Finally got around to writing up the 3 most recent HEPCATS episodes. It took way longer than I expected, but I have a lot of time on my hands at the moment, so no big deal, really.
HEPCATS: Season Two:: The Online Era::: Savagely HEP!
Episode 9: Shooting Cans and Cowboys
15th November, Rhino Year
Real-life date: 2nd April 2020. First online session.
Zera, N0-5R, and Little Bobby ride the train from Samson's Crossing to Jericho, where they take a very disappointing walking tour. The train gets loaded with gold. They ride the train back to Samson's Crossing, where they pick up the Sheriff, and continue riding the train towards Saguaro City. On the outskirts of the city, the train comes to an unexpected stop and two bandits board the train attempting to steal the gold and the passengers' valuables. N0-5R and Zera quickly stop the bandits with the medicine stick and a thrown bench. [Maybe Bobby helped? I don't remember.]
Meanwhile, the rest of the team has arrived back in Saguaro City.
Evelyn Audrey sees them return and tells Dr. A [Ayu] that she was disappointed Dr. A didn't bring her onstage during the show. Ayu invites Evelyn to come by wagon for a meal later.
The team avoids a stampede that rages down main street, and learns that stampedes are, somewhat oddly, a semi-regular occurrence around here.
Bonita Juarez arrives in town, making quite an entrance. She pickpockets the gold-plated revolver from Kurt and asks his intentions re: the gun. Since Kurt says that the plan is to return it to its rightful owner, Bonita decides everything is cool and gives it back.
The HEPCATS have a team meeting. They're all on the same page regarding giving Evelyn's inheritance to her, but some of the team still feel they should become a political power to deal with local issues such as regular stampedes and missing postmasters, while others are skeptical.
Evelyn arrives. She and Ayu proceed to have the world's most awkward date/political strategy session/ delivery of inheritance. Evelyn is happy to have her grandfather's things, except the burned piece of paper saying "..preempt if we take our demons…" She says that's weird and she doesn't want it. She also points out that the seven names on the list were the seven members of her grandpa Evil Al's gang. She's not sure how many of them are still alive.
Evelyn is a bit puzzled by all the political talk, and asks "Are we on a date?" Ayu confirms that, yes, it is a date, but also confides that she's never been on a date before. "So that's why it's so awkward," Evelyn says.
Meanwhile, Zera, N0-5R, Little Bobby, and the Sheriff arrive back in town. Zera and N0-5R introduce the others to their new son. Little Bobby is unclear on how long they intend to be his parents, which parent is Mom, and which parent is Dad. To be fair, N0-5R also seems unclear on these points. Zera is at least confident of the point that she's the Dad.
Zera hears there's food, so she crashes Ayu and Evelyn's date, making it even more awkward.
Sargoth Trio, wanting to be the "cool uncle," takes Little Bobby to the alley to shoot cans. Others tag along. Bobby continues to have surprisingly good marksmanship and gun-handling skills for a nine-year-old orphan-urchin.
The team sees a dangerous posse ride into town, and recognizes them as the Ames-Krueger gang, whom they know seek Evelyn's treasure.
Sargoth asks Little Bobby if he wants to try shooting a moving target, and Little Bobby kills one of the bandits with one shot.
Baron probably lassoed a bandit.
Zera takes Evelyn and her treasure back to Evelyn's residence, and then joins the fight in the alley. A brief gun battle ensues, rapidly ending the lives of the whole group of bandits.
To be continued…
XP: 3
Present: Ayu, Baron von Braun, N0-5R, Kurt Warlock, Sargoth Trio, Zera
HEPCATS Episode 10, Part One: It's Okay, He's Nine!
15th-16th November, Rhino Year
Real Life Date 9th April 2020. Second online session.
Deputy Dingus, pushing Sheriff Stevenson in a wheelbarrow, arrives at the scene of the shootout. After interviewing the HEPCATS, Sheriff Stevenson states "Murder is illegal in these parts, but these are known outlaws known for having bad intentions, so clearly this was a case of self-defense, right?" Pierre nearly manages to talk the team back into the legal troubles they just got out of, but it turns out okay. The team takes the horses.
Meanwhile Little Bobby wanders off and gets into a trick-shooting contest with Bonita Juarez. Pierre finds them and teaches them about the game of H-O-R-S-E as it applies to trick-shooting.
