 20' diameter. If swallowed, you die. If touched, save or die. Leaves awesomely frozen corpses that are not cold to the touch and never thaw.
  85. Small broom. When activated, will attempt to clean the dirtiest thing nearby.
  86. Black cat, winged. When you tap it on the nose, it enters stasis. (This is why you found it in a treasure chest.)
  87. Blindfold of the Spirits. When worn, you can attack incorporeal things as if they weren't. Also, you're blind.
  88. Night's Black Windchimes. 25% chance of alerting you when you would be attacked during the night. If one of the 1d6+1 chimes is broken in half, a refreshing (but also quite cold) breeze blows through the area.
  89. Dust of Vermicide. When thrown, does 1 damage to everything in a 5' diameter area. Alternatively, does 2d6 damage against a swarm.
  90. Sovereign Glue.
  91. Universal Solvent.
  92. Goblin cloak. Invisible while in shadowy areas, but stinks like a mound of goblin shit.
  93. Miser's Flute. When played, all unsecured coins in 20' will leap up and roll after you. They will follow you as long as you play, and as fast as normal running speed. Uphill is fine, stairs are not.
  94. Donkey Legs. These wooden donkey legs can be attached to anything (but are not strong enough to carry literally anything). Once attached, the thing will follow you around like a loyal donkey. For example, you can attach them to a heavy statue and then have it walk itself out of the dungeon. Donkey legs are as strong as two donkeys!
  95. Giant's Ochre. Anything painted with this pigment will double in size. Washes off easily with water or sweat. (If you paint yourself, it'll wash off after 1d6 rounds of sweaty combat).
  96. Mask of the Jester. Anyone seeing it for the first time must save vs charm or be compelled to attack the wearer.
  97. Eye of Zin. If this jewel is pressed into the forehead, the wearer's eyes turn jet black, they gain darkvision, and they are blinded by even small amounts of light (a nearby torch will blind them, for example).
  98. Metal Eye Mask. Wearing this mask obscures you normal vision, but allows you to see from above, sort of like an orbital satellite's view. At sea level, you can see an area 200' in diameter, centered on the mask.
  99. Pink Bead. When smashed on the ground, immediately turns into a huge mountain of fluffy bubbles, similar in consistency to a mass of fused marshmallows. Can cushion a fall or block a hallway or something. 10' in diameter, can be cut through with 6 slashing attacks, lasts 1d6 minutes.
  100. Animate rope with the personality of a loyal dog. 50'. Must be taught knots the way a dog must be taught tricks.
 

TristramEvans

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WE PRESS ON DEEPER…
When your players insist that they want to delve deeper than the dungeon they have reached the bottom of, there will be one or two passages they can follow. Here’s what they find when they descend:

Draw a card. The value represents the nature of the section. The suit represents the threat and obstacle.

  • A – PALLID PAMPAS-GRASS CAVERNS – the head-height grass covers the floor of the cavern; it takes effort to push through and is very difficult to do at speed without passing passive STR checks
  • K – TRYPOPHOBIC SINKHOLES – the surfaces of these caverns are split with holes of various size and depth; sometimes these sinkholes lead to lower caverns, though often there will be something aggressive hidden within
  • Q – GARGANTUAN BADGER SETT – the walls have definitely been carved out by the claws of an enormous beast; passages turn and jut at strange angles and often end abruptly
  • J – DOLERITE SPUR NETWORK – much of these caverns are open expanses, pierced with thick trunks of igneos rock; the surfaces are smooth but not slippery, however moving between spurs unaided requires passive DEX checks to avoid falling
  • 10 – FOSSILWOOD CLADDING – the surfaces here are paved and the network appears to have been constructed; the walls are clad in wood panelling that has fossilised over time; some of the surfaces depict unknowable things
  • 9 – SKELETAL CATHEDRAL – the earth is held back by the enormous ribs of an animal that has long since rotted away; some of the bones are broken and it seems that you can follow the passage afforded by their being empty of marrow
  • 8 – DEEPWEAVE FABRIC – the walls of this area appear to be a fine weave of a fabric you cannot quite identify; if the walls are cut into, the fabric continues to significant depth
  • 7 – DESSICATED LYMPH – the veins through the rock here seem to retain traces of organic matter, but the lymph has long dried away; the passages bulge and narrow at seeming random
  • 6 – KERATIN CANYON – the sheer surfaces of the canyons here thrust high with the fibrous rigidity of nail and hair; sometimes a successful passive INT check will reveal weak-points in the growth
  • 5 – FOLDS OF LEATHER – observed from a distance, the deep valleys in this section seem to take on the appearance of cracks in leather; up close, the rough surfaces of the valley walls are difficult to classify
  • 4 – STONEPULP HONEYCOMB – the haphazard construction in this section show unmistakable signs of having been chewed and spat out, like the paper of a wasps’ nest
  • 3 – SUBMERGED SPIRALS – the interlocking shells in this section split out from each other at all angles; a third of all areas are flooded with a translucent milky fluid
  • 2 – CARDED ALLOYWOOL – the surfaces in this section are covered in fibers of metal loosely twisted together, giving to pressure but impossible to part; progressing through these floors require passive CON checks to avoid becoming fatigued
The suit of the card drawn will represent the potential threat in this area:

♠ – hostile native fauna: perhaps of animal intelligence, perhaps monstrous humanoids

♥ – toxic environment: perhaps poisonous gas, perhaps sharding surfaces

♣ – physical obstruction: perhaps natural cave-ins, perhaps extreme distances

♦ – being hunted: perhaps intelligent pursuant, perhaps natural predation

Going yet further underground its been reported that some of these section appearances can become combined.
 

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The Dangerous Thing, d100:
  1. Priests or prayers.
  2. Potions or chemists.
  3. Laws or rules.
  4. Nets or hoarders.
  5. Cleaners or doctors.
  6. Candles or lightkeepers.
  7. Sages or seers.
  8. Explorers or mapmakers.
  9. Empaths or mind readers.
  10. Birds or clouds.
  11. Climbers or spelunkers.
  12. Environmental suits or equipment.
  13. The dead or corpses.
  14. Fog or spirits.
  15. Robes or costumes.
  16. Elementals or golems.
  17. Sailors or musicians.
  18. Swift or sturdy beasts.
  19. Monks or martial artists.
  20. The weather or climate.
  21. Jellies or slimes.
  22. Beetles or spiders.
  23. Rats or vermin.
  24. Beggars or paupers.
  25. Tricksters or jesters.
  26. Disguisers or hiders.
  27. Slugs or jellyfish.
  28. Lizards or crocodiles.
  29. Pools or windows.
  30. Farmers or alchemists.
  31. Thieves or robbers.
  32. Crabs or turtles.
  33. Psychics or dreamers.
  34. Philosophers or thinkers.
  35. Surgeons or sacrificers.
  36. Wolves or dogs.
  37. Cannibals or cultists.
  38. Capturers or cataloguers.
  39. Mirrors or mist.
  40. Gems or money.
  41. Curses or oaths.
  42. Snakes or snails.
  43. Fish or water.
  44. Sewage or toxicity.
  45. Acid or fire.
  46. Guards or armsmen.
  47. Workers or craftsmen.
  48. Prisoners or captives.
  49. Judges or hammers.
  50. Cats or clawed things.
  51. Eyeballs or mouths.
  52. Shamen or wildmen.
  53. Obelisks or statues.
  54. Giants or cyclops.
  55. Vines or vegetation.
  56. Butchers or mincers.
  57. Ferals or savages.
  58. Tranquility or peace.
  59. Butterflies or illusions.
  60. Visions or hallucinations
  61. Explosions or bombs.
  62. Pyromancers or pyromaniacs.
  63. Wizards or weirdlings.
  64. Druids or gardeners.
  65. Pilferers or miners.
  66. Octopi or amphibians.
  67. Prophets or divinators.
  68. Knights or gladiators.
  69. Swashbucklers or neerdowells.
  70. Dust heads or addicts.
  71. Contraptions or devices.
  72. Trainers or slavers.
  73. Behemoths or terrors.
  74. Desires or vices.
  75. Mushrooms or moulds.
  76. Trees or flowers.
  77. Locks or chains.
  78. Princelings or nobles.
  79. Dervishes or fanatics.
  80. Thugs or gangsters.
  81. Crystals or shards.
  82. Bats or bloodsuckers.
  83. Rocks or boulders.
  84. Mud or sludge.
  85. Historians or scholars.
  86. Hands or feet.
  87. Worms or dung.
  88. Chains or cages.
  89. Munitions or weaponry.
  90. Armour or heraldry.
  91. Bones or skeletons.
  92. Plagues or diseases.
  93. Warplings or mutants.
  94. Shadows or sneaks.
  95. Assassins or bounty hunters.
  96. Relics or shrines.
  97. Torturers or mutilators.
  98. Vandals or wreckers.
  99. Peddlers or merchants.
  100. Lostlings or souless.
 

