Wisdom dispensed by the old hobo

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E-Rocker

Not a goose
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In the setting for my next session, there's a hobo in the two square who will impart three pieces of what he thinks is profoundly useful advice to anyone who will listen. His first point is "never try to cook two eggs in a one-egg pan," and his third point is "don't get in a knife fight with your dick out."

But I'm stuck for point two. What have you got?
 
The advice should be something outwardly nonsensical but which makes sense after maybe the next session but one, so as to entice the players to spend more time with him; two pieces of nonsensical advice in a row and they'll likely ignore him, but a bad / good / bad sandwich will get their attention.
 
Never play poker in a hall of mirrors.
Never bring chopsticks to a soup kitchen.
Never bum a cigarette from a man without a lighter.
 
"Some things just shouldn't be fed, no matter how hungry they look!"

"Around here, good new travels east to west. Only bad news goes the other way."

"I once caught a fish that turned out not to be a fish at all... just shows ta go ya!"
 
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"Life is like a box of chocolates, sometimes you find a rat turd, other times you find a kilo of cocaine. What I'm trying to say is, don't eat chocolate you find in a dumpster, it usually ends up getting you stabbed."
 
Maybe try and draw inspiration from those times at gatherings when all conversations simultaneously cease except for the tail end of one that sounds absolutely crazy out of context?

I'll go first - at Thanksgiving a few years ago, all conversations ceased with the exception of my mom declaring "Well, the bears probably drowned in the swamp."
 
That is a good idea! Wish I could remember more of those...
 
In the setting for my next session, there's a hobo in the two square who will impart three pieces of what he thinks is profoundly useful advice to anyone who will listen. His first point is "never try to cook two eggs in a one-egg pan," and his third point is "don't get in a knife fight with your dick out."

But I'm stuck for point two. What have you got?
"Anyone telling ya he's gonna change if you just do something...won't".
 
It's got to be something out of context and able to exert great significance in the near future.
So if they miss it (which they will) they'll be looking for the hidden truth in whatever bollocks he spouts.

Maybe he drops intro conversation about the best alleys to find food in that the stockprice of some obscure tech firm is going to skyrocket.
Then the person they're hired to take out makes 15 million in stock options and leaves on a world cruise, kyboshing their mission.
 
"There are three rules that I live by: never get less than twelve hours sleep; never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city; and never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body. Now you stick to that, and everything else is cream cheese."
 
Maybe try and draw inspiration from those times at gatherings when all conversations simultaneously cease except for the tail end of one that sounds absolutely crazy out of context?

I'll go first - at Thanksgiving a few years ago, all conversations ceased with the exception of my mom declaring "Well, the bears probably drowned in the swamp."
"...IM GONNA HAVE MY TESTICLES LAMINATED!" -George Carlin
 
1. Don't buy pies from the fellow across the square.
2. Don't believe anyone who says they're royalty but are wearing cheap shoes.
3. Always read the fine print on scrolls from the Assessor's Bureau.
 
"There are three rules that I live by: never get less than twelve hours sleep; never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city; and never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body. Now you stick to that, and everything else is cream cheese."
Plot twist: this guy is a were-cat:grin:?
 
My players haven't had a chance to encounter this guy yet. I've decided to go with the "actually relevant" approach for point two, so it is "with enough motivation, every window is a door."
 
I was watching Banacek (1970s Insurance Investigator show) and he has a habit of dispensing odd, supposedly polish sayings that you could probably use as a basis for what you want. Such as (found the list on wikipedia):

  • 'A wolf that takes a peasant to supper probably won't need any breakfast.'"
  • "If you're not sure that it's potato borscht, there could be orphans working in the mines."
  • "When an owl comes to a mouse picnic, it's not there for the sack races."
  • "Though the hippopotamus has no sting in its tail, the wise man would prefer to be sat upon by the bee."
  • "A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn."
  • "When a wolf is chasing your sleigh, throw him a raisin cookie, but don't stop to bake a cake."
  • "Just because the cat has her kittens in the oven doesn't make them biscuits."
  • "You can read all the books in the library my son, but the cheese will still smell after four days."
  • "No matter how warm the smile on the face of the Sun, the cat still has her kittens under the porch."
  • "Even a one thousand złoty note cannot tap dance."
  • "Only the centipede can hear all the hundred footsteps of his uncle."
 
  • Some people hate rats. I don't. Rats see things, rats know things. You could learn a lot from a rat. Mice on the other hand . . . (he should probably tap the side of his nose at this point or something?)
  • You "adventuring" types don't know nothin'. It's always ten foot pole this, and tins of sardines that. Feh. It's all about a good pair of shoes.
  • The answer is 42. I don't know why I know that, it just came to me. As to the question? I haven't the foggiest.
 
"You want to be strongest, get strong".
(Wisdom dispensed by the Sitting Oak, a hulking bouncer in my Fates Worse Than Death campaign that my players ended up liking. It is actually not a bad advice in the native system, but don't give the same advice in a White Wolf game where Dexterity is a god-stat:grin:).
 
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