The team proceeds to the 4L Saloon for supper. At first the doorman doesn't want to let Little Bobby in, thinking that he's eight-or-less years old and unsupervised. When he learns that Little Bobby is both nine years old AND with his parents, he says that not only is the kid allowed in, he gets a free half-shot of whiskey. The team and Little Bobby find a table, chat with the saloon girl, and order some food and drinks. Some local ruffians are about to harass the saloon girl when Pierre intervenes, buying the local specialty cocktail that is served in a tin cup with a rattlesnake tail in it for them.
Pierre asks what's upstairs, and the saloon girl tells them it's "Lady Larissa's Lounges of Luxury, with rooms by the hour, half hour, and quarter hour." Pierre, wishing to usurp "cool uncle" status from Sargoth, attempts to order "One luxury for the kid!" but the saloon girl says she just works in the saloon and he would have to take it up with Lady Larissa.
Supper is eaten, several bar brawls are narrowly avoided, and the team returns to their wagon.
The next morning, they debate what to do with Little Bobby. Some want to bring him back to HEPCATS HQ, but others point out that they don't know if he has the ability to cross from Shard to Shard like they do, and attempting to bring him across the line could cause him great physical pain and mental distress. Ultimately, they decide to ask Little Bobby what he wants. He says he's kind of tired of going to new places, and that "Miss Evelyn seemed real nice, and so did that lady with the guns."
Melvin the Mission Auditor from the HEPCATS organization shows up to assess how Team Minus One's mission is going. After hearing the details, Melvin, who has the authority to speak on behalf of the HEPCATS organization, determines that the current threat to Evelyn Audrey has been eliminated with the elimination of the Ames-Krueger gang, and Team Minus One should return to HQ at their earliest convenience.
Melvin begins to ride away while Pierre continues to hash out a strategy to become mayor. Melvin overhears this and pops his head back in to announce "Establishing local governments is outside the scope of your current mission. Please return to HQ at your earliest convenience."
Zera and N0-5R take Little Bobby to Evelyn Audrey to ask if she is willing to be Little Bobby's adoptive Mom. Evelyn is much more okay with this plan than one might expect, considering she woke up that morning with no thoughts of parenthood.
Evelyn: "Since I'm only 13 years older than him, could I maybe be his adoptive big sister instead of his mom?"
Zera: "No."
So Evelyn agrees to be Little Bobby's mom, and Little Bobby is happy to stay with her. N0-5R is very sad to leave Little Bobby. Evelyn is sad that Ayu didn't come to say goodbye.
The team rides their wagon back to the gate that will return them to the Central Heptagon. It goes much faster than their original trip, since they started out with one mule pulling the wagon, and now have sixteen beasts of burden pulling it. In fact, they go so fast that the wagon is perpetually on the verge of falling apart throughout the trip, but Baron keeps it together with his McGuyver skills. Just as they arrive at the gate, the wagon completely falls apart.
Episode 10, part 2: Hey It's Good to Be Back Home Again
Back at base, the team is debriefed by Agent Zee, which is quick and painless since they'd largely already been through it with Melvin the Mission Auditor. Agent Zee tells them that tonight is the Promotions & Awards Ceremony, and they should go see Jenny in costuming to get fitted for dress blues.
At the ceremony, they learn that Team Zero has been tragically lost. Each member of Team Minus One receives an award or two, and then Team Minus One is collectively promoted to be the new Team Zero. Team Minus Two is pointedly not promoted to be the new Team Minus One.
Private Dim announces that there are a variety of recreational activities planned for the evening, including the ever-popular Agent-Throwing Contest, in which teams of two agents take turns throwing each other and try to get a better average distance than the other teams; a concert featuring the metal bands Torchhammer and Protomartyr; and a dance after the concert, where DJ-Q2 will be spinning sick beats.
The team mills about with some of the other teams. They gather that there are other android and robot agents besides Ayu and N0-5R, there are ten werewolf agents, ten percent of the organization is of Cuban descent, and the prior Team Zero was rumored to have been dispatched to the Seventh Shard, nicknamed Abyssia, on the mission from which they did not return.
Baron chats with Agent Franceska, who is a ghost and, like Baron, is originally from Les Rues Sanglantes.
DJ-Q2 invites N0-5R to join him for a beverage later.
Ayu and Zera enter the Agent-Throwing contest. Since many HEPCATS agents have special abilities, the rulebook is extensive; however, anything not specifically forbidden by the rulebook is allowed, so Ayu and Zera find creative ways to use their abilities to their advantage.