TristramEvans

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What the Thing does, d100:
  1. Must give something to victim.
  2. Protects the oppressed, as they see it.
  3. Military minded, must control and dominate.
  4. Needs to include victim in creation of craft.
  5. Infects victim with unhealthy euphoria.
  6. Floats and flies, besetting victim.
  7. Ever replicates self.
  8. Aloof in infliction of suffering.
  9. Predicts a bad, true future for victim.
  10. Thinks victims are not real.
  11. Must empty and hollow victim.
  12. Must store or hide something in victim.
  13. Forces victim to join cause.
  14. Must insult victim.
  15. Haunts and hides from victim, causing ongoing annoyance and pain.
  16. Voice is heard in victim’s mind.
  17. Worshiped and venerated Deity requires victims.
  18. Must use victim as a home.
  19. Must make a copy of victim.
  20. Increases speed of victim.
  21. Shrinks victim in some manner.
  22. Needs victim to repair self.
  23. Must hide from victim for some nefarious reason.
  24. Must spread the disease they are infected with.
  25. Must destroy the spirit of victim.
  26. Must use victims to resurrect something or someone.
  27. Wants to ride victim.
  28. Touch corrode, corrupts or destroys victim.
  29. Is the slave or servant of a nefarious higher power.
  30. Needs victims to create new lifeforms.
  31. Wants victim’s money.
  32. Wants victim’s possessions.
  33. Needs to make gems out of victim.
  34. Must document the pain of victim.
  35. Must test theory on victim.
  36. Requires the flesh and blood of victim.
  37. Must copy actions of victim.
  38. Needs victims to create more wealth for self.
  39. Needs victims as sacrifice.
  40. Must stop victim.
  41. Has some grudge or oath against victim.
  42. Needs to make victim wet and rotted.
  43. Must judge victim in the harshest terms.
  44. Makes victim disappear over time.
  45. Is morally superior to victim.
  46. Must retrain or cage victim.
  47. Must clean or organise victim.
  48. Must acidify victim.
  49. Must enslave victim.
  50. Needs to help victim against their will for their own good.
  51. Must harvest victim.
  52. Must keep territory clear and clean of interlopers.
  53. Cannot comprehend the sheer existence of victim.
  54. Believes victims to be base savages.
  55. Must consume victim.
  56. Infects victim with utter calm.
  57. Is annoyingly/disturbingly passive.
  58. Victims are always trespassing.
  59. Victim is delicious.
  60. Must mutate victim.
  61. Must burn victim.
  62. Must explode victim.
  63. Touch melts victim.
  64. Puts victim into total disarray
  65. Must ruin victim.
  66. Must self destruct near victim.
  67. Is controlled externally to detriment of victim.
  68. Must install extra parts onto victim.
  69. Is convinced the apocalypse is here.
  70. Needs the limbs of victim.
  71. Must increase size of victim.
  72. Is a dangerous horde.
  73. Is dangerous in size.
  74. Must seduce victim.
  75. Are an affront to victim.
  76. Must mock and taunt victim.
  77. Infects victim with stupefying pleasure.
  78. Wants victim to be one of them.
  79. Wants to make victim into tool of work.
  80. Is wild, mad, or intoxicated.
  81. Knows the secrets of victim.
  82. Is just beneath the surface, causing havoc.
  83. Wants to take victim to deep places.
  84. Is too hard, solid and impassable.
  85. Must implant, seed and grow in victim.
  86. Stops time of victim.
  87. Ages victim.
  88. Warps victim.
  89. Negatively influences victim.
  90. Acquaints victim with stone.
  91. Must cause pain for victim.
  92. Hates everything.
  93. Must harm and crush.
  94. Must cause suffering.
  95. Must torture.
  96. Must steal whatever it can.
  97. Believes victim stole from them.
  98. Must break everything.
  99. Seeks a glorious death with victim.
  100. Cannot die.
 

TristramEvans

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MUTATIONS!!!!!!!!
https://joeskythedungeonbrawler.wordpress.com/2010/02/07/mutations/

MUTATION TABEL (ROLL A 1D100 TO FIND THE ABILITY)

1-02 MORE FEET: TWICE AS MANY FEET AS USUAL. INCREASE MOVEMENT 25%.

03-07 HULKAMANIA: ANGER MAKES YOU VERY STRONG, TURN INTO 18 STRENGTH ONCE A DAY WHEN PISSED (CLOTHES_DESTROYED).

8-10 PLANT PERSON: MAY PLANT A SEED ONCE PER WEEK THAT WILL GROW OVER NIGHT INTO A SMALLER VERSION OF YOU (AC9, HD1-1, MV15, ATTACK WITH DAGGER ONLY). LOYAL LIKE A FAMILIAR, AND IF YOU CAN KEEP THEM ALIVE YOU HAVE A ARMY OF THEM!!!!

11-17 COMPUTER BRAIN: KNOWS 4-24 LANGUAGES, CAN MAP INTUITIVLY, REMEMBER EVERYTHING, BUT IF ASKED ‘WHAT IS LOVE?” IS CONFUSED FOR 1-20 ROUNDS (NO SAVE).

18-23 MIMIC A MIMIC: TRANSFROM IN TO A CHEST AND SURPPRISE ATTACK WITH A PUNCHING FIST. CAN HOLD UP TO 1000 COINS WHILE IN CHEST FORMAT.

24 SPIT ACID BLOOD: RANGE ATTACK OF 20’, BUT LOSING YOUR BLOOD HURTS: TO SPIT A 1D4 DAMAGE LOSE 4HP, A 1D6 DAMAGE LOSE 6HP, A 1D20 DAMAGE HURTS YOU FOR 20HP, ECT… SPITING 1HP OF BLOOD CAN WRECK A LOCK, WEAKEND A PRISON BAR OR CREATE A PEEPHOLE.



25-28 MADE OF GLASS: IMMUNE TO LASERS/ERERGY WEAPONS BUT TAKES TRIPLE DAMAGE FROM HAMMERS AND FALLING.

29-36 ARE WHAT YOU EAT: EATING A ANIMAL OR PERSON TURNS YOU INTO THAT FOR 1D6 DAYS (ALL STATS BECOME THE ANIMAL BUT YOU KEEP YOUR MIND). GOTTA EAT THE WHOLE THING, SO BECOME A DINOSAUR WILL TAKE SEVERLA MEALS.!!!

37-38 CRY RUBIES: CAN MAKE 100-1000GP OF RUBIES A WEEK. ALWAY SHAVE MONEY,BUT IF ANYONE FINDS OUT YOU WILL BE HUNTED FOR SURE.

39-42 SHED SKIN: ONCE A WEEK YOU SHED YOUR HOLE SKIN…… IF SOMEONE ELSE PUTS IT ON THEY LOOK JUST LIKE YOU.

43 WALLCRAWLER: STICKY HANDS AND FEET MEAN YOU CAN SCAMPER UP WALLS, EVEN HOLD ONTO THE CIELING! MUST ROLL UNDER STR ON 3D6 IF YOU WANT TO DROP SOMETHING.

44-49 GELATINOUS DUDE: IMMUNE TO HITTING/STABBING WEAPONS AND CAN SQUEEZE THREW CRACKS.

50-51 SEXYTIME ILLUSHONIST: WITH A MENTAL POWER, CAN LOOK LIKE A SEXY ONE OF OPOSITE SEX TO ANY HUMANOID…….USE FOR TRICKERY, BE CARE NOT TO MAKE THIS MIRAGE LOOK TO LONG OR A PREGNENCY/BUTT DISASTER COULD RESULT!!

51-55 TWO NECKS: TWICE AS HARD TO DECAPATATE.

56-57 LASER TEETH: ATTACK IS A 1D8 BITE OR FLASH AT OPONANT SO THEY SAVE V. PARALYZE OR BLIND FOR 1-4 ROUNDS. MUST NOT EAT REFLECTIVE FOODS!!?

58-61 MULTIPLE EYES: SPREAD ALL AROUND BODY SO ONLY SURPIRSE ON A 1 IN 6. CONSTANTLY DISTRACTEDBY LOVELY MEN/WOMEN IF THEY ARE AROUND!

62 SPIKED BODY: BEAR HUG DOES 2D10 DAMAGE BUT NO ARMOR OR CLOTHES FIT.

63-70 SHELL: CAN WITHDRAW IN A SHELL TO GUARD YOURSELF (AC2 AND -2 TO HIT), BUT ITS LIKE A HERMIT CRAB SO YOU HAVE TO FIND A SHELL YOU FIT INTO AND CAN CARRY ALL AROUND.

71-073 BECOME STEAM: 3 TIMES PER DAY TURN ALL INTO STEAM FOR 6 TURNS. CANT GET HURT,GO THROUGH AIR VENTILATION, FLY/FLOAT ON WIND, INVISIBLE IN HOT SHOWER.

74-77 EVEN MORE FEET: FOUR TIME AS MANY FEET AS USUAL. INCREASE MOVMENT 50%, MUST SPEND 20GP A MONTH ON SHOES+SOCKS.

78-80 LITTLE BUDDY: MAYBE A TINY TWIN GROEWS FROM YOUR STOMACH, OR A STUNTED SIAMESE FROM YOUR SHOULDER, WHATEVER WORKS GOOD. LITTLE BUDDY IS PSCIONIC BUT ONLY HAS 1HP SO BE CAREFUL.

81-85 VERY ROUND: AC IS ONE WORSE BUT +2HP PER HIT DIE. CAN ROLL 24” SPEED DOWNHILL.

86-90THREAT DISPLAY: BIG FRILL OPENS AND EYES BULGE, TONGUE ELONGATES AND WAVES, EARS BLOW STEAM IF ATTCAKED – ATTACKER MUST SAVE VERSUS. SPELLS OR LOSE ATTACK IN FEAR.

90-93 CROSSBOW ARMS: NO HANDS, CROSSBWS INSTEAD (MUST BUY ARROWS). KEEP TRACK OF COMPLICATIONS FORM NOT HAVING ANY HANDS, LIKE EATING, OPEN DOORS, MASSAGES, AND WHATEVER ELSE.

94 HALFMAN/HALFHORSE: RIGHT HALF IS A MAN, LEFT HALF IS A HORSE. PERFECT HORSE DISGISE WHEN LOOKED AT FROM THE HORSE SIDE.

95-99 TRANSFORMER: MORE THAN MEET STHE EYES! ROLL ONE MORE TIME. EACH MONTH LOSE SECOND ABILITY AND ROLL FOR A NEW ONE (REROLL A 95-99 RESULT).

100 SUPERMUTANT: ROLL THREE DIFFERENT ABILITIES AND KEEP THE TWO THAT YOU LIKE BEST.
 

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100 Misfortunes on the Road


  1. The hero caught sight of the Face of Death. Their body is translated into a salty burn shadow and a flickering soul-echo of their existence remains suspended in the air. Nothing short of a Wishful Dream or Wish can restore them, for their human essence has been ripped into the shreds of the Ignored Tower’s distortion. Singed possessions and belongings remain, tossed as by a grim tide.
  2. Got the runny blues, a depressive digestive disorder (-1d6 Dex and Con).
  3. Picked up tendril tapeworms.
  4. Got an infected sore on the muddy road.
  5. Pick-pocket attack, lost something precious.
  6. Fell in love with a swamp wisp.
  7. Nice shoes ruined in a deceptive bog.
  8. Luckless character sprains an ankle (+1 day).
  9. Lose 1 slot of supplies to a sharp-toothed rodent pack.
  10. Catch a rattling cough. Noisy, but harmless. A patent medicine (5 cash) should cure it.
  11. Bitten by a scorpion spider trying to make a home in a smelly boot (poison, Con save DC 3d6, disadvantage on physical checks for Δ6 days).
  12. Unfortunate hero sprains shoulder (+1 day).
  13. Lose a beast to a pack of wild dogs.
  14. Get a bladder infection (-1d4 Str).
  15. Infested with ash-lice (-1d4 Wis).
  16. Metal armor has rusted (-1 AC bonus).
  17. Red eye from the irritating dust (-1d4 Dex).
  18. Preventable with proper eyewear.
  19. Horrible blisters (limping).
  20. Beast found with seventeen two-inch cubes cut out of its flesh, it is severely weakened (+2 days or leave it behind).
  21. Nasty nettle burns (-1d4 Dex).
  22. Sat in an ant nest (-1d4 Cha).
  23. Ripped pants on some cinder slag.
  24. Infected cut on hand from sharp shard (-1d4 hp).
  25. Δ4 supplies pilfered by monkey-handed canids.
  26. Sat on a cactus (-1d4 Con).
  27. Hat blown away by sudden gust.
  28. Those pretty flowers in that garland? Totally poisonous (Con save DC 2d6), left a rash, too (-1 Cha).
  29. Ecstatically beautiful flower patch, could lose track of time here (+1 days, +50 XP, -2 Con from exposure).
  30. Biomech razorfly swarm forces everyone to hunker down. Lose 1d4 days or 2d6 hp.
  31. Mount steps into a puddle of Source and suddenly undergoes violent source code corruption.
  32. Lost in the high grass. Lose 1d4 days, roll on Misfortune and Encounter again. Also, lost a shoe to a thirsty tangle shrub.
  33. Hit in the eye by a speck of windblown biomech garbage. Ouch. -1d4 hp and -1d4 Dex. Blinded in one eye until treated by a proper medic.
  34. Infected thornstone wound. Lose 1 Con per day until healed (Cure Disease or equivalent).
  35. Lightning strike, DC 14 Dex save, 2d10 damage or lose a henchman or beast of burden.
  36. Dreadful winds slow progress, lose 1 day and DC 12 Con save or catch the dusting cough.
  37. Baking heat exhausts travelers, lose 1d4 Con.
  38. Baking heat and sweat means a bad saddle rash, lose 1d4 Dex.
  39. Slept in the soil of a radiation ghost, lose 1d6 Str.
  40. Bitten by a rabid steppe wolf, Con DC 10 save or diseased. Wis DC 15 save and three rations could get you a steppe wolf pet. Fears magic carpets.
  41. A princely toll is levied for semi-legal goods. 20% or 50 cash, whichever is more. Or fight a porcelain patrol.
  42. Sharp porcelain splinter leaves festering foot wound, slowed, lose 1d4 days.
  43. Lightning strike throws up biomantic spores, Con DC 2d6+2 or diseased. Mutations possible.
  44. Massive static field raises glowing dusts, that bring bad coughs and sleep deprivation, lose 1d6 Con.
  45. Bad cinder storm sends sharp debris flying, lose 1 day or 1d6 hp.
  46. Tiny poison golem in boot, can be trained. Poison DC 3d6, requires refill after each attack. Quite stupid.
  47. 1d4 supplies worth of water lost to a freak desiccating gust incident.
  48. Shard of the Dark Mirror lodged in one eye, letting the hero always see the worst in people. Sort of like a permanent Detect nastiness ability that won’t turn off. Curse removal recommended.
  49. Booming rust storm flenses caravan and leaves ringing in the ears. Lose 1d4 days.
  50. 1d6 pieces of metal equipment rust beyond use. Even magical items rust in this area.
  51. Stumble and cut self on the weathered grave of a machine folk hero, taking 1d8 damage from an ancient weapon. The grave contains porcelain eyes worth 1d6 x 100 cash and a magic, un-rusting weapon. It has no other power. It just never rusts.
  52. Nasty concussion from walking head-down into an unexpected arch of salt (Lose 1d6 hp and 1d6 Intelligence).
  53. Broken leg from stumbling over a scree pile. Still, better than looking on the Face of Death (Lose 1d8 and 1d6 Str and Dex).
  54. Pack animal caught in the gaze of the Face of Death. It’s gone now, all the goods it carried singed, but still about half-salvageable.
  55. Thick haze-storm obscures the Face of Death, making travel easier, though the smog plays havoc on the lungs (Gain 1d4 days, but lose 1d4 hp).
  56. Strap, belt, thong, shoe-lace or other tie snaps at the worst moment, and in the fall a fragile object breaks. If the hero has no fragile objects, then they packed well and get through intact.
  57. Horrible, bloody blisters (limping and -1d4 hp). Could get infected.
  58. Picked up lenticular worms. Great.
  59. Lit a campfire on top of an enormous deposit of methane-rich ‘deposits’ left by some gargantuan herbivore (Dex DC 2d10 or lose 1d10 hp),
  60. Found a wonderful little oasis, full of delicious fish and black light lotus (+1d4 Cha for a week, get a week’s worth of rest, lose 1d6 days).
  61. A spell or memory disappears into the dead land (lose one known spell or skill permanently, or until a Restoration is used).
  62. Dry, flaky rash strikes hard (-1d4 Charisma).
  63. 1d4 slots of supplies lost to the dust.
  64. Chitin-cap spores infected a steed, laming it.
  65. Lost in the dull, repetitive land. Have you walked past that abandoned village before? Maybe? (-1d4 days).
  66. Rested in a peaceful farming village, but it turned out to be a ghostly echo of the Times of the Liberated Serf Dictatorship (lose 1 day and 1d4 supplies).
  67. Water runs out in the empty land (-2 supplies).
  68. Sudden snow storm (-1d4+1 days).
  69. Swarming blood-sucking flies (-1 Con).
  70. Abandoned rodent warren snaps a steed’s leg. Oops.
  71. Restful grove with beautiful spring. Oh, wait, the spring water was contaminated with the effluvia of Ultra ghosts (lose 1 day and 1 supplies in a hallucinated fug).
  72. A random weapon or armor fell off the danged pack animal. Back over there. Somewhere. It’s gone now in the sea of grass.
  73. Fell through an eroded shell midden into a subterranean cavern (-1d4 supplies or lose 1d6 Dex and Con).
  74. Unexpected hailstorm (-1 days or -1d4 hp).
  75. Soporific pine trees put party to sleep (-1d3 days).
  76. A beast of burden wanders off (lose beast or -1 day to retrieve it).
  77. Caught a nasty cold (sniffling and sneezing for 1d6 days).
  78. Cash pilfered by a tribe of uplifted, greedy prairie dogs (-1d100 cash).
  79. Attacked by blood-draining vampire grass in the night (-1d8 hp).
  80. Harsh, stiff winds make progress slow (-1d4 days).
  81. Mechanical or magical device breaks down from the odd electromagical fields.
  82. Carnivorous grasses entangle a beast in the night (lose beast or 1d4 supplies).
  83. Got a nasty infection from a sharp sedge cut (-1d4 Con).
  84. Camped on a nasty ant mound (lose 1d4 hp).
  85. Swept away by a flash flood, throw away up to six posessions and roll d6. If you roll equal to or below the number of discarded possessions you wash up 1d4 days away, unhurt. If you roll over, you drown.
  86. Struck by lightning, lose half hit points and one metal item is destroyed.
  87. Pack animal sickens in the light of the Near Moon and begins to show lycanthropic tendencies. Lose 1d4 days treating animal, or lose the animal.
  88. Catch a nasty cold from the icy waters (lose 1d4 Con).
  89. Supplies get wet (lose 1d4 supplies).
  90. One of your rings was actually magical and it slips away from your finger as you are crossing, to be found years later by a fisher-dwarf named Smehol. But that is another story.
  91. Nauseated by the odd tides (lose 1d6 Con and Wis).
  92. Lost your cloak and hat to a freak wind.
  93. Fell into a bog and caught a cold (sneezing), also ruined a fine silk kerchief, if you have one.
  94. Acquired a fantastic belief that you are a lycanthrope and require raw, bloody meat to feed your inner beast. This passes once you are out of sight of the moon.
  95. Torn waterskins (lose 1 supply) and horribly bitten by bugs in the night (lose 1d4 Dex).
  96. Flash flood washes away 1d4 beasts (or people if the beasts run out). Saving a beast requires a Str DC 15 check (or related skill). Fail the check badly enough and the hero might be pulled in too. Same DC.
  97. Muddy bog and ravines wash out trail, forcing a detour that wastes 1d4 days.
  98. Bad sunburn from the violet rays (lose 1d6 hp).
  99. Wind blows away one book, map, scroll, or other inconvenient parchment.
  100. Supplies soaked while crossing an unexpectedly rough ford (lose 1d4 supplies).
 