At the concert, Torchhammer announces that, although they are well-known as a metal band, they actually started out in the punk scene, playing hardcore punk and then moving to crossover thrash, before they went full metal and broke through. Torchhammer wanted to give back to some guys who were like big brothers to them back in their punk days, and introduce their special guests, Trippin' Balls on Cactus Mist!
Trippin' Balls on Cactus Mist rip through a quick set of raucous punk. Trippin' Balls on Cactus Mist is both their band name and their state of being.
Torchhammer takes the stage. They are very talented, but eventually their slow doom metal beats are kind of dragging down the party vibe. While Torchhammer tears down and Protomartyr sets up, DJ-Q2 gets on the 1s & 2s and spins some upbeat tunes to bring the party back up.
Protomartyr goes on and plays a solid set of Iron Maiden-esque classic-style metal. At the bridge section of the climax of their big hit, the lights go out. This is standard procedure for a Protomartyr concert, but then the lights don't come back on….
To be continued…
XP: 2
Present: Ayu, Kurt Warlock, Baron von Braun, N0-5R, Pierre Delecto, Zera
Episode 11: That's SOOOO Metal!
16th November, Rhino Year
Real-life date: 16th April 2020. Third online session.
Zera and Ayu make it to the finals of the Agent-Throwing Contest from their side of the bracket. On the other side, the semi-finals are between the team of Russell and Tom vs. the team of Cody and Dustin. Russell and Tom advance. It's a close contest, but Zera and Ayu just barely beat Russell and Tom.
At the concert, the lights have gone out and stayed out far longer than was dramatically appropriate for a stage trick. A random agent points out this shouldn't be happening because, "our backup generators have backup generators!"
Once some illumination is achieved, folks can see that the room is being attacked by large metal insects who are eating metal and sucking electricity. Sgt. Masterson starts shouting orders to the various teams and tasks Zera, Pierre, Baron, and N0-5R with escorting Agent Shoe to his lab and bringing back "something that will help." DJ-Q2 tags along.
Team Zero decides to take a shortcut through the Danger Room, where they encounter a small but hostile group of metal begs. The team feels the bugs are attempting to taunt them with bleeps, bloops, and electrical shocks, but they remain un-taunted. [I actually remembered to use the Test rules! Yay! … for one round, anyway, haha].
Baron lassoes a bug. The team makes short work of the bugs, while DJ-Q2 beatboxes. Zera eats one of the bugs, which gives her a stomachache. N0-5R leads the way across the heavily damaged room with his free-running skills. As the team leaves the room, they see that the bugs are beginning to reassemble themselves.
The team makes it through the secret passages and down the firepole to Agent Shoe's lab. Baron grabs a whip with a metal flyswatter on the end. N0-5R grabs a magnet gun. Pierre grabs a hologram projector. Zera grabs a punch-in-the-box. Agent Shoe grabs something he doesn't explain.
[I let the players make up what they found, with the conditions that it had to resemble something from the goofier James Bond movies, and could not be an instant-win button for the scenario.]
They make it back to the concert hall and see that the battle is largely a stalemate between the various HEPCATS teams and the hordes of metal bugs, since the bugs keep reassembling themselves after being dispatched. The members of Torchhammer and Protomartyr are nowhere to be found, but the punks from Trippin' Balls on Cactus Mist are in the thick of it, swinging chains and brass knuckles and stomping bugs with combat boots.
Many of the bugs join together into one giant bug. Baron, unsure of how sentient these bugs are, is hesitant to use violence, but decides its okay, and hits the giant bug in the heart with his flyswatter-on-a-whip, which immediately deactivates it. Meanwhile, Agent Shoe has combined the magnet gun, hologram projector, and his unexplained item into a device that sends out an anti-magnet wave which prevents the bugs from reassembling.
Sgt. Masterson orders Team Minus Two to grab some brooms and dustpans and clean up this mess, and announces that with the threat ended, the party will recommence shortly.
Pierre notices someone sneaking out of the building with what appears to be the genealogy book of Clan Dracula that the team had previously acquired. No one is able to stop the sneaker.
DJ-Q2 still wants N0-5R to join him for a beverage.
Team Zero collectively points out that perhaps the HEPCATS organization would be better off figuring out who was behind this attack, rather than continuing to party…
To be continued...
XP: 2
Present: Zera, Pierre, Baron, N0-56
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