TristramEvans

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DEEP SEA ENCOUNTERS

1 Marine Snow- Not the most exciting of encounters as the sea is rife with it. Marine Snow is the particulate detritus of the upper zones, everything that the Pelagic zone lost or doesn't want. This particular area is especially thick with it reducing vision to nearly nothing. Beware of using any necromatic energies here lest the detritus of a million million living and dead creatures form into a Rot Elemental.

2 Osedax- A strange worm found primarily among whale falls, also known as the Zombie Worm. These creatures burrow into bone to ingest the nutrition rich marrow within. Sea Witches have bred a form of Osedax that seeks living prey instead, burrowing into them and taking control of their skeletons. It is not unknown for so-called Ghost Pirate ships to be crewed by Osedax controlled skeletons looking for fresh marrow.

3 Hagfish- An ancient ungodly jawless eel-adjacent fish that is known primarily for its ability to tie itself in knots and create copious amounts of slime. A single standard Hagfish can produce around 5 gallons of slime at a moment's notice. This sticky substance clogs gills, impedes movement, and causes general confusion and panic. Hagfish slime is also an excellent egg substitute and it is not uncommon for them to be kept for culinary purposes by various undersea races. There is a 25% of any Hagfish encountered is actually a larval Aboleth whose slime in small doses is a psychedelic drug with prophetic properties and in larger doses causes the horrid flesh diseases of their adult forms.

4 WHALE FALL- Oh most glorious of feasts! A ocean giant has been felled and fallen to the depths. This temporary ecosystem attracts many scores of creatures from the myriad starfish scavengers to hagfish and sharks, various strange worms and weird mollusks. Anything that could conceivably be under the sea might show up here for the feast.

5 Tongue-Eating Louse- A parasite known for eating and replacing the tongue of various fish, the Tongue-Eating Louse ordinarily isn't an issue for humanoids.

6 Zood- A water bear the size of a tank. Normally preferring life on surface mudflats, some Zood scavenge across the abyssal plains. Where there are Zood, there are explosive deposits of methane.

7 Fairy Salp Circle- Salps are jelly-like colonial organisms that form long chains in the ocean. Each individual creature within the organism specialize acting to assist the collective in feeding, propulsion, defense, etc. A Fairy Salp Circle is the aquatic equivalent to the toadstool ring in the forest, the Fae commandeer a natural circle and turn it into a portal to their realm.

8 Praya dubia or Giant Siphonophore- Similar to Salps, these massively long creatures are formed of many specialized organisms. Unlike the Salp, which is content to passively ingest plankton, the Giant Siphonophore seeks fertile waters and drops long tendrils to paralyze and catch their prey. It produces a bright blue bioluminescent light to attract its prey, primarily made up of other gelatinous organisms, crabs, and small fish. This one happens to also have achieved a boltzmann brain state and is considered the sea's greatest philosopher.

9 Koromodako- An octopus that is mere centimeters in size, the Koromodako usually survives on hunting singular zooplankton which can sustain it for long periods. However when a Koromodako is threatened in any way, it can expand to massive Kraken-like sizes for sort periods of time, sucking everything in the vicinity into its all encompassing maw. Afterwards it compresses back to its formally tiny size. Wizards theorize that Koromodako are actually a relative of the Bag of Devouring and have been able to create rather small Bags of Holding from their harvest corpses.

10 Giant Octopus- Not actually interested in eating you, this giant octopus has recently fed and is more curious than predatory. Its skin pulses the deep crimson of excitement as it wraps this tentacles around the party, tasting and feeling them with their suckers. It desperately wants to be friends with anything that isn't immediately delicious or finds it delicious, but it isn't particularly equipped to communicate that.

11 Gargantuan Isopod- Like seriously giant, not those bulldog sized pillbugs, more like the size of a city block. Still primarily bottom feeders, the massive specimens are often dominated or tamed and turned into undersea tenements, fortresses, or siege engines.

12 Male Angler Fish- These little guys are the size of your thumb and desperately wants to mate with your light source. If they successfully attach to your light source, it will over the course of 24 transform hours into a large Female Angler Fish with a lamp of equal strength to the original light source. Unless impeded in some way, it will then swim off to do whatever it is Anglers do in their spare time.

13 Lobster- There is, as far as we know, no upper limit to the size of a Lobster. When a lobster is encountered roll a d4 that explodes on 4. For every 4 rolled increase the size category of the lobster. A base lobster is about the size of a small cat.

14 Umibōzu- The legendary Sea Monks, truly gargantuan creatures that sailors ordinarily only witness an ink black head and glaring white eyes of. This far down, however, you are encountering its shins, which are more or less two slow moving black pillars about the width of your average wizard's tower. It likely wont notice any attack smaller than ballista bolt, but its got is own ecosystem of interesting parasites, corals, and detritus feeders.

15. Bakunawa- Might be related to Jormungandr, the Bakunawa is a horn-nosed sea serpent of astonishing size. You see, there was once 7 moons in the sky each of increasing beauty. The Bakunawa was incredibly jealous and swallowed them one by one until there was only the one left. Luckily for the tides and young lovers, Bakunawa is incredibly scared by loud sounds. Once it took many villages worth of noise to keep it under the sea, but the modern age makes so much sound naturally that Bakunawa hasn't surfaced in a generation.

16. Loop of Jormungandr- Its too big, it wraps around the world and might very well be an incarnation of the very currents of the world. You are unlikely to ever meet Jormungandr, but you might meet a piece of it. Its a wall of serpentine flesh the size of a continental shelf and the color of your thumbs pressed against your closed eyelids. It slivers between the mundane and the divine realms, you blink and its gone!

17. Herd of Capricorn- These capricious sea-goats roam the seas in wild herds, eating anything that can't put up some sort of defense. Sometimes a domesticated herd is tended to by one of the intelligent sea races, mainly for their milk and rarely for their meat. Sea-Goats are, according to legend, all ultimately destined to be eaten by The Leviathan.

18. Lesser Sea Monks- Man-sized creatures similar to the Umibozu, these inky nondescript creatures often follow in the wake of an Umibozu whom they consider somewhere between an abbot and a mobile temple. Their interests lie entirely within the contemplation of the Flow, an understanding of the universe based upon the currents of the sea.

19. The Hot Tub of Depair!- A thirty foot wide super-saline lake sitting on the seafloor, the pickled corpses of crabs and starfish surrounding its perimeter. This water is so dense that it is unable to mix with the rest of the water around it, creating its own weird waves in the wind-like currents around it. Hundreds of mussels cluster around its edge, filtering nutrients from the super heated chemical stew. The truth is, the opposite side of this lake is a the Doppelsea of the Doppelworld where doppelgangers live their doppelives. Doppelgangers in our world are criminals thrown or escaped through this lake.

20. 100d100 Jellyfish- Just so fucken many jellyfish, so many! Use the generator below to make them jellies!

RollColor# of TentaclesBell ShapeVenom Potency

1Violet1UmbrellaNon-Lethal Sting
2Indigo2BellWelts (pee on it)
3Blue3Mane(multiply # of tentacles by 100)2 on the Schmidt
4Green5Flower4 on the Schmidt
5Yellow8BucketHallucinogenic
6Orange13Wide and ShallowFull body Scars
7Red21Wide and DeepParalytic
8Flashing 34Narrow and ShallowAnaphylaxis trigger
9Transparent55Narrow and DeepWEIRD
10Ultraviolet89Minuscule, the size of a thumbnailInstant Heart Attack
 

AsenRG

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DEEP SEA ENCOUNTERS

1 Marine Snow- Not the most exciting of encounters as the sea is rife with it. Marine Snow is the particulate detritus of the upper zones, everything that the Pelagic zone lost or doesn't want. This particular area is especially thick with it reducing vision to nearly nothing. Beware of using any necromatic energies here lest the detritus of a million million living and dead creatures form into a Rot Elemental.

2 Osedax- A strange worm found primarily among whale falls, also known as the Zombie Worm. These creatures burrow into bone to ingest the nutrition rich marrow within. Sea Witches have bred a form of Osedax that seeks living prey instead, burrowing into them and taking control of their skeletons. It is not unknown for so-called Ghost Pirate ships to be crewed by Osedax controlled skeletons looking for fresh marrow.

3 Hagfish- An ancient ungodly jawless eel-adjacent fish that is known primarily for its ability to tie itself in knots and create copious amounts of slime. A single standard Hagfish can produce around 5 gallons of slime at a moment's notice. This sticky substance clogs gills, impedes movement, and causes general confusion and panic. Hagfish slime is also an excellent egg substitute and it is not uncommon for them to be kept for culinary purposes by various undersea races. There is a 25% of any Hagfish encountered is actually a larval Aboleth whose slime in small doses is a psychedelic drug with prophetic properties and in larger doses causes the horrid flesh diseases of their adult forms.

4 WHALE FALL- Oh most glorious of feasts! A ocean giant has been felled and fallen to the depths. This temporary ecosystem attracts many scores of creatures from the myriad starfish scavengers to hagfish and sharks, various strange worms and weird mollusks. Anything that could conceivably be under the sea might show up here for the feast.

5 Tongue-Eating Louse- A parasite known for eating and replacing the tongue of various fish, the Tongue-Eating Louse ordinarily isn't an issue for humanoids.

6 Zood- A water bear the size of a tank. Normally preferring life on surface mudflats, some Zood scavenge across the abyssal plains. Where there are Zood, there are explosive deposits of methane.

7 Fairy Salp Circle- Salps are jelly-like colonial organisms that form long chains in the ocean. Each individual creature within the organism specialize acting to assist the collective in feeding, propulsion, defense, etc. A Fairy Salp Circle is the aquatic equivalent to the toadstool ring in the forest, the Fae commandeer a natural circle and turn it into a portal to their realm.

8 Praya dubia or Giant Siphonophore- Similar to Salps, these massively long creatures are formed of many specialized organisms. Unlike the Salp, which is content to passively ingest plankton, the Giant Siphonophore seeks fertile waters and drops long tendrils to paralyze and catch their prey. It produces a bright blue bioluminescent light to attract its prey, primarily made up of other gelatinous organisms, crabs, and small fish. This one happens to also have achieved a boltzmann brain state and is considered the sea's greatest philosopher.

9 Koromodako- An octopus that is mere centimeters in size, the Koromodako usually survives on hunting singular zooplankton which can sustain it for long periods. However when a Koromodako is threatened in any way, it can expand to massive Kraken-like sizes for sort periods of time, sucking everything in the vicinity into its all encompassing maw. Afterwards it compresses back to its formally tiny size. Wizards theorize that Koromodako are actually a relative of the Bag of Devouring and have been able to create rather small Bags of Holding from their harvest corpses.

10 Giant Octopus- Not actually interested in eating you, this giant octopus has recently fed and is more curious than predatory. Its skin pulses the deep crimson of excitement as it wraps this tentacles around the party, tasting and feeling them with their suckers. It desperately wants to be friends with anything that isn't immediately delicious or finds it delicious, but it isn't particularly equipped to communicate that.

11 Gargantuan Isopod- Like seriously giant, not those bulldog sized pillbugs, more like the size of a city block. Still primarily bottom feeders, the massive specimens are often dominated or tamed and turned into undersea tenements, fortresses, or siege engines.

12 Male Angler Fish- These little guys are the size of your thumb and desperately wants to mate with your light source. If they successfully attach to your light source, it will over the course of 24 transform hours into a large Female Angler Fish with a lamp of equal strength to the original light source. Unless impeded in some way, it will then swim off to do whatever it is Anglers do in their spare time.

13 Lobster- There is, as far as we know, no upper limit to the size of a Lobster. When a lobster is encountered roll a d4 that explodes on 4. For every 4 rolled increase the size category of the lobster. A base lobster is about the size of a small cat.

14 Umibōzu- The legendary Sea Monks, truly gargantuan creatures that sailors ordinarily only witness an ink black head and glaring white eyes of. This far down, however, you are encountering its shins, which are more or less two slow moving black pillars about the width of your average wizard's tower. It likely wont notice any attack smaller than ballista bolt, but its got is own ecosystem of interesting parasites, corals, and detritus feeders.

15. Bakunawa- Might be related to Jormungandr, the Bakunawa is a horn-nosed sea serpent of astonishing size. You see, there was once 7 moons in the sky each of increasing beauty. The Bakunawa was incredibly jealous and swallowed them one by one until there was only the one left. Luckily for the tides and young lovers, Bakunawa is incredibly scared by loud sounds. Once it took many villages worth of noise to keep it under the sea, but the modern age makes so much sound naturally that Bakunawa hasn't surfaced in a generation.

16. Loop of Jormungandr- Its too big, it wraps around the world and might very well be an incarnation of the very currents of the world. You are unlikely to ever meet Jormungandr, but you might meet a piece of it. Its a wall of serpentine flesh the size of a continental shelf and the color of your thumbs pressed against your closed eyelids. It slivers between the mundane and the divine realms, you blink and its gone!

17. Herd of Capricorn- These capricious sea-goats roam the seas in wild herds, eating anything that can't put up some sort of defense. Sometimes a domesticated herd is tended to by one of the intelligent sea races, mainly for their milk and rarely for their meat. Sea-Goats are, according to legend, all ultimately destined to be eaten by The Leviathan.

18. Lesser Sea Monks- Man-sized creatures similar to the Umibozu, these inky nondescript creatures often follow in the wake of an Umibozu whom they consider somewhere between an abbot and a mobile temple. Their interests lie entirely within the contemplation of the Flow, an understanding of the universe based upon the currents of the sea.

19. The Hot Tub of Depair!- A thirty foot wide super-saline lake sitting on the seafloor, the pickled corpses of crabs and starfish surrounding its perimeter. This water is so dense that it is unable to mix with the rest of the water around it, creating its own weird waves in the wind-like currents around it. Hundreds of mussels cluster around its edge, filtering nutrients from the super heated chemical stew. The truth is, the opposite side of this lake is a the Doppelsea of the Doppelworld where doppelgangers live their doppelives. Doppelgangers in our world are criminals thrown or escaped through this lake.

20. 100d100 Jellyfish- Just so fucken many jellyfish, so many! Use the generator below to make them jellies!

RollColor# of TentaclesBell ShapeVenom Potency

1Violet1UmbrellaNon-Lethal Sting
2Indigo2BellWelts (pee on it)
3Blue3Mane(multiply # of tentacles by 100)2 on the Schmidt
4Green5Flower4 on the Schmidt
5Yellow8BucketHallucinogenic
6Orange13Wide and ShallowFull body Scars
7Red21Wide and DeepParalytic
8Flashing34Narrow and ShallowAnaphylaxis trigger
9Transparent55Narrow and DeepWEIRD
10Ultraviolet89Minuscule, the size of a thumbnailInstant Heart Attack
OK, I'm now officially adding another thread to pull my players into an underwater adventure:shade:!
 

TristramEvans

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1d50 Discount Spells

1. Call to the Daring
R: [dice] miles T: area D: 1 minute
All people within the radius of the spell feel a faint tugging at their heart. If they are pure of heart, noble of purpose, and fit of body, the spell functions as a command spell and calls them to the caster's location. Since virtually nobody fits the spell's criteria (it's very picky), it usually does nothing.

2. Charm of the Cods
R: 30' T: [sum] codfish D: 10 minutes
Target codfishes are charmed and will obey simple commands. Does not work on other fish.

3. Chilled Arrow
R: touch T: arrow D: until used
An arrow you touch gains +[dice] cold damage when it is next used.

4. Claming Blow
R: touch T: weapon or target creature D: 0
Target creature struck by a weapon you enchant or by your hand is moistened and chilled. Usually, no other effect. If you invest 4 [dice] or more the effect is permanent.

5. Clinging Blade
R: 20' T: [sum] weapons D: 5 rounds
Weapons you target become slightly magnetic or sticky, and cling to anything they strike. It takes an opposed Strength test against Strength 8 + [dice] to pull a weapon free.

6. Conjure Bark
R: touch T: object D: permanent
You summon a bunch of bark. The amount summoned depends on the [dice] you invest: 1 [die]: a handful, 2 [dice]: an armful, 3 [dice]: a cartload, 4 [dice] a roomful.

7. Conjure Mare
R: 5' T: point D: [dice] rounds
You summon a glowing celestial mare. This would be really cool if the mare wasn't confused and extremely temporary. It vanishes with a puff of glitter when the spell ends. It will bite you if you try to ride it and it won't obey your commands.

8. Crusading Disk
R: touch T: point D: [sum] rounds
A glowing disc of solid force 5' in diameter appears where you point. It moves at your direction a walking pace unless heathens, unbelievers, or heretics are in view. Then, it moves as fast as galloping horse and tries to smash them. It does no damage on impact. It can be pushed with an opposed Strength test against Strength 8 + [dice].

9. Curse Clam

R: touch T: clam D: permanent
You inflict a horrible curse on a clam. For a minor curse, you must invest 2 [dice]. For a major curse, you must invest 4 [dice]. Dice used to cast this spell are automatically exhausted. You cannot dispel your own curses.

10. Cursing Wink
R: 50' T: mortal creature D: permanent
You wink at a creature. If it winks back, you inflict a horrible curse on it. For a minor curse, you must invest 2 [dice]. For a major curse, you must invest 4 [dice]. Dice used to cast this spell are automatically exhausted, even if the target does not wink back. You cannot dispel your own curses.

11. Darkworm Colt
R: 10' T: point D: [dice] hours
You summon a grey-black worm the size of a pony. It has a silver saddle on its back and way too many teeth in the front. It moves 1/2 a normal walking pace. It cannot climb walls and the teeth are too soft to do any damage. Maybe if you summoned the adult version you'd have a proper mount.

12. Date Ward
R: touch T: self D: [sum] days
You designate a date up to [sum] days in the future. You cannot die until that date. You can be hideously mangled, burned, mashed, spread across the cobbles, or torn apart, but your soul will still remain in your body (or its remains) until the date designated. On that date, you automatically fail all Saves.

13. Death of the Sun
R: touch T: self D: 0
You know the date of the next solar eclipse. If you invest 3 or more [dice], you also know approximately where the path of totality will cross Creation.

14. Divine Boom
R: [dice]x100' T: area D: 0
A thunderous boom shakes the area, as if the Authority Himself was readying a divine pronouncement. Loose objects shake, clouds roil, water ripples, etc.

15. Find Strike
R: 30' T: creature or object D: 20 mintues
You can clearly see the last place target creature or object was struck. The area glows red. If you invest 2 [dice] or more, you can tell approximately how long ago the creature or object was struck.

16. Forceful Boor
R: 10' T: creature of [dice]x2 HD or less D: [sum] minutes
Target creature's Charisma becomes 4 for the purposes of polite conversation, diplomacy, or storytelling. Target's confidence massively increases. Save to negate.

17. Forceful Force
R: [dice]x10' T: creature or object D: concentration
Target is struck by a blow of invisible force and pushed away from the caster. As long as the caster maintains concentration, the force persists. Moving directly towards the caster requires an opposed Strength test. The effective Strength of the force depends on the dice invested. 1 [die]: 10, 2 [dice]: 14, 3 [dice]: 18, 4 [dice] 20. The caster is required to yell, grunt, and wave their arms for the spell to work.

18. Frames of Death
R: touch T: point D: [sum] minutes
An empty picture frame [dice]' long by [dice]' wide appears in your hand. Any mortal creature who passes through the frame must Save or be convinced they have died. They are utterly certain they are a zombie, a ghost, an embodied undead, or something stranger. No evidence can convince them otherwise. Passing through the frame a second time negates the effect. The effect also ends when the spell's duration expires.

19. Gate Sail
R: line of sight T: [sum] doors or gates D: 0
You designate up to [sum] doors or gates that you can clearly see without moving from your current position. You can turn your head but you cannot lift your feet. You then fly from door to door, in the order you designated, passing through each one in turn along the shortest possible route. You move at the speed of a galloping horse. Unlocked doors will be flung open. If you encounter a locked door, you slam into it instead and the spell ends.

20. Grasping Light

R: 50' T: point D: [sum] minutes
A feeble, flopping, utterly useless jellyfish-like light appears. It moves at 5' per round in a random direction. It cannot fly. If it touches a living creature it becomes stuck to it. It is impossible to remove until the spell ends. The light is as bright as a candle.

21. Greater Flick
R: 100' T: creature or object D: 0
Target creature or object is knocked [dice]x10' away from the caster, as if flicked by an invisible finger. It takes [dice] damage.

22. Healing of Bat
R: touch T: bat D: 0
Target bat is healed for [sum] HP.

23. Icon of Thorns
R: touch T: self D: [dice] hours
An icon of twisted vines and barbed thorns appears in your hand. You can part underbrush or shrubs with a wave of your hand, and move freely through a dense forest. Trees won't move, but most smaller plants will.

24. Mister of Light
R: touch T: self D: [sum] minutes
A small bottle with a rubber bulb appears in your hand. By squeezing the bulb, you can spray a fine mist of light into the air. The light behaves like water. A single puff is as bright as a candle; furious puffing makes the light as bright as a torch.

25. Mordenkainen’s Lucubrabibiboricic Angion
R: a brace of dist-sticks, T: ensoulified organelle, D: [cubit] nega-deci-days
The recipitor of this bewizardment must Repulse or versifculate and wordiflect in a promulgatory yet quizingly learn-prehensile way for the logitimunalness of the bewizardment.

26. Plant of Peace
R: touch T: plant D: [sum] minutes
Target plant must Save with a -2x[dice] penalty or be calmed by your spell. This spell also affects dryads, treants, etc.

27. Primal Prayer Bear
R: 10' T: point D: [sum] rounds
You culturally appropriate a tribal spirit. Stats as a giant glowing blue bear, except that it cannot take damage. It will try and kill you if it can, but it will also kill anyone nearby, or in its way, or anyone who tries to harm it. If you invest 3 [dice] or more the bear can fly. If you invest 4 [dice] or more the bear can cast 1 appropriate spell per round and also attack.

28. Primal Rear

R: touch T: self (own buttocks) D: [sum] hours, if [sum] > 12, permanent.
Your rear and hips reform in ancient proportions of fertility. These might not meet the local standards of beauty, but it does make sitting down very comfortable. You could also use this spell to escape constricting trousers or a snake that is trying to eat you.

29. Remorse?
R: 50' T: person D: 0
Target must Save or remember some shameful deed they have committed. They are stunned for at least 1 round, but if the deed was particularly awful, they could be stunned for more or take a morale check. If they pass their Save, they can choose to embrace the deed instead, and gain +1d6 HP. If you invest 3 [dice] or more, you know what the target regrets if they fail their Save.

30. Soul of the Bill
R: touch T: invoice or bill D: 5 minutes
You draw the soul or essence of an invoice, bill, or receipt from the document and into the air. It looks like a tiny blue slip of paper. By evaluating the colour and texture, you can see if the person who gave you the bill is honest or dishonest, fair or unfair, and truthful or untruthful. If you invest 4 [dice], you can transfer the soul of the bill to any other bill, invoice, or receipt, forcing that person to pay your debts.

31. Spirit Boating
R: 20' T: water or other liquid D: [sum] minutes
You summon a small glowing green boat with eerie tattered sail. The boat can hold 5 people but it is completely incorporeal. If you step in it you'll just fall through, unless you are also incorporeal. Ghosts can use it just fine.

32. Star Warper
R: 50' T: object no larger than an apple D:0
A botched attempt at a teleport spell. Target must Save or be sucked into the upper air, far above the clouds. It will fall down in 1d10 hours, burnt to a crisp, d100 miles from its original position. There is a 1-in-6 chance the portal will remain open for a few extra seconds and suck all the air out of the room. This isn't fatal, but it is noisy and very inconvenient.

33. Stone of Death
R: touch T: self D: [sum] minutes
A grey stone skull the size of a walnut appears in your hand. If anyone voluntarily accepts the stone from you into their outstretched hand, they die. No Save. The stone will try and prevent this by any or all of the following methods:
1. Shouting "I am the Stone of Death. If you touch me you will die!" and other similar statements. The stone speaks all languages and can make animal alarm cries. It will contradict the caster's lies.
2. Shaking violently, glowing an ominous red colour, pulsing, hissing, or twitching.
3. Emitting a noxious smell or a bone-chilling gust of air.
4. Any other amusing method the GM decides the stone can perform. It cannot fly, move significantly, or transform.

34. Summon Ass
R: 20' T: point D: [dice] hours
You summon a donkey. It's a perfectly ordinary donkey, and therefore, it's very difficult to steer, ride, or convince. Easily bribed; impossible to bully.

35. Tunesrite
R: touch T: [dice] musical instruments D: 0
You tune target instruments. This spell cannot repair major defects or missing components, but it will bring the instrument into tune instantly.

36. Wall of Distraction
R: 20' T: wall or sphere D: 10 minutes
You conjure either (a) a hemisphere [dice]x5’ in diameter, or (b) a 10' by 10' panel per [dice], which can be arranged in any contiguous formation joined by their edges. The wall is intangible. Any sighted creature, including the caster, who sees the wall must Save each round or be stunned. The wall shows a wonderfully distracting scene, customized to each viewer.

37. War Cape
R: touch T: self D: [sum] minutes
You summon a scarlet cape with a gold trim. Any person wearing the came firmly believes they are a great warrior, leader, and tactician. They aren't, but you really believe they are. The effect ends if the wearer takes damage.

38. Ward of Snade the Pood Beast
R: [dice]x10' radius T: point D: [sum] hours
Snade the Pood Beast cannot enter or leave the are of this spell. Regular Pood Beasts can pass the ward without any issues, but to Snade, it appears as a transparent barrier. Since no one is sure what a Pood Beast is, this spell is considered a curiosity at best and a liability at worst.

39. Summon Storm Bear
R: 20' T: point D: [sum] rounds
You summon a [dice] HD giant bear with blue-white fur. Its attacks deal lighting damage. It won't obey you, but it doesn't really care about you either. It's not hostile and won't attack anyone unless provoked. Morale 6. Wants to eat cloudberries.

40. Storm of the Gifling
R: self T: [dice]x2' cone D: [sum] rounds
The Giflings were a mighty warrior race. Their empire lasted a thousand years. All their enemies were brought to kneel before the Basalt Throne of the Gifling Lords. Their armies ranged over countless square feet, for the Giflings were only a sixteenth of an inch high. This was one of their most devastating spells. It summons a light breeze. If you invest 4 [dice] or more, the breeze is also slightly cold.

The Song Spells
Magic songs have a long tradition. Most sensible wizards don't bother; the spells take too long to cast and usually require a silly dance or set of gestures. Even among an unpopular class of spells, these 5 stand out as exceptionally useless.

41. Song of Blord
R: touch T: self D: [sum] rounds
You sing a song of the life of Blord, a noble warrior, wise judge, fine craftsman, and extraordinary lover. The entire song is banal praise and empty flattery. If Blord is present, he is healed for [sum] HP and gains +1 to all Stats for the duration of the spell. Blord has been dead for 300 years.

42. Song of Distraction
R: touch T: self D: [sum] rounds
Each round, everyone within 100' of the caster must Save vs Wisdom to remember what they were doing. If the action is obvious (fighting the guy who is trying to claw your throat out), no Save is required. The caster must also Save or forget they are singing the spell-song. They can't cast other spells, but they will have no idea why, or what is going on, or where they are.

43. Song of the Ball
R: touch/50' T: person D: [sum] rounds
The designated target of this spell must Save or begin dancing with the caster. The dance resembles a waltz. Each round, the caster and the target must either move towards each other or 10' in a random direction. Normal melee attacks can be performed during the dance, but require a Save vs Dexterity in addition to a successful attack roll (as they need to be graceful and integrated into the waltz.) The caster sings an accompaniment for the duration of the spell.

44. Song of the Door
R: 10' T: door D: [sum] rounds
You sing a plaintive song to the door, trying to convince it to spring open for you. The song involves lots of wailing and shouting and pleading. The door must Save with a -2x[dice] penalty. The default Save value for a door is 18, but some doors are particularly sympathetic and emotional, and might have a lower value.

45. Song of the Unworthy
R: touch T: self D: [sum] rounds
While you are singing this spell-song, creatures who can hear must Save to attack you. If they fail, they will not attack you for the spell's duration. They find you utterly disgusting, completely worthless, inedible, pathetic, or a dishonorable target. The song lists your many faults and weaknesses, shameful acts (real or invented), diseases, injuries, and general hopeless failures. You are also required to roll around on the ground.

The Dave Spells
Dave was once a wizard's apprentice. The wizard in question accidentally inflicted a summoning spell of extraordinary power on his hapless apprentice, and though the wizard is long dead, Dave lives on, immortal, invulnerable, and extremely confused. He is perpetually being dragged from his pocket dimension (a tiny stone cottage buried deep underground) into combat, danger, dismemberment, and extremely awkward situations. Dave looks like a bedraggled teenage human with brown hair and a dull brown robe.

46. Charm of the Dave
R: 20' T: creature D: [sum] rounds
Dave appears and, at your command, tries to charm, placate, or seduce the target. He's absolutely terrible at it. He's awkward, under-dressed, inexperienced, and extremely tired. Likely as not he'll give up halfway through, shrug, and stand back. If you invest 3 [dice] or more, Dave's efforts are accompanied by awkward and out-of-tune flute music.

47. Chorus of the Dave

R: 20' T: point D: [sum] rounds
Dave appears and sings a song of your choice. He finds this very demeaning. He also can't sing. He knows the words to all songs in all languages but he can't pronounce most of them. If you invest 3 [dice] or more, Dave's singing is accompanied by a magical kazoo.

48. Hail to the Dave
R: 20' T: point D [sum] rounds
Dave appears in a puff of smoke. He tries his best to look impressive and regal. He struts around, swishing his robes, turning up his nose at things, and awkwardly finding faults. If you invest 3 [dice] or more, Dave's preening is accompanied by a lone and faltering trumpet.

49. Storm of the Dave
R: 20' T: point D: [sum] rounds
Dave appears and immediately starts running around and knocking things over. He's not very strong, but he will tip desks, throw papers, grab things out of your hands and throw them away, and generally cause a ruckus. He gets winded after 5 rounds and needs to take a 1-round break. If you invest 3 [dice] or more, Dave's frantic efforts are accompanied by a squeaky violin (like Flight of the Bumblebee, but played by an utter amateur).

50. Daving Fire
R: 20' T: object D: [sum] rounds
Dave appears with a lit taper. Dave will try to light the object you have targeted on fire using the taper. He's not very persistent and will give up after 5 rounds. If the object is obviously dangerous (a giant pool of solvent, a petroleum troll, etc.), Dave will hesitate for 1 round, then chuck the taper and run as fast as he can towards the caster while screaming. Dave can also light candles, torches, etc. If you invest 3 [dice] or more, Dave's procession is accompanied by a wheezing harmonica.
 

TristramEvans

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How can We Destroy this Campaign World?

d12
1. You must trick a bard into strumming the Chords of Fate on the Lute of Annihilation
2. Legends tell of thermonuclear weapons beneath megadungeon, lich w/launch codes clearly doesn't give a shit
3. Constant use of magic provokes ecological catastrophe, point of no return long since reached, according to interdisciplinary team of research soothsayers: death spiral for earthly life set to begin after 2d100 further spells cast so choose wisely
4. Giant plug at bottom of World Ocean may be pulled, requires multi-godling strength, there is a certain girdle
5. By swinging the Sword of Living Time PCs might cleave through their most powerful foes, but incidentally slice through Law of Cause/Effect, universe rendered entirely incomprehensible, put away your dice kids
6. Demon-fire Boomerang of Infinite Explosions does it's thing against the forces of chaos but then keeps on going
7. Knocking off godling X creates power vacuum, sphere of influence to be subsumed by godling Y and Z, who hate each other's guts, resultant kaiju-type god war wrecks everything
8. Magic helmet grants awesome psychic/intellectual powers, also transmits signal to Blind Idiot Space Gods that its grazing time on this world
9. Each lich can only be permanently destroyed by unique arcane method, several equally likely possibilities present themselves, but at least one of them destroys the world instead, as the lich explains up front
10. That ent aristocrat was a huge jerk and deserved what he got, but incident was straw that broke camel's back, a state of total war exists between animal & plant kingdoms
11. Seemingly plain, pathetic prisoner hangs on deep dungeon wall w/the other wretched ones, but actually Angel of Thermonuclear Purification under ancient enchantment, makes reasonable argument for release by pointing out intolerable evils in world he could annihilate
12. When you stab demon-lord in face w/Sword of Renewal all evil dies, rays of sunshine break through gloomy skies, hobbits emerge from hiding in their millions, congratulations, everything is boring now
 

TristramEvans

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On the Clearance Rack
Esoteric items on offer from the local purveyor of dungeoneering equipment. Caveat Emptor!

d12
1. Experimental 50' rope that doubles as fast-burning fuse
2. Water purification tablets of unknown provenance, introduced in sufficient quantities, dungeon pools roil w/fizz utterly toxic to native life
3. Lightweight suction cup/sturdy tubes/mesh arrangement designed to provide sleeping area well above vermin-trodden dungeon floors
4. Semi-translucent suit of jellyfish leather, proof against attacks by most slimes, jellies, oozes, puddings, and other caustic agents
5. Moonstone compass always points toward nearest route to surface, by always I of course mean 62% of the time
6. Twelve implausibly large self-adhesive false mustaches for 1 silver penny
7. Dungeon mood ring changes colors as spells depleted, damage accumulates
8. One-man stretcher with wheels on one end, thick leather girdle on the other for hands-free hauling
9. Hazmat-like suit of cunningly woven garlic fibers for head-to-toe vampire protection
10. Man-harness w/50' leash, fully retractable via fishing reel-style apparatus clipped to belt
11. 10 lb. sack of charcoal briquettes w/lantern-like oven for small dungeon BBQ/emergency warming station
12. All-purpose human replica stuffed dummy, comes fully clothed w/choice of wig, 120 lbs, semi-useless instructions (filled with charming syntax/grammar/translation errors) for use as poor-man's mirror image, transported easily using one-man stretcher (see entry 8)
 

TristramEvans

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In the Dungeon Garbage Pits
For when the adventurers take a moment out of their busy schedules for a bit of dumpster-diving, dungeon-style.

d12
1. Skulls, skulls, skulls
2. Decrepit ogre vagrant sleeps one off in shelter made from abundant stacks of pre-cut dungeon masonry
3. Crates and crates of ceramic bottles, all but a handful drained of imported fizzy energy beverage favored by puny humanoids, each worth 5 copper pieces if returned to big city distributor
4. Heaps of dented, punctured cans of anti-fungal concoction w/manufacturer's label, if residue painstakingly collected, enough to ruin a myconid's day
5. Barrels of fungal bits trimmed from unsightly outbreak blooms by dungeon maintenance crew breaking down into slurry of the foulest shit ever
6. Stack of crates filled with shards shattered wine bottles of shockingly posh, tasteful vintage
7. Jumble of oversize humanoid armor beyond repair/reclamation, chest plates burnt, pitted by dragon fire, bits of mail encrusted w/caustic pudding/ooze/slime, rent helmets, vambraces/greaves chewed to uselessness
8. Mothballed fleet of automatic dungeon go-carts gone to rust & rot under rotting tarpaulins, magic batteries utterly depleted, designed for single passenger + small payload to scoot around 10' corridors
9. Swarm of micro-puddings not looking for trouble but violently unwilling to share kitchen scraps
10. Box full of recently forbidden books earmarked for burning but nobody's gotten around to it yet
11. 1000 experimental monster-fodder sausages way past their sell-by date
12. Battering ram customized for dungeon use, declared obsolete since the sentient factions settled their differences
 

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PLATE-MAIL FUCKUP TABLE – ROLL 1 12 SIDE 1D12 (1-12)

1-6. NOT TO BAD…… A LITTLE KINK MAKES IT TOGUH TO MOVE, TAKE OUT THE LITTLE PLATE FOR A -2 AC PENALTY OR ALWAYS ATTACK LAST IN ROUND – FIX AT BLACKSMITH FOR $50GP

7. A COUPLE BUCKLES POPPED AND A JOINT IS STUCK SO THE RATTLE IS LOUD – ROLL RANDOM MONSTER TWICE AS MUCH – FIX FOR 100GP

9) BAD CHAFFING PROBLEM!!!!!!!!!!1 LOSE 1HP EVERY HOUR YOU WEAR STILL THE ARMOR. CANNOT BE FIX.

8. SWEAT, BLOOD + BAD ADVENUTRE HYJEAN= DUNGEON FUNK INFESTATION. PLATE-MAIL IS LOUSY WITH (1D6): 1. MINI-SHRIEKERS 2. YELLOW MODL 3. BLACK PUDDING 4. LEPRECAUNS // EACH MONSTER ATTACKS AS NORMAL NUTIL YOU GET THE ARMOR OFF (1-4 ROUNDS), CAN’T WEAR AGAIN UNTIL YOU CLEAN IT GOOD

10. YOU TAKE NEXT STEP, THER IS A CREEKING SOUND AND THEN THE PLATE-MAIL COMES APART AT EVERY SEEM WITH CRASH TO FLOOR, SHOWING THAT YOU HAVE ON RED JAMMIES WITH CARTOON HILLBILLY BUTT-FLAP ON UNDERNEATH. ARMOR RUINED AND HENCHMAN MORALE DROPS IN HALF. GUESS WHAT? ARMOR IS SCRAP METAL.

11. FROZEN!!!!!!!!11 EVERY JOINT STUCK AND YOU WILL NEEDS FRIENDS TO HELP YOU OUT, IT TAKES 1 TURN AND COSTS THREE WANDER MONSTER ROLLS FROM NOISE. ARMOR RUINED.

12 NEXT MAGIC ATTACK LEEKS RAW MAGIC INTO ARMOR – PLATE-MAIL COMES ALIVE AND RUNS AWAY WITH (YOU IN IT!!!) FOR 1000′ AT 18” SPEED. IT SEEMS TO NOW WHERE IT ‘S GOING BECAUSE IT WILL HEAD FOR NEAREST STAIRS DOWN TO LOWER LEVEL
 

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What's for Dinner Innkeeper?
by AJ Pickett

1 : Paella, with fresh shellfish, crab, fish, that sort of thing, very hearty, served with bread and plenty of lager.
2 : We have this fruit from the far eastern jungles, makes a rich brown sauce, we like to serve it over sweet breads and it makes a nice hot drink served with marshmallow.. we call it Sweetbrowne.
3 : Lightly battered crawdads with swamp greens and a spicy sauce.
4 : Casserole of goat rump, with turnip and peas.
5 : Stuffed garden snake, boned and trussed before slow roasting, with a few battered vegetables, pan fried.
6 : Large jungle spiders, deep fried and served on a bed of Radicchio greens and juju batfruit, something of a local specialty...we also have spam.
7 : Fried cave crab, shredded wheat noodles and cheese... soft cheese if you prefer.
8 : Toffee'd apple, crispy bacon and some fruit brought special from the east.
9 : Braised rodent with currents and cloves, peppered apple stuffing and a rich port gravy with a snifter of the same, served with stick in traditional manner.
10 : Confit of swan, fresh off the pond, salted and then cooked and preserved in its own fat, with watercress, roasted chestnuts and a glass of white wine.
11 : Small smoked reptiles, with special spicy tomato relish.
12 : Peppered steak with white mustard sauce on roast vegetable platter, special date pudding from the east.
13 : Roasted hogs head, with quince and blueberry stuffing, cloves and roasted garlic.
14 : Head Cheese.. also known as Brawn, it's compressed, jellified hogs head, served chilled and sliced fine.. order two plates, you get a free eyeball.
15 : Jellied eel with stewed onion, garlic and parsnips.
16 : Stuffed pumpkin, watercress and yams, on a hard bread trencher.
17 : Smoked ham, cheese and steamed carrots
18 : Baby land shark spit roast, served with apple sauce, a rare treat!
19 : Dwarven sausage, sans salt or original recipe, with baked beets, potatoes and parsnip, pan fried mushrooms and some cress.
20 : Roasted pork glazed with honey, served with fresh harvest cider, made by my sister.
 